Let This Not Happen
by Dobby101
Summary: When problems face Cherrytree Curtis like a deer caught in the headlights, she becomes confused and doesn't know what to do.  And the gang doesn't always know how to help.  Read and review please!  Curtis sister fic!
1. Rumble

-1 b Disclaimer: I only own Cherrytree. That's it. Hinton owns the rest.

A/N: Happy reading! /b 

I walked into the messy living room of our house where five other boys were smoking, drinking beer or otherwise just lounging around watching television. Their eyes were all set and I knew why. There was another rumble happening tonight. After the last one had occurred and the Socs had been stomped, two of our gang had died (almost a third, but my brother, Ponyboy, wasn't as sick as we thought him to be). It had only been a month since Johnnycake and Dally died, and I wasn't sure the guys were ready for another fair skin fight. I was afraid one of them was going to snap and really go out and hurt some Soc with some type of weapon.

Why another rumble you may ask? Well, after the trial occurred and my brother wasn't sentenced to anything - not even sent to a boys' home - some of Bob's friends got angry. They started jumping us greasers every time they had the chance and eventually Tim Shepard had gotten so pissed off after his sister Angela had been almost run over by a high-class Mustang that he called a rumble with the next Soc he saw. So all the greasers in town were assembling down in the lot in about thirty minutes.

"Hey, Cherry," Sodapop greeted me as I went into the kitchen to grab some chocolate milk. Don't get me confused for that broad Pony met at the Nightly Double. She's nice and all, I met her while Johnny and Pony were up in Windrixsville, but she's nothing like me. My full name's Cherrytree by the way. I'm an older sister to Ponyboy Curtis and younger sister to Darry and Soda. I'm fifteen years old, not much older than Pony is.

"Hey Soda, ready for the rumble?" I asked cheerily.

"Yeah, we're ready, you shouldn't be though," he said, putting on a pair of shoes.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I rolled my eyes. I was never allowed in the rumbles because I was a girl, but I had gotten everybody in our gang (which isn't really a gang, but there isn't much of a word for it anymore) to admit that I can hold my own when up against some Socs. Once when I was walking home from the park a guy just came up behind, grabbed my stomach and pulled me to him. Instinctively, I brought the back of my fist to his face and kicked my foot up backwards to hurt him in a certain unmentionable area. Needless to say I felt kind of bad when I realized it was Dallas Winston who was doubled over on the ground in pain. I never did find out why he had done that, but I had earned my respect to him after that incident and he had always stuck up for me when I wanted to go somewhere after dark, telling Darry that I could hold my own. It didn't really help though, Darry was way too overprotective to leave me out after the sun went down without anybody else with me.

"Cherry, I want you to stay here for the rest of the night," Darry warned. "If you so much as step out of this house, I will personally make sure you never see sunlight again."

"I know, Darry," I said. Darry isn't always as tough as I might make him out to be. I mean, he's ten times worse with Ponyboy, but I guess you have to expect it after what happened last month. He only is like this with me because I'm the only girl. I mean, I'm fifteen and he won't even allow my to have a boyfriend! It's ridiculous if you ask me. Too bad he doesn't know that I have kissed/made-out with everybody in the room besides my brothers before.

Steve was drunk, I took advantage of him at a party and we ended up making out for most of the night (I doubt he even remembers), Two-Bit definitely remembers but it was over three years ago, so it's not a big deal, Dally I had kissed to try to make him tell me where Pony and Johnny were, but it hadn't helped. And Johnny, well, Johnny was the closest I ever came to having a boyfriend and after the fire, I couldn't even bear to go to his funeral. I think everybody in the gang knows how close Johnny and I were after I locked myself in with Pony while he was sick. I only came out once or twice a day to eat and everybody tried to cheer me up, but it didn't work. Eventually, I had just given up on hoping Johnny would come back and went back to acting like my usual self around others. Nobody knows that I still grieve when I'm alone. Not even Soda, who I tell everything.

"I mean it, Cherry." Darry grabbed his jacket and rushed out the door. The energy wasn't as high as past rumbles, but everybody was still doing mid-air somersaults and back flips down the street.

"Bye, Cherry! We'll see you after we stomp those Socs real good tonight!" one of the guys yelled. From what I could tell, it was Steve, but I couldn't be too sure.

Sighing, I went into my room and dug around in my closet for some clothes to wear to bed. I found a pair of Soda's boxers and an over-large t-shirt to wear and took off any trace of make-up I had put on before going back out into the living room. I found a beer in the fridge (Darry doesn't count to bottles because Two-Bit just takes some whenever he wants) and sat down on the couch to watch some television.

I was getting a little bit drunk after just one bottle of alcohol. I'm not much of a drinker and can't handle a lot at a time, but I took another bottle from the fridge anyway. I was beginning to think about Johnny and how his hand always seemed to fit perfectly within mine. His big, dark eyes always watching out for the both of us and his tender lips upon mine. How everyday he would come over with a new bruise on him from the way his parents beat him.

Suddenly, I closed my eyes tight. I couldn't let myself think of Johnny Cade. He was dead and would never come back. I had to get over it. I'm a lot tougher than this. I hadn't even been this sorry for my self when Mom and Dad died in that auto wreck.

There was a knock at the door and I didn't bother to whistle like us greasers usually do when we don't know who it is. I was thinking another girl was coming over because all the other guys were at the rumble. Perhaps it was Two-Bit's sister, Jane. She was a lot nicer than the other girls in town. I didn't much care for the others because they walked around all the time like tramps, but Jane was nice, she would never do anything like that.

Planning on a nice visit from Jane Matthews, when I opened the door I was surprised when two hands knocked me hard against the floor…


	2. Baseball Field

-1Disclaimer: SE Hinton owns everything but Cherrytree.

A/N: Please review and Happy reading!

When I woke up the next morning, I was in my bed with the door to my room shut tight, which was normal because it was normally so loud in the morning that I closed my door before I went to sleep the night before. My head hurt and I couldn't remember anything that had happened the night before. It didn't happen too often that I lost my memory for a few hours because I rarely drank. Yet I had a bad feeling about what had happened last night because of the big bruises I could see up and down my arms and the ones I could feel on the places covered up.

Let's think…the last thing I could remember was opening up the door to greet Jane Matthews. Apparently that hadn't happened. Think, Cherrytree, think. I remember getting pushed to the ground. That was about it.

I heard a loud whoop from the kitchen from one of the guys, probably celebrating a victory from last night. But that sound sent my mind reeling back to what happened last night. Hands exploring my body, me trying to get away, but them stripping my clothes off anyway. The guys yelling just like one of the gang had just did. Tears were streaming down my cheeks so fast, I couldn't even settle myself down enough to breath. I started to hyperventilate so much that I was afraid that somebody would hear me and come in the room.

I made up my mind that I couldn't let anybody know what had happened. I couldn't stand anybody fighting for me and getting seriously hurt, though Darry might be so outraged that he would just kill any Soc who he met. That's why I couldn't let anybody know. Nothing like what occurred last month could happen because of me.

Getting a hold of myself, I grabbed a long sleeve shirt to hide the bruises that were on my arm and put on pair of jeans. When I looked in the mirror at my face, I noticed that my tanned skin was black and blue in some places that it hadn't been yesterday. Grabbing all the cover-up I could find, I caked it onto my face to hide everything. When I was done, I desperately wished I looked just like I did everyday and pulled my dirty blonde hair back into a loose ponytail. I made my way out into the living room where Two-Bit was passed out on our couch, Darry was ready to leave for work, Pony was reading and Steve and Soda were figuring out ways to enjoy their day off.

When I came in, nobody even noticed until I sat down to eat my breakfast.

"Hey Cherry, don't you wanna know how we did last night?" Pony asked me as he sat down in the chair besides mine. I looked up at him. Even sitting next to me, he towered over my small height of five foot four inches. He had a gash in the side of his face that looked like it could use stitches, but of course he wouldn't get any.

"Looks like you won," I said half-heartedly with an awkward smile. I dug into my eggs and began eating, hoping that Pony wouldn't notice anything different about me or that I almost flinched when he sat next to me.

"Yeah, but you were already passed out in your bed last night when we came home so we went to Steve's instead," Pony explained, digging into his own breakfast. Apparently he wasn't into noticing things as much today. Usually he would have picked up right away that I hadn't finished my whole breakfast like I usually did. I only had a tiny bit of chocolate cake before I went back into the living room and sat down on the recliner, away from everybody else who was on the couch.

"You feeling okay, Cherry?" Soda asked concerned. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine." I smiled at him. "Just a little tired."

"I don't see why you would be. You were out by ten last night and it's nine thirty now. You almost slept twelve hours," Soda said.

"Yeah, Sleeping Beauty," Two-Bit woke up. "You slept more than I usually do."

"You only sleep that much because you're always hungover," I replied with a sass to my voice.

"A little fiery today, are you?" Two-Bit perked up. He was a big flirt whether he meant to be or not. Since I was just about the only decent girl around, I could understand why I always ended up being his target.

"Leave her alone today, Two-Bit," Darry said. "She really doesn't look that good. I got to go. Ponyboy, I want you to clean up the house and Cherry, stay out of trouble."

"Since when have I been in trouble?" I asked honestly. I was never in any trouble for real…only a few warnings from cops for being an "annoyance to the public". "And what about Soda?"

"Soda has his first day off in a month. He can do whatever he wants." Darry ignored my first question, as I was used to, and left out the door for work. Soda gave me one of his award-winning smiles behind Darry's back. I wasn't in the mood to return the favor by sticking my tongue out at him and I think it worried him a bit, but I turned my head towards the TV before he could question my reaction.

"Well, me and Steve are going to The Dingo to pick up some broads," Soda announced after studying the side of my face for what seemed like eternity. I knew he knew something was up with me, but as long as I looked sick, I would say I was sick. "I think you should stay home today, Cherry. You really don't look good at all."

"Yeah, sure," I said unenthusiastically, staring at the television but not really seeing anything. As soon as he left I said, "I'm going to the park," and got up off the recliner. I made my way out the door.

It was getting cold outside and I was wishing that I had brought a coat along. I went as fast as I could to the park, but before I got there, I took a sharp turn and ended up in an alley. I kept walking until I got to the other side of the path where there was a baseball field lying right in the center of a few buildings. I used to come here all the time with the guys and my parents, but after awhile I was the only one that wanted to keep coming. The rest always wanted to go to the Dingo for a Coke or to the vacant lot to throw football. I love baseball…and I come down here about once every month when I needed to get away from reality.

The field had visibly not been in use for a long time which is why I always kept my bat, glove and ball there. Today I wasn't here to play though. My body wouldn't have let me even if I could. I sulked on the bench, laid down and cried my eyes out. I hated not telling my family what had happened. It just wasn't the same without Mom or Dad around. I could talk to Mom with no trouble at all. Now, Darry left twenty dollars on my bed once a month for all the girly things I would need so I could go out and buy it all myself.

Reminding myself of all the girly things I needed, a sudden scary thought came to my mind. What if I was pregnant? I was never given "the talk" by anybody and all I knew, I picked up from the library or just general talk around school. I think I read that you can get pregnant halfway between periods. That would make me a pretty good candidate and that made me cry even harder.

Crying was all I did for almost two hours straight. That was until I heard giggling coming from between the alley. I hurriedly wiped away my tears and shut up. Greasers were good at pulling themselves together quickly when they needed to and I was no exception, though I'm sure my eyes were still bloodshot. I slipped into the shadows, another thing I was good at doing.

What I saw next made me disgusted. It was Sodapop and Steve, leading two tramps into the field. Soda led his girl right to the bench where I had just been sitting. I could care less what Steve was doing, so I focused on my brother.

He had started making out with her. And just a month after Sandy, who was supposed to be the love of his life! I never thought my brother could be so shallow. He was really getting into the session with the girl now and my anger was heating up just as fast as the two together. When he slipped off his shirt with so much ease that it looked like it had just disappeared and started unbuttoning the poor girls shirt, I reached my boiling level. Looking around quickly, I noticed Steve and his girl had left, so I was free to yell at my brother as much as I wanted to.

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis! How dare you even think of bringing that broad down here! What were you thinking, you were about to…to…what were you thinking?" Soda looked up and his eyes got real wide. I continued on with my rambling…I was about to break. A knot was coming up into my throat.

"And where Mom and Dad used to bring us to! How dare you even think you could get away with this - no wait, you probably have already gotten away with it!"

"Cherry -" he pleaded. I had never heard Soda like that before, he usually was never sorry for the things that he did and it scared me to see the look on his face. The fear came out in anger.

"I can't believe I even trusted you with everything I've ever been through! And you go and do this! I hate you, Soda!" Soda's mouth dropped in disbelief. Nobody had ever told him that they hated him, more or less his own sister. I turned around swiftly on my heel and ran off, crying so hard I thought I wasn't going to make it. But when I finally made it to my house, I was glad to find it empty. I ran straight into me bedroom and locked the door behind me.

How could he even think of doing something like this?


	3. Sodapop

**Disclaimer: Just like every other chapter…S.E Hinton owns everything but Cherrytree.**

**A/N: Read and review! Happy reading!**

I stayed in there for hours before I heard anybody come in the house. It was probably Darry, according to my alarm clock. I kept my mouth shut, hoping that he would leave me be. Of course, I couldn't be that lucky.

"Cherry?" he asked, knocking on my door lightly. "Cherrytree? You feelin' okay?"

"Yes," I managed to say loud enough for him to hear.

"Can I come in?" He was always apprehensive about opening my door when I had it shut on purpose. I always took it as a guy thing.

"No," was all I said and Darry started twisting the knob of the door back and forth just by the sound of my voice. He was becoming angry now because he knew I wasn't going to get up to unlock it and breaking down one door in the house would cost money to replace it.

"Come on, Cherrytree! Let me in."

I didn't say anything and eventually, Darry gave up. I knew it wouldn't be long until he got a hold of Ponyboy and the bastard who was the reason I was in here in the first place. Couldn't he even use his head? Darry's always going on about Pony not having any common sense when it's Soda he should be worrying about. They would all be trying to get me out of my room, but I wasn't budging. Since there was a door leading to the bathroom in my room, I was fine and nobody knew, but I had some food stashed in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I could last at least three days in here without coming out. I don't eat a lot anyway. At least, not compared to my brothers.

"Cherry?" Great, now Pony was here. "Come on, Cherry. If you don't feel so well, you can take a bunch of aspirins. It's no reason to lock yourself in your room."

I take back what I just said. Ponybody doesn't use his head. If he thought the only reason I was locked in my room was because I was sick he was really was dumb as others thought him to be. I'd been sick plenty of times before and I looked ten times worse that I look right now (which is pretty bad because my nose is red and my eyes are swollen) without being bothered about what I looked like. The whole gang has seen me in my very worse states.

"I'm not sick, Pony," I said through the door wearily.

"Then why ya in there?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," was all I said before I heard the door rattle some more. On the other side I heard a whispered, "Still won't budge." I was suddenly aware that it wasn't just Pony and Darry waiting for me to come out. Steve and Two-Bit were out there, too. I wondered for a second whether or not Soda was out there. If he was, I'm pretty sure Darry would be screaming at him, so I guess he wasn't.

I knew what they were trying to do now that the door was rattling constantly. I hurriedly made up my mind and opened my window. I jumped out and closed it shut right before I heard the lock give and the gang burst into my room. Needless to say I heard a few groans when they noticed it was empty, but they didn't have a second thought that I had snuck out. It was something I did often.

Under my window was some bushes that kept me hidden pretty well while the others left the house to search for me. They knew I was almost as fast as Ponyboy so they all went different ways and I'm sure that most of them were mad at me for ruining their Saturday night, but I don't really care. They didn't have to look for me.

Waiting a few minutes, I got out of the bushes thinking the coast was clear. Wiping the dirt off of me, I cautiously went to the front door and went back in the house. Nobody was there, so I was happy that my plan had worked. Now I was sure I had the rest of the night by myself to think. And man, did I have things to think about.

Walking back to my room and shutting the door behind me, I tried to lock it again, but found that whoever had picked the lock, made sure I wasn't about to pull a shutdown again. Thinking it was probably Steve, I just shrugged my shoulders and turned to lay on my bed to sulk. I stopped short when I saw Sodapop sitting there.

"Get out," I breathed. "I meant it, Sodapop, I hate you." He seemed unfazed by my cruel words the second time around and I just wanted to go punch him square in the face.

"Come here, Rosebush, we need to talk," he said, patting the bed next to him. Great, he used my nickname. The gang always teased that I should have been named Rosebush instead of Cherrytree because I was pretty at first glance, but if anybody touched me, I would fight back, kind of like the thorns.

"What do we need to talk about?" I asked sweetly. He was going to admit what he did in front of me if it was the last thing I ever did. I still didn't move from the spot I was standing at on the floor.

"You know," he said quietly, putting his head down. I could see a very faint blush creep up onto his cheeks. "Just come sit down."

I sat down reluctantly next to him out of pure habit. If we hadn't had so many talks before, I might be still standing by the door. "May you inform me of what happened that we may need to talk about?" I asked the question more sweetly than the first time.

"Oh, cut it out, Cherry, we both know what we need to talk about. I'm sorry," Soda talked pretty fast. I'm sure I'm the only one who has ever seen Soda so worn out. He's usually so lively around everybody.

"Sorry for what?" Another reason they called me Rosebush, I acted sweet until you got right down to my nerves. Then I would let you have it.

"Geez, Cherry! You want me to spell it out for ya? I'm sorry I took that broad down to the baseball field. I'm sorry you had to see what I was about to do with her, but let me just say, it's not the first time."

"Not the first time!" I exploded. "You mean you've had sex with poor innocent girls there before?"

"Not there!" he said sheepishly. "It's just I've had sex before."

"Was it just with Sandy or other girls, too?"

"Sandy," he confessed. "Today was Steve's idea -"

"Steve's idea! No wonder! You'll always do what Steve does, won't you?" I was a firm believer in doing what you thought. Not what somebody else wanted you to do. That happened a lot when you're the only girl in town with good morals.

"No," Soda said. "He just thought I needed to get over Sandy, so we went to the Dingo to pick up some girls. It's not that big of a deal really."

"Not a big deal? How would you like it if some boys like you and Steve came up to me and took me to have sex somewhere?" I asked impatiently. I only wished I had taken back my words when Soda looked at me with his mouth wide open.

"You haven't - have you? Right?" The words came out slowly and I blushed. Then my face turned to sadness and then to anger that Soda most likely thought was aimed to him. I thought of last night and tears almost sprung to my eyes.

"No." I hated lying to Soda, so just to make me feel better, I mumbled under my breath, "At least not on purpose."

"What do you mean, 'Not on purpose'?" I got up off the bed quickly and went to the bathroom, but Soda grabbed my arm just where one of the worst bruises was. I flinched and my stance weakened. Soda definitely realized what I had done even though I retaliated by coming around and slapping him in the face.

Ignoring the hand mark slowly growing redder on his face, Soda gently kept hold of my arm and got off the bed. He took the sleeve of my long sleeve shirt and slowly rolled it up, revealing the black and blue marks lining up and down my arm. He went to the other side and lifted up that sleeve. Slowly his eyes got real big for the second time that day. Knowing defeat, I showed him the ones on my legs and then lifted up my shirt to show him my flat stomach. After that, I smeared off all my make-up.

"Who did this to you?" Soda asked. I shook my head because, honestly, I couldn't even remember the faces of the two Socs. "Did they - did they -"

I nodded my head so that my brother knew that the worst thing of all had happened. He quickly took my to him and smoothed out my hair while I bawled like a baby into his chest. We stood there forever with me just relaxing in his arms.

"You can't tell the others," I pleaded after awhile. "I don't want anything else happening between the Socs and greasers just because of me."

"I can't not tell them," Soda said. "They love you just as much as I do."

I couldn't argue with that. Steve and Two-Bit loved me just as much as Darry, Soda, and Pony did. They would find out anyway. Speaking of them all, the whole gang showed up right at the door at that exact moment. They all had looks of astonishment on their faces and I realized what I must look like.

"What happened to her?" Darry was the first to break the silence.


	4. The DX

Disclaimer: There's thousands of pictures of S.E around the world, I'm not in any of them. L I do have one picture of me next to a Cherrytree though, that's all I own.

A/N: Thank you so much to everybody who was read and reviewed! Keep 'em comin'! Happy reading!

"I - I -" My mouth wouldn't let any words out. I had never been very open about my personal life to any of the guys before. It just wasn't right to tell them about cramps when they didn't want to know about it.

Luckily, Soda knew my distress and laid me down on the bed, where I happily snuggled under the covers. It had been a long day and my emotions were running high. He left me there alone and ushered the other guys out of my room. There were furious whispers on the other side of the door when he closed it. Slowly and cautiously, I got out of bed and made my way over to the door to listen, being too curious for my own good.

Soda was explaining all he could tell them, right up to the part that I don't want to talk about. I could tell they were infuriated. I heard a loud, "Let me in there," probably from Darry and I was about to run back to my bed when I heard Soda step in front of the door and say no.

"She's been through enough today," he said quietly. I take back hating Soda. He was the only one somebody could relate to even if he had never had the same experience. I moved back to my bed, having heard enough and fell instantly asleep when my head hit the pillow.

---------

I opened my eyes the next morning to find Soda sitting next to my bed, fast asleep. I reached over and shook him until he woke. He smiled down at me. "Mornin' sunshine," he said cheerily.

"What are ya doin' in here?" I asked and my throat hurt badly. My voice sounded like it was a frog, probably from all the crying yesterday.

"I didn't want ya to try to run away again." He grinned widely and I rolled my eyes, but a thought suddenly entered my mind at the mention of what happened yesterday.

"What did they say?" My words sounded fearful in a way.

"Not anything you wouldn't expect," he said. "Breakfast's out on the table. I cooked."

Thinking about Soda's breakfast and wondering just what he could have done now, I slowly got out of bed and winced in pain. The bruises were starting to get worse. I could never understand why bruises got worse before they got better. I'd always thought that the worse should always be at the beginning, but it's kind of like a story, the worse happens in the middle before anything good can take place at the end.

Soda was already gone when I pulled some clothes out of the bottom drawer of my dresser. I went into the shower and washed off all the dirt that had collected on me from the day before. It felt good to feel the warm water running over the marks on my skin. I don't know, I guess it felt as if all my troubles were being whisked away down the drain. Corny, yes, but that's how it felt.

When I got dressed, I didn't bother as much to cover up my face. Instead, I just put my normal make-up colors on. I was almost nervous when I went into the kitchen to eat the green eggs that Soda had made. Ponyboy was there eating; I figured Darry had already left for work. Pony gave me a glance and then looked up once more with intensity. I followed his gaze from my face to my arms. If I hadn't been wearing pants, he probably would have been even more amazed at those marks, which seemed larger than the rest.

"Pony, I know I'm good looking, but you're my brother, don't ya think that would be kind of weird?" It amazed even me that I had said that. I definitely did feel like being sarcastic, but I guess it made a good cover for what I was really feeling because Pony grinned and went on with his breakfast. "Where's Soda?"

"He and Steve left for the DX," Pony said simply.

"Two-Bit?"

"He's eating in the living room."

I went back to my breakfast. It wasn't that good to tell you the truth, but I wasn't about to complain. I realized I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast the following morning. When it was time, I took an extra slice of chocolate cake. Pony noticed but didn't say anything, which I was glad of. When I was done, I cleaned my dishes and grabbed a jacket.

"I'm going somewhere," I announced, about to leave the kitchen.

"Where?" Pony asked.

"I don't know, why?"

"I don't think you should go anywhere without anybody with you." I knew something was up. Pony thought I was going to be hurt again. It angered me a little to think that he didn't trust me, but then I thought that he also didn't know that I had been drinking the other night and my guard had been down.

"Fine, Pony, I'll stay right here where you can happily look over me. Okay?" I didn't usually give up that easily, but I was going to get out anyway, so I really didn't care.

I went to the living room and was happy to find Two-Bit passed out on our couch. Knowing that he was out for a good hour, I turned up the television to let Pony think I wasn't going to leave. But as soon as I had it up high enough so it was heard in the kitchen, I went back into my room and snuck out the window just like I had yesterday. Only this time, I wasn't planning on returning in only a few minutes.

Sprinting until I made it around the corner, I made my way to the DX. The only place I could even think of being was there with Soda. I don't exactly know why I can't tell Pony anything. He'll understand if he listens, but most of the time I could be talking for fifteen minutes and he wouldn't even realize that I was telling him something important.

Soda was understanding. I could talk to him about anything in the world, its just sometimes I don't want to. The only other person I could ever talk with as deep as my older brother was Johnny. Maybe if he was still alive it would have been him who I had told about the other night. Or maybe it wouldn't even had happened at all.

Sighing loudly, I looked up into the sky for any sign of Johnny. Lately, I've been taking to examining the stars and clouds to see if anything resembled my dear Johnny. The other day I had seen an outline of his only blue jean jacket in the starry sky. I think my mind made up the other stars forming every detail I could remember of the jacket, but nonetheless, it was still there in front of my eyes and it was comforting.

But today, there were no clouds in the sky, not even a tiny wisp of one and I gave up quickly on my task. I reached the gas station in record time and saw Steve outside fixing a car. That was usually the scene when I came upon the DX. Steve loved cars and usually fought Soda on fixing the ones that came up. Sometimes if the cars were really nice, like a mustang or a Corvair, both of them would come out just to have a look.

"Hey, Steve," I greeted as I came up to the car to take a look inside. He bumped his head in surprise from the sudden interruption. Then he took a good look at me. I turned away because I didn't want everybody to look at me the way they were starting to. From Pony, to the little kids I walked past in the park and now Steve. They all looked at me differently and I hated it. They never looked at Johnny like that after he was beaten up. Why just me?

Though I knew the answer was because they had done something more to me than they had to Johnny, I just ignored Steve all together and went inside. I decided then that if one of the gang didn't treat me like they normally would, I would just ignore them.

"Soda!" I yelled when I got inside. There was nobody else in the store part of the gas station, so I didn't bother to keep my voice down. I grabbed two Pepsis from the icebox, one for myself and then one for Pony, hoping that if I gave him one, he would forgive me for running off.

"Hey, Cherry! Where's Pony?" Soda asked, coming out of the back. His face was smeared with black grease.

"At home, I kind of snuck out," I said, giving him the money for the two drinks. He grinned widely.

"Hey, wanna stick around for a bit? We could use some help out here." Soda wiped away some dirt from his face. "I can't keep handling the register with my hands so messy."

I looked over and saw the buttons were turning black so I happily agreed to help out. I liked taking care of the customers when the DX was short on employees.

Soda went back to whatever he had been doing before. I went to work sweeping up the shop and rearranging some items on shelves. See, the DX is owned by all guys, with all guy employees, and even though it is presentable, a little bit of smart arranging would help their sales a bit better.

Once in awhile, a girl or two would come in and when they saw me working the register instead of Sodapop, they looked disappointed. I only greeted them just as they did me, thinking of what I had seen yesterday at the baseball field.

Halfway throughout the workday, I had taken care of about twenty people and Pony had stopped by, angry at me, but he eventually went home when he knew I was with Soda.

Then, with only twenty minutes left of working, a group of guys walked into the store. They were easily recognizable as Socs and even though I was scared out of my mind, I remained calm as they brought their purchases up to the counter.

"Look at this one, Craig," one of them said to the person who looked to be the leader.

Craig looked up and down at me. He smiled and I noticed he had buck teeth. "Good job, George. Looks used but still pretty." He was referring to my black and blues.

I ignored them for as long as I could. Then Craig came behind the counter and started to whisper in my ear things I would rather not repeat. Out of a natural reaction, my fist met his face and my foot greeted his crotch, just like it had that one day when Dally came up behind me.

That got the others angry and they stepped behind the counter, too. The one that hadn't been called out by name pushed me so hard, I backed into a wall of cigarettes and the goods fell down upon my head. I laid there helplessly as the two advanced on me slowly. I tried to scream, but no sound would come out of my mouth. And then a pair of lips crashed onto my and I tried to wriggle free, but the other guy had me pinned down.

The thought suddenly popped into my mind that they were extremely stupid to do this in a store that regularly has customers come in and out and in broad daylight, too. I guess they didn't care though because my blouse already had three of its buttons open.

Then Soda came into the room after hearing the many cigarettes crash to the ground. He saw what was happening and instantly punched the guys who had been kissing me while I cowered in the corner. I could barely see out of one eye as it was smarting so bad. Steve came in, wondering what all the noise was about and instantly jumped to the rescue with Soda. Feeling defeat and outnumbered, the Socs picked up their leader off the ground and ran out of the shop.

Steve and Soda rushed over and helped me up off the ground. My head was spinning and I'm pretty sure my bra was sticking out of the unbuttoned shirt. Hurriedly, I did my shirt up right and shook off Soda and Steve.

"You alright?" Steve asked, concerned. He was no longer staring at me like I was a freak at the circus.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, making the knot in my throat stay there. There was no way I was going to cry again. I walked to the front door and didn't turn around when I told Soda and Steve I was going home.

"Cherry," Soda started to say while he stepped forward to stop me. "Come on, just wait until my shift ends. Then we can walk with you."

"No, Soda, please, leave me go," I went out the door and didn't look back once as I headed home.

Too bad I didn't know that I wouldn't be getting there as soon as I thought.


	5. Getting Home

-1**Disclaimer: S.E Hinton owns everything but Cherrytree.**

**A/N: I know this chapter isn't up to par as the rest are. I promise…things get more interesting in the next chapter. Happy reading!**

My head felt dizzy, and honestly, I thought I was going to pass out at any second. But I kept walking as fast as I could towards home. Why did I let that happen? I took one down, why couldn't my body take the rest? I felt so disappointed in myself that, without thinking, I smacked myself in the forehead. Instantly, I wished I hadn't done that because my head was so woozy that I swayed on the spot, either about to fall over or puke I didn't know. When my legs felt like Jell-O, I was relieved as a pair of strong arms gripped me so I couldn't fall.

Realizing the arms were owned by a man, I instantly flipped and started wailing my arms every which way, trying to break free. I don't really know why I did this, because I knew that if the person was walking down the road on the East Side, it was a Greaser, but I was so shook up that I didn't care. I kept trying to break free, but the man holding me down would not let go. I even tried to bite him and the sweet salty taste of blood dripped into my mouth.

"Ouch! What the hell, Cherry!" I recognized the voice and immediately settled down.

"Two-Bit! I'm so so sorry!" I turned around to face the man that had only been trying to help. Two-Bit was sucking on his hand where I had bit him.

"What's up, Cherry? Ya look as if you've seen a ghost." Two-Bit didn't tease like he usually did with me.

I think I mumbled something that sounded like Socs and DX, but I wasn't sure. All I remember is Two-Bit grabbing my arm and taking me back the way I came, towards the gas station. He was probably just at home and knew nobody was there to take care of me, but nothing was said the whole way there, except if you count the muttering Two-Bit was doing under his breath.

Right before we opened the door to go inside, Soda and Steve ran out. Obviously they had been hoping to catch up to me on my way home because they charged straight into Two-Bit, who was leading the way.

"Come on, Cherry, we're going to see Darry," Soda said confidently as he grabbed the arm that Two-Bit was holding and pulled me down an entirely different street than what I had walked on that day. "Trouble seems to come to you like flies are attracted to honey."

"Yeah, kind of like how the girls come to you," I replied coldly. Soda seemed to let up on the tight grip he had on my forearm as I said that. "Why do we have to go to Darry? He's at work and I'm fine."

"Yeah, you're fine alright. You only bit half my freakin' finger off!" Two-Bit said. "You were like a dog backed into a corner."

I looked over at him and saw that he was holding his finger up to his mouth, trying to suck the blood off. I felt kind of bad, but I was too mad that Soda was taking me to see Darry at work. Nobody ever went to see my eldest brother while he was working unless it was an emergency. The last time somebody found Darry at work was when Mom and Dad died. The situation now wasn't near as bad as that. Sure, I had been jumped and almost stripped twice in three days, but that was nothing compared to the auto wreck almost nine months ago.

"Come on, Soda, there's no reason to go to Darry. This can wait until he gets off work," I pleaded, trying to turn back around, but Sodapop wouldn't let me.

"Cherry, those Socs were on you like you were a piece of candy," Steve contributed.

"Shut up," I growled at him.

"He's right, Cherry," Soda said. "It doesn't help that all the greaser guys know you're the best looking girl on the East Side, but when Socs start to realize it, we're really gonna have to protect you and I don't know how we're going to be able to do this. Especially when you're in school."

"I could always drop out like you did," I suggested. I had never been good in school and I always brought home bad grades that Darry seemed to love to yell at me for. I was popular in school among my own class and at first glance it seemed as if I had a lot of friends. They were just people from school who thought that if they hung out with me, they would somehow get popular, too. They weren't real friends. The only real friends I had were standing right next to me.

"You're not doing that," Soda said. "Or Darry would be working for nothing but to pay the bills."

"Pony will get into college. He has the brains for it. I, on the other hand, am as dumb as a post," I reasoned.

"No, you're not, and I'm not arguing this now." We were already on the same street Darry was working on. Working on roofing, he moves around a lot, but we always know exactly where he's going to be in case of an emergency. When Darry saw us coming down the street, his face turned to worry. He hurriedly climbed down the ladder that was attached to the house and ran over to us.

"Cherry! What else happened?" I must have looked even worse than yesterday if he could tell something else happened. He put his hand to my forehead where a lump the size of Texas was growing. I winced from the pain and pulled back.

"There were these three Socs that came to the DX. I took one of them down," I told him, not mentioning what happened after I made Craig fall to the ground.

"And then one of the pushed her to the ground and started to unbutton her blouse while making out with her," Steve finished. I glared at him and he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Then she bit me," Two-Bit added. "I think you should just send her away." His comment made all three of us Curtis' glare at him and he backed away from us a bit. Darry worked hard to keep us with him and we were all grateful for that. Going to a boys' or girls' home was out of the question and nobody liked to talk about it.

"Well, I can't send you to a doctor otherwise you _will_ be sent away," Darry said. "We just have to get over it. I don't know what else to do."

"I can get a full time job away from all the Socs," I suggested again.

"You're going to school tomorrow and if you dare go anywhere without somebody else, you will wish you had a job just so you could get out of the house," Darry said and I didn't argue. He looked angry and I didn't know why he would be mad at me. I hadn't done anything. Those stupid Socs were the reason I was like this.

"Now go home," Darry said. "I'll be home by six."

Soda, with a tight grip still on my arm, lead the way back to the house. There was no joking going on all the way home. My head was still aching horribly and all I wished was for a bunch of aspirins. As soon as I got home, I was making sure I would get some and lay down.


	6. Doctor

-1**Disclaimer: If I was SE Hinton, I wouldn't be writing fan fiction off of this if I could be getting money for it, would I?**

**A/N: Happy reading!**

It had been three weeks since that time and my nerves had settled a bit. Ponyboy had been extremely angry at Sodapop for letting those Socs get to me at the DX, but he forgave him in the matter of ten minutes. You just couldn't stay mad at Soda for very long.

The money Darry left for me every month was sitting deep in my underwear drawer because I hadn't gotten my period yet and I was beginning to worry. It was seven days late. That's why I had a note from the free clinical doctor dismissing me from school today stuffed in my jean pocket. Nobody knew that I might be pregnant and I really didn't want to worry anybody if there was nothing to worry about. So I walked along with Pony as usual to school. Since we were both in the high school, I had to wait until he went down the ninth grade hall before I could turn around and go to the office. I handed the secretary the folded up note and left without another word.

Walking down the street, I had to be careful so as not to be seen by some greaser. They would surely tell Darry that I hadn't been in school. Sometimes I think that my eldest brother has the whole neighborhood on watch for me and Pony. We can't get away with anything even if we paid special attention to what we were doing and took all the extra precautions. But now I couldn't afford to be seen, so I had borrowed one of Pony's hooded zip ups saying that it was more comfortable than my jean jacket. Now I could gratefully pull the hood over my head so nobody would recognize me. The jacket covered up the shape of my body, which as Two-Bit puts it, you can easily recognize a block away. I guess that's because I was so small and petite.

I suddenly had the urge to cry. I wished Johnny was here beside me because I knew he would understand what I was going through even if he actually had no clue what was going on. He was like Soda in that way, but Johnny was different. Johnny would have taken my hand, kissed it lightly and told me everything was going to be okay. And you wanna know what? I would have believed him with every inch of my heart. I figured out something after he died - I loved him. If he was here and it turned out I was pregnant, he would take care of the baby as if it was his own, even if we were both poor.

Shaking my head, I rid the thought of Johnny away from my mind. He was gone and I needed to get over it. Whether or not I liked it, he wasn't coming back. It was something I really needed to get over. I thought more of whether or not I was pregnant as I walked into the clinic.

It was one of the ones you didn't have to pay for when you walked in. Most greasers came to this doctor because we couldn't afford a real one, but Darry had always taken us to the best doctor we could get to when we were sick, so I had never been in here. It sort of scared me, but inside were most of the people inside I had seen before around the neighborhood. I went up to the nurse and told her I was here for the eight o'clock appointment. She looked at me carefully, as if she already knew what I was there for and told me to go to the first door on the right where the doctor would be in soon.

As I sat down on the examining table, I severely hoped the doctor would be a woman. Having a guy doctor to talk to about if I was pregnant would totally ruin the reason I came here in the first place. I sighed in relief when a girl walked into the room wearing a white robe.

"Good morning, I'm Doctor Connor," she said professionally. "You're the one I wrote the note about?"

"Yeah. I think I'm pregnant," I answered. I didn't want to be in here a long time so I got straight to the point. I remembered when my mom went to the doctor to check to see if she was pregnant. She was there the whole day and I was hoping to get back to the high school to walk home with Pony. If not, I had to think of one very good excuse.

"Alright then," Connor said, smiling. She started getting ready over at her small desk. "We will do two tests. One is the urine test, where you will have to pee on this strip. That will take only one or two minutes until the results come in. Then the second test will take a few days to show results. I will need to take a tube of blood."

"Is the second test really necessary?" I'm not good at giving blood. The last time blood was drawn from me, I fainted into Soda's arms.

"For sure," Connor said. "It's not a lot and without it, we won't be one hundred percent sure that you're pregnant or not. Here's the urine test. There's a bathroom, around the corner." She handed me the test absently, still trying to get the shot for the blood test ready. I took it and went out the door.

It took me a little while to find the bathroom because I went to the wrong corner, but when I did find it, I felt like locking myself in there for the rest of my life. Knowing I couldn't, I went on with the test. It felt kind of weird to be peeing to see if I had a baby in me, but when I was done, I hurriedly walked back to the room where the doctor was waiting for me.

"Okay, now we'll take the blood test," she said as I handed her the pee test. She ordered me to sit down and I closed my eyes as she stuck the needle in. It wasn't much, but my head still felt dizzy when she took the shot out of my body. "Come back in a week, then we'll have this test ready for you."

I leaned over to look at the urine test that was sitting on the countertop. Dr. Connor noticed me looking at it and said brightly, "That one looks positive. Congratulations." It didn't seem like the right when to tell a teen mother that she was pregnant, but I didn't bother to tell her that as I was already storming out of the room, thinking of what I was going to do now.

_Abortion._ We couldn't afford it. That was the end of it. No money.

_Adoption. _I couldn't go through with it. Carrying a baby in my body for nine months and then just giving it away wasn't an option.

_Get a job. _It seemed like the only way anything was going to get done. When I told my family, there was no way they were paying for anything.

_Drop out of school. _Another good option. I've wanted to drop out for the past year and now I had perfect reason for it. I'd go to the principal tomorrow and tell her so that the school wouldn't call home to Darry.

I'd made my way back to the high school by now and sat on the sidewalk away from any windows. Now I had to think about where to get a job. It would have to be in Soc territory so that Darry and Soda never saw me. Besides, those jobs had to pay better and I would need a lot of money to raise a child. There was one fancy restaurant where a bunch of high class business people went for lunch. If I was lucky I could get into there. The only problem was that I would need to dress and act like a Soc to get in. Where was I supposed to get clothes like that?

The answer walked right out the door of the school to her little blue stingray.

"Cherry!" I called out to the redhead. She was alone, so I felt that there was no way her reputation could be hurt.

She jumped a little, obviously not being prepared to be called to. Nobody else was out in the parking lot. "Oh! Hi, Cherrytree." She always called me by my full name, says it was too confusing to be calling somebody else Cherry.

"Cherry, I need a favor," I asked. "I need to borrow a nice outfit so I can get a job."

"What about school?" she asked. She knew by now how Darry was and that he wouldn't want me to get a job.

"I'm dropping out," I said hurriedly. "I'm in a bit of trouble and need a job on the West Side so Soda and Darry don't see me durin' the day."

She looked me over for a second and I was thankful that my bruises had gone away. Then she smiled. "Sure, come over to my house now, I don't have anymore classes today and nobody will see you."

I got into her car and wondered what the other guys would think if they saw me riding in a stingray. Steve would want me to immediately have Cherry pull over so he would just look at the car and would be extremely jealous. Two-Bit would hop right on in with me. Soda would stare and then grin wildly while ordering me to help him get a ride and Ponyboy would just stare. I'm not sure how Darry would react because I'm pretty sure he used to ride around in cars like this when he was in high school. I think he actually missed it.

"So, why are you in trouble?" Cherry asked curiously. I noticed we were driving into a nice neighborhood with big brick houses and well kept yards, the complete opposite of where us greasers lived.

"You have to promise not to tell any of them," I said. Cherry was easy to talk to because she didn't always put her own opinion into the conversation. She was nice that way.

"I promise." She stuck up her right hand in a joking manner.

"Well, I'm pregnant," I said sheepishly. It sounded weird as the words rolled off my tongue. I was only fifteen and it sounded like somebody ten years older than me should say. "A few weeks ago, some Socs came in when nobody else was home."

"Oh." Cherry pulled into one of the best looking houses on the block and showed me inside. I tried not to pay attention to the spotless tiled floor and all the portraits hanging on the wall. Cherry brought me to her room upstairs. She went over to her closet and dug through it for a minute before pulled out three outfits. There were three skirts and three sweaters.

"You can have all of them. They don't fit me any more," Cherry said. I was a smaller than her because she was a year older than me, but my petite body didn't help in size wise.

"Thanks," I said, lifting the outfits off the bed and examining them. I couldn't imagine wearing them to school or any place in public, but for a job interview, they would work. I could really look like I belonged in the Soc world in these and that's exactly what I needed.


	7. Waitressing

-1**Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.**

**A/N: There won't be an update at all this weekend. I have a softball tournament so I won't get to write at all. Have fun with this chapter, it was a pain to write! D Happy reading!**

Cherry Valance hadn't asked any other questions about me being pregnant and I had been right on time to walk with Pony home from school. Now we were on our way back the next morning. Pony and I never really talk a lot unless something serious, so he went off down the ninth grade wing without a word just like he had the day before. And just like yesterday, I went straight down to the office when Ponyboy was out of sight.

The principal was in there like he is every morning, talking to the secretary and I politely interrupted their conversation. I still needed to get home and pretty myself up before I could go to my interview.

"Excuse me," I said and the two adults looked over at me. "Mr. Bittner, I would like to talk to you."

"What is it, Miss Curtis?" he asked, stomping over to where I was standing. Mr. Bittner was a heavy man with a bald head. Many kids teased that he looked like a sumo wrestler, which if you put him in one of those over-sized diapers, he would. He definitely was just as nice as a sumo wrestler.

"I'm dropping out." He didn't look surprised. All of the school faculty was use to greasers with bad grades such as mine dropping out every other day.

"And you're telling me this why?" Bittner was rude, know doubt about it. I could tell from the first time I talked to him in seventh grade that he had been a Soc when he was younger.

"I'm telling you," I said in mock sweetness, "so that ya don't call my house three times a day for an entire week like you did with my brother!" I left through the office doors that you usually don't come in and out of unless you come in late. My feet moved as fast as they could take me as I hurried home. Soda and Darry had left when Pony and I had, so that almost guaranteed an empty house, unless Two-Bit had skipped school and was crashing there. Though I'm almost positive I saw him walk into school this morning.

On the way home, there were only proud parents with their little kids walking along the road. Every time I walked by, they called the toddlers back to them as if I was going to attack. I wondered vaguely whether I was going to be like that when I became a mother, but I knew I wasn't going to because my kid was going to grow up around people like me and it wouldn't be afraid of them.

I climbed in through my window just in case that wasn't Two-Bit I saw walking into the school this morning. It didn't sound like anybody else was in the house though, so my precaution went unnoticed. I dug underneath my bed where I had hid the outfits Cherry had given me. Sometimes Darry comes searching in my room for clothes to wash, but that doesn't happen too often. I slipped on the blue polyester skirt and plaid sweater, then looked in the mirror. I tried to put my hair the same way Cherry does hers, but only came up with a cheap imitation. So, I pulled it back like I did everyday, but kept half of the hair down and smoothed out any bumps that formed on the top of my head. My hair only went down to my shoulders because I had just gotten a haircut last week. Before that, it had flowed all the way down my back. My family only gets haircuts about once a year either because we couldn't afford it or Soda, Darry and Pony like their hair long, I didn't actually know.

Then I did my make-up in the most Soc-y way I could, with more eyeliner and mascara than normally needed. When I was done, I stepped back and looked at myself proudly. I really did look like those Soc girls from school and I had a good chance of being hired.

Leaving the house, I walked as fast I could to the bus stop, where there was already one loading at the curb. I hopped on, paying the fare and taking a seat away from the crowd of people up front. It was almost nine in the morning and the ad in the newspaper had said that the interviews would be held at nine thirty.

The place I had found was high-class and I had a string of other possible job candidates in case I didn't get the one I really wanted. See, the restaurant I was applying for was called Milly's and a lot of rich business people went there during the day. The tips would be good and would bring in some extra cash along with the paycheck.

The bus stopped right at the front of the restaurant and I got off quickly. I looked at myself in the front window to make sure I looked perfect, then headed inside. It wasn't entirely full, but there were definitely a bunch of high paying people inside either finishing breakfast or starting brunch. I went up to a waitress who was waiting to seat anybody who came in the door.

"Just one?" she asked politely and got out a menu.

"No, I'm not here to eat. I'm here for the interviews," I said, using the best English I could muster. I tried to sound how Cherry Valance would.

"Oh! You're the first one to show. My name's Sarah." She stuck out her hand and I shook it. I was relieved that she didn't look any older than me.

"Cherrytree," I said and I waited for her face to drop in amazement or something, but it didn't. She just smiled kindly and pointed me to the back room. There was one desk where three people were sitting. One was a man with a strange looking mustache and the other two were women who looked to be in their mid-thirties. They all appeared to be nice.

"Good morning," I said, shaking their hands. In middle school we had to take a class where all the students were required to go through a fake interview. At the time, it had seemed stupid, but I now wanted to personally thank the teacher that had taught that class. "My name's Cherrytree Curtis."

"Really? My mane is Tom Mulchahy," the man asked. His voice was high, as if he was a guy going through puberty, and I imagined Soda or Two-Bit in my position, but that made me want to laugh my head off, so I couldn't keep the thought in my mind for too long.

"Yes, my dad named me," I answered. "He was a very original person." The people in front of my didn't seem too Soc-like and I had a good feeling in my gut.

"Very well," the man said. "We'll take you first since you are the first one here. Now, why would you be a good person for the job?"

I smiled and answered all the questions thrown at me with confidence, even when they asked me what hours I could work since it looked like I was still in school. I didn't lie and told them the whole truth. Darry always told me that people valued honesty, it kind of made me feel bad that the one person who told me not to lie, I was lying to at this very moment. I must of did well with the question, because they gave me a waitress apron and told me that I would be serving one table, just so they could see how I would do with the customers. I was lead to two men waiting in line after I had the chance to memorize the specials.

"Good morning," I greeted with a smiling face. "Table for two?"

The man nodded. He seemed to be in a deep conversation with his partner, so I lead them quietly over to a table in the corner, where they wouldn't be disturbed. I set up their menus and moved out of the way so they would sit down.

"The specials today are," I said and I repeated the six different entrees the restaurant was serving. "May I offer you anything to drink?"

"Yes, I would like a coffee," the man said.

"Make that two," his partner answered my question.

"Alright," I said, making the note on the notepad I had been given. "I'll be right out with that." I turned and went back to the coffee maker machine. Not knowing how to use it, I asked the waitress named Sarah who had wanted to seat me when I came in to help. She gladly came to my rescue.

"Here, you have to put the cup under before you press the button," she told me, brewing up the first cup faster than I could blink. I clumsily tried to get the second cup done perfectly, but only ended up making a mess. Groaning, Sarah came back over.

"That's okay. When I was doing my first serving job for my interview, I nearly blew up the machine." She grinned warmly and helped me with the second cup. I hurriedly grabbed a tray and put the two cups on top of it. Maneuvering my way around the tables without spilling a drop, I almost let out a big sigh of relief when the coffee was safely on the table in front of my customers.

I took their orders and continued on with my job. The men were a real pain in the butt because they kept asking for more coffee and when I brought out their meal, they had me take it back because the food wasn't done to their liking. Then they sat there for fifteen minutes after they were done just talking. But the money left behind on the table was more than I could have imagined. I must have done a good job. Cleaning up the table and grabbing the money, I went over to Tom and handed him the tip. He took it and then handed it right back to me.

"Congratulations, you have made your first tip as a waitress here," he said.

"Really? What times am I working?"

"Eight thirty in the morning 'til two thirty in the afternoon," Tom answered and I almost hugged him. They were the perfect times.

"I'll be here tomorrow!" I squealed and ran out the door to catch the bus. It was one thirty. I had to get back home to change into what I was wearing this morning so I could go back to school for Pony.

While I was waiting for Pony outside of the school, Two-Bit came up with a wolfish grin on his face. I looked up at him with a strange look on my face.

"So, Cherry, why did I see them cleaning out your locker today?" he asked and cocked one eyebrow.


	8. Poker Game

-1**Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.**

**A/N: I really like this chapter…the next will be a continuation to this one since I didn't want it to get too long. Happy reading!**

-----

I felt my face drain as I stood inarticulate in front of Two-Bit. My mouth moved open and closed like a guppy fish out of water. I tried to think of a reason, but couldn't.

"Are you sure it was my locker?" I choked out, but instantly regretted it. Two-Bit Matthews knew about everything that went on in the school and he most definitely knew exactly where his friends' lockers were, even if they were in an entirely different grade. Two-Bit scoffed at me and I blushed.

"Please don't tell my brothers?" I begged. I felt like getting down on the ground and kissing his feet. Ponyboy, Soda and especially Darry could not find out about me dropping out until I was absolutely certain I could take all the yelling. Because yelling was what would happen at my house for days. It wouldn't even matter if I had an excuse, even if it was so big as being pregnant. "Come on, Two-Bit, be a pal."

"Woah, you sound exactly like Ponyboy and the last time he told me that, he was in the hospital for two days," Two-Bit said. He seemed to examine me for awhile and I knew we didn't have a lot of time because Pony would be coming out soon.

"Please, Two-Bit, it's nothing like that and I promise that everybody will know soon enough," I pleaded. I could already see Pony walking up the sidewalk towards us.

"Well, I guess, but I'd better be the first to know why," he said, then leaned up against the wall of the school and took a gulp of the beer he had stuffed in his jacket. Sometimes I just want to see if he had a zipper on his stomach where he could magically pull a drink out of it. There was no way he could steal that much beer and not be caught. Then again, you'd never think somebody could drink that much beer and still be able to think straight enough to steal more.

"Thank you!" I leaned up and gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek and if it surprised him, he didn't show it, he just continued to sip his beer. The only one who looked surprised was Ponyboy who came up with his eyebrows disappeared into his long greasy bangs.

"What was that?" Pony asked, whipping out a cigarette and messing up his half blonde hair.

"This," I said and reached up and gave Pony a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He pushed me away, obviously embarrassed by being kissed by his older sister. "And this." I did the same thing to Steve who had just arrived next to us. He didn't press the issue any farther and we walked home because Two-Bit's car had officially been placed in the junk yard. Even Steve couldn't fix it, which was something Two-Bit liked to tease him about any chance he got.

"You guys comin' over?" Pony asked as we reached our house. I headed inside without hearing an answer because I knew what it would be. Steve would have to go to work and Two-Bit would go somewhere to get drunk. It was the same everyday, yet Pony always seemed to ask.

"Pony, go do your homework," I said. Darry had made it my job to make sure Ponyboy did his homework since he came back from Windrixsville. All of his grades were going downhill and he was living in a hole half the time. I mean, Johnny was the love of my life, but nobody sees me ruining my whole life because of it. Scratch that, the baby growing in me right now could have been avoided most likely if Johnny would still be alive. I wouldn't have been drinking then.

"What about you?" Pony asked, grabbing the chocolate milk out of the icebox.

"Uh - I don't have any. The teachers were nice today since it's a Friday and all," I said, hoping my story would work. Pony just left to go in his room and I had the whole rest of the house to myself.

While getting myself out a small piece of chocolate cake, I heard the door open and close and froze. Usually one of the gang would yell as soon as they came in the house, so I waited with baited breath.

"Oh, cake, thank you," I heard from behind me and I jumped up, turned around and slapped the guy, only realizing it was Two-Bit. It reminded me of the time Dally came up behind me. "Hell, Cherry, I should have listened to Dal when he told me you hit like a guy."

"Sorry, Two-bit," I said, not really sorry. Everybody in the gang knew I had been a bit skittish since the DX incident even if I was slowly getting better.

"So, Rosebush, why did you drop out?" Two-Bit asked, eating my slice of cake without a fork. I looked at him disgustingly then got another piece out of the icebox.

"Shut up! Pony's in the other room and I don't want him to know," I said. "And I don't want you to know either…I told you everybody will know in time unless you decide to talk. And you know that being a greaser means you keep your mouth shut good."

The greaser comment made him shut up and sit down, finishing my first piece of cake.

"I'm just saying I had a good reason," I said, taking a beer out of the fridge and handed it to Two-Bit. I decided not to take one for myself, knowing that it would be bad for the baby. The action didn't go past Matthews, who was the only one I ever drank with. He gave me a look, but I scurried into the living room before he could question me. I quickly picked up a deck of cards.

"Hey, wanna play?" I asked, setting up the cards on the coffee table, knowing Two-Bit couldn't pass up gambling.

"Okay, on one bid and one bid only," Two-Bit said, coming into the room and taking the first five cards I dealt out.

"What's that?" I asked, taking it for fifty dollars or something. Two-Bit always liked to play for money.

"You tell me why you dropped out," he said, examining his cards. There was no expression on his face except for the excited glint in his eye.

I mulled it over in my mind for awhile, then decided that I could take him. I had Soda's same view of competition. I loved it, it was like you were risking everything, but when you win, you get even more. I don't know why, but I couldn't keep away from some type of competition.

"Fine," I said, handing in three of my cards. I had had two diamonds: an Ace and a Jack, one Club: a two, one Heart: a seven, and one Spade: a ten. Not the best hand ever. I decided to stick with my diamonds as Two-Bit handed in two cards. He had a serious look to him, but I could tell he was enjoying every moment of the game.

Handing out the new cards, I looked at my own. Three diamonds: a two, a three and a five. It took me a moment to realize I had a flush. I couldn't help but smile; there were only four other hands that beat a flush and to be honest, Two-Bit wasn't that good of a poker player. I looked up and he was smiling, too.

"Ready to show?" he asked. "You go first."

I took it that letting me go first meant he knew he was going to lose, so I proudly laid out my flush on the coffee table. "Beat that."

"Gladly," Two-Bit said, and I lost my smile. He laid out a full house on the table with two Aces and three Kings. "Now, tell me why you decided to become a Sodapop."

"Don't talk about Soda like that," I said, getting a little defensive of my older brother. "And I said I'd tell you, but I never said when."

"Now that's cold," Two-Bit said, leaning back and taking another gulp of his beer. "Greasers may know how to keep their mouths shut good, but they never play unfair."

I outwardly laughed at his words. If I ever knew what a greaser was good at, it was lying, cheating and stealing. And grease girls were especially good at the middle trait.

"Okay, maybe we don't play fair, but we would never cheat while playing with a friend," Two-Bit said.

"You're diggin' yourself in a bigger whole than you can jump out of," I laughed while thinking of all the times I saw Soda trying to cheat Steve out of winning a game of poker or something of the sort. And they were best friends.

"Well, maybe I am a bit soused, but that may mean I won't remember any of this tomorrow."

"Yeah, I doubt it. You remember everything from when you're drinking," I stated matter-of-factly.

"C'mon, please tell me," he pleaded, turning on the TV. Mickey Mouse was on, but we weren't even paying attention.

"Okay, I got a job to pay for something," I said, knowing that he would never in his right mind guess that that something was a baby.

"What something?" he asked. "'Cause if you think that Darry will let you buy a car when you turn sixteen, you're out of your mind."

"It's not a car," I said. I wasn't even planning on getting my license when I turned sixteen in three months. And a car was way out of the question, we could barely afford to pay the gas for Darry's truck.

"Then what is it? There's nothing else worth paying for in this neighborhood unless you have a gambling bet," Two-Bit mentioned.

"It's something I have been forced to have," I said, hoping that wasn't too much to say.

"How could you be forced to have something?" Two-Bit laughed. "No guy in this neighborhood is forced to have anything." He took the remote and changed the channel.

"I'm not a guy, Two-Bit. I am a girl." Then I knew that I had said too much, because Two-Bit's eyes got real wide. He may always drink a lot, but he wasn't dumb.

"You're knocked up?" he asked, looking over at me and I blushed. "By who?"

"Nobody you know," I mumbled. "And nobody I know. It was from the night of the rumble." I looked down at my knees and my hands were wringing in my lap. Two-Bit was still staring at me incredulously, but I refused to meet his gaze. My eyes were surprisingly dry. "Please, Two-Bit, you can't tell anybody."

"You really expect me to keep this quiet?" he asked. "Cherry, you're pregnant and you don't want to tell anybody. What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with _me_? I'm going to be a teenage mother! That's what's wrong with me!" I tried to keep my voice as low as I could so Pony wouldn't hear me. "I could have prevented this, but now I'm working in some Soc restaurant because raising a kid costs thousands of dollars! I need to prove to my family that I can take care of this kid by myself so Darry won't have to get three jobs instead of just the two he's working on now! I'm doing this by myself."

Two-Bit lessened the intensity of his gaze a little bit and grabbed my hand in a comforting way, something he obviously didn't do very often. "Cherry, you have to tell them. They're going to find out anyway."

"Yeah, they will, but when I want them to find out," I said, finally looking at Two-Bit and pulling my hand away from him. "Not when you tell them. Two-Bit, I promise they will know, just please let it be when I want them to, not you."

"You had better tell them soon, before they want you to do something that you won't be able to." Two-Bit was smart and I admired it most of the time. Just not at that exact moment. I looked at him threateningly.

"Fine," I said, just as Soda walked in the door. He threw his coat on the ground and kicked off his shoes.

"Hey," he said, grabbing chocolate milk out of the icebox. "You wanna do something tonight? Steve has a date with Evie." Lately, whenever Steve did something with Evie, Soda would ask me to do something. I figured it either had something to do with me catching him in the baseball field or Sandy. Either one was plausible.

"Sure, what do you want to do?" I asked, cleaning up the cards and eyeing Two-Bit, who seemed to think it was a good idea I told Soda that I had a baby inside of me right at that moment. I silently gave him the evil eye.

"How 'bout some football in the lot?" Soda asked and Two-Bit grinned, knowing I would in no way be able to do that.

"Nah," I said. "Let's go to the Nightly Double. There's a movie there I really wanna see."

"C'mon, Cherry, you know I hate the movies. It's so boring," Soda flopped down on the couch beside me. "Take Pony if you really want to go. I'll stay here by my lonesome self." He mocked sadness and I laughed.

"Soda, I don't wanna play football."

"But it's free-er than the movies," Soda whined. "And more fun."

"Free-er?" I asked at his insane grammar usage. "We could always sneak in or go to The Dingo or something."

"Let's go to The Dingo," Soda perked up. "I'm starving."

"Wanna come, Two-Bit?" I asked, giving him a look in his direction.

"Nah, I'm going to Buck's tonight," Two-Bit said and then just got up and left. I think he felt a little disappointed in me, but I just shrugged it off.

"Maybe we can get Darry to come," I said. "I think he gets off soon. It can be a Curtis night out." Soda grinned.

"He never does get out anymore, does he?" Soda asked. "We'll have to drag him there if he doesn't agree."

I laughed out loud at the thought of me, Soda and Pony trying to drag, or even start to pull, Darry to The Dingo. Darry was more muscular than all three of us combined, but I went along with Soda. "Maybe we can tie a string to him and attach him to the truck."


	9. The Dingo

-1**Disclaimer: SE Hinton owns the Outsiders.**

**A/N: I like this chapter again, and once again, something else has been added to the plot that hadn't been planned on being there at the beginning. But I really am enjoying writing this. Happy reading!**

-----

We were already headed into The Dingo by six o'clock with Darry right behind us. He had come home in a grumpy mood, but Soda had him laughing in the matter of seconds. Pony was the one who asked him to come along and he was about to decline, but I gave him the puppy pout. It was hilarious seeing Darry try to say no to his innocent-looking younger sister, but he finally gave in. Soda, Pony and I were the perfect trio to get Darry to do whatever we wanted, with a few exceptions.

"You know, we should go out more often. It's not everyday I see my little sister attracting so many guys' attentions," Soda laughed. "Maybe we should teach them not to be eyeing up our baby, huh Darry?"

"Shut up," I said, but it was true. With Darry's muscles, Soda's movie-star quality, Pony's adolescent cuteness, and my good looks, we had almost everybody's gaze on us as we sat down at a table. We really were quite the group together.

"No, Cherry, I think Soda may have a point," Darry joked, cracking his knuckles to show off. I laughed. It wasn't everyday you saw Darrel Curtis joking around and when he did, you knew you would have a lot of fun. "The guys really seem to be eyein' you up 'round here."

"Yeah, and if I went around beating every girl up that looked at all three of you, there wouldn't be any girls left," I said, making a point. Pony and Darry pretended not to hear, but Soda went all out, looking at any good looking broad that went past us and giving them a nod if one ever looked over.

"I see your point," Soda stated, settling back down in his seat. "But still, there's three of us and only one of you. We share the stares, you just dominate 'em."

"Why are we arguing over this?" I asked as a waitress came over. She eyed up all three of my brothers and then gave me a look that plainly said 'You don't deserve these boys, but I do' and I laughed at the irony of the situation. We all ordered a drink and she lingered at our table an extra moment before leaving to fulfill our orders.

"We were arguing because we love our sister and don't want her to get hurt," Soda said and Pony nodded his head in agreement while Darry just looked at me. I think he was waiting for me to say something along the lines of 'Don't worry, I won't like boys until I'm thirty'.

Going back to Soda's comment, I though that it was already too late to worry about me getting hurt and I thought about mentioning Johnny, but knew it was the wrong thing to say so I stayed quiet. I think everybody at the table knew what I was thinking though because the table got real quiet until the waitress came back to the table with our drinks.

"What can I get ya?" she asked. We all ordered cheeseburgers and I vaguely wondered if I would have weird cravings like I heard women get when I became more pregnant. That also brought on the thought of how my brothers would react, which I quickly put to the back of my head.

"I got a call from the school today," Darry said, out of the blue and I felt my face lose all of the blood in it. "Pony, you have to bring up your grades. You're failing your classes?"

"Yeah, so what?" Pony said. I knew his grades were going downhill, but I hadn't had the courage to tell Darry. But all of a sudden, Pony's dropping grades gave me relief. I thought the school had called to say I had dropped out.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I excused myself. By now I knew that Darry and Pony would soon be fighting and I didn't want to be in the middle of it. Soda looked at me and then left the table too, heading to the guys bathroom as I went to the girls.

Thanking God that it took girls longer in the bathroom then guys, I waited for a couple of minutes before leaving. I saw Soda already back at the table and the fight seemed to have settled down, but I still went around a few tables to buy some time just in case.

"Hey," a masculine voice said from behind me. I turned around carefully. There was a boy around my age sitting there staring at me. He had amazingly blue eyes and dark brown hair with not too much grease in it. I had never seen him around before. He must have been in either the Shepard gang or the Brumley boys though, otherwise he wouldn't be sitting there at the greaser hangout.

"Hi," I said then looked around at my brothers. They seemed to be arguing again.

"Wanna drink?" he asked and motioned for me to sit by him up at the bar. I did and he called the bartender over.

"Get a beer for this girl," he told the man, but I interrupted him.

"A Pepsi would be better," I said and the bartender nodded and filled me up a mug with Pepsi.

"I think you're the only greaser girl I ever met that refused a beer. Ya don't drink?" he asked. I noticed he had his own can of beer sitting in front of him. I also couldn't help but notice his cute dimples when he smiled down at me.

"I've drank once or twice," I said. "Just not in the mood tonight." I kept looking over at my brothers, hoping desperately that they wouldn't see me here with this cute guy. It was the first guy (besides the gang) that I had even bothered talking to since Johnny died.

"You're also the only greaser girl who wasn't in the mood for a drink when I asked," the guy said. "My name's Mike."

"I'm Cherrytree," I said and he looked at me with wide eyes.

"Really? Never heard of that before," he said. I was used to people reacting that way when I told them my name.

"Yeah, people call me Cherry for short." I looked over at Darry, Soda and Pony again. They weren't fighting, but I could definitely tell they were beginning to think I was in trouble.

"You goin' with one of 'em?" Mike asked, nodding over at my brothers. He said it casually, but I could tell there was a hint of jealousy in his voice. He was especially eyeing Soda, who would be the exact age for me. Not to mention, Soda's looks could always make other guys green with envy.

"No," I laughed. "The three of them are my brothers. We came here together."

"Oh, well, would they mind if you left?" Mike asked suspiciously and I knew he was asking me to go somewhere with him.

"Well, let me see," I said and left the bar to go back over to my brothers. It was a long shot that Darry would let me go with somebody he didn't know, but I had to try. Something in me told me that Mike was a very nice guy.

Our cheeseburgers had already come and the guys were eating as fast as they could.

"Where ya been, Cherry?" Pony asked as I sat down.

"Over at the bar," I said and Darry glared at me. "I wasn't drinking, Darry, I was talking to this guy…"

"I told ya all of the guys stared at ya," Soda pointed out, but I ignored him.

"Listen, his name's Mike and he wants to take me to the movies." I didn't actually know where Mike had planned on taking me, but I knew the movies wasn't as bad as some of the places he could take me. "Please, Darry, can I go?" I gave him the same puppy dog eyes that I had given him earlier, but this time I didn't have my other brothers backing me up.

"No," was all Darry said before going back to his food.

"Why not? If it was Soda you would let him go with any broad he picked up here!" I was getting angry and I think it was partly because I knew I only had a few weeks before my life changed forever. I would be showing that I was pregnant by then and I wanted to have all the fun I could while I had the chance.

"Soda's different," my eldest brother said.

"How is he different?" I argued. "Just because he's a year older than me? He was dating when he was thirteen and I haven't even had an official boyfriend and I'm fifteen!"

"No," Darry said again. "That's it, now sit down and eat."

"No!" I repeated Darry's first words and grabbed the truck keys he had laid on the table. "I'll be in the truck." I stormed out of the restaurant and went out to the truck, which was sitting right outside. Opening the side door, I plopped down on the worn out seat. We only have three seats in the truck and when all four of us go somewhere together, either Soda or Pony sit in the bed of the truck so we could all fit.

I was sick of Darry not letting me go anywhere. It wasn't fair in any way at all. I was fifteen and going out with a guy shouldn't be that big of a deal, but of course, with Darry, anything involving me and Pony was a big deal. Anything with Soda went fine with him, and it bugged me to know end.

A sudden knock at the window made me jump, but when I looked over, I saw Mike smiling at me. I gladly rolled down the window so we could talk.

"I'm guessin' they didn't dig me with you?" he asked.

"It wasn't 'they', it was him," I explained. "My oldest brother is a real pain."

"What about your parents?" he asked and I frowned. I didn't talk to people about what happened to my parents at all. Even Soda, Pony, Darry and I never mentioned it. But I couldn't lie to Mike.

"They died in an auto wreck a few months ago. Darry, my oldest brother, takes care of me, Ponyboy and Sodapop. He even works two jobs and everything," I explained. Surprisingly, Mike didn't seemed put off at all. In fact, he seemed even more turned on.

"Well, you gotta admire that," Mike said. I could see the figures of Soda, Darry and Pony getting up from the table we had been sitting at and knew that if Mike didn't want his head beat in, he would have to leave. I grabbed a pen and a small piece of paper off the floor and scribbled on it.

"Here's my number," I said, handing it over. "Call anytime between three and five." Mike took it and smiled. My heart soared while looking at his soft features. He really didn't look like an ordinary Greaser. He was much more fragile than Darry or Tim Shepard. I couldn't help but feel attracted to him. When the others reached the truck, I hopped out of the passenger side and climbed onto the back.

"Oh, c'mon, baby," Darry said to me. "I know you're mad, but you don't even know him."

"Yeah, and I guess going out with him wouldn't be a good chance to find out what kind of person he is," I yelled at Darry. He seemed taken aback because I never talked back to him like that. Sure, I did occasionally get words in like I had inside, but nothing like being as sarcastic as I had sounded. "Just take us home, Dar."

He looked at me, but got in the care nonetheless. "Soda and Pony, get in the truck," he ordered and we drove home at an alarming speed. I suddenly wished I had stayed in the truck because I was freezing my butt out sitting in the truck bed.

When we got home, I jumped out of the back and ran into the house and to my room. I couldn't lock it because the person who had picked the lock on my door before (I found out it was Steve) had never bothered to fix it. I didn't care though because I knew nobody would bother me tonight.


	10. Puking Starts a Wonderful Day

-1**Disclaimer: Only Cherrytree likes me…the others don't, that's why they went over to S.E. Hinton.**

**A/N: Not much to say about this chapter. Updates will continually get slower because I will be able to be out of the house soon enough. Happy reading!**

Three days later, at four in the morning, I hobbled out of bed and headed to the bathroom, feeling nauseas. I knew what was coming a minute later when I spilled my stomachs contents into the toilet bowl. The same thing had happened yesterday, too, and I had three words to say about it. Morning sickness sucks.

I had paid careful attention not to let any of my brothers hear me yesterday. Partly because I was still mad at Darry and didn't want to argue again over me being sick when I wasn't. Darry and I only talked when we needed to and I told Soda about Mike, but he said he didn't know the guy. It had sort of anger me that Soda would just brush it off like that because Soda always listens to what I have to say.

It had all been for nothing though because Mike hadn't even called me. Not even a simple hello over the phone, I thought as I brushed my teeth after throwing up. Then all of a sudden I heard big foot steps coming down the hall and tried to stay as quiet as possible. It was no use though because there was soon a knock at the bathroom door.

"Cherry?" I heard Darry whisper through the door. Apparently I had been louder than I thought. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Darry," I said coldly, but Darry opened the bathroom door anyway and saw me sitting on the floor with my head leaning back against the wall. He leaned down and felt my forehead, but I knew it wouldn't be hot.

"You don't have a fever, but you certainly sound sick. Maybe I should stay home with you today," Darry expressed. He looked honestly worried as he stared at my flushed face.

"I'll be fine, Darry." I didn't argue about staying home from school. It would have been very different of me to not take a chance to skip school. "We can't afford for you to stay home, besides, I bet Two-Bit will skip and take care of me." The only reason I mentioned Two-Bit was because he knew my secret and would cover for me if I really begged.

Darry seemed to study me for a moment and the wave of nausea that I though had disappeared came back like a tsunami. I quickly turned over to the toilet. Darry wasn't grossed out by it, in fact he helped by pulling my hair back and smoothing it out while he tied it. He could really be a good Mr. Mom when he wasn't busy working to pay for everything. He had always been that way. I felt like I couldn't even stand up and Darry noticed my feeble attempt to stand. With his strong arms, he picked me up like a baby (oh, if only he knew he was actually carrying one) and took me to my room.

"I'll talk to Two-Bit this morning," he said, covering me with a blanket. I thought it was kind of funny that Darry, who fully supported an education, was going to ask Two-Bit, who could go to school, to stay home and miss out on learning. But I was too tired to think and fell asleep almost as soon as Darry laid my head on the pillow.

-----

"Hey, Cherry." I was thrust into the real word, getting off the very traffic jammed dream highway.

"Rosebush, get the hell up!" All of a sudden, I was flying on the road of reality, springing up with my eyes wide open. Two-Bit was sitting there, drinking a beer and laughing at me. "Darry said you're sick."

"I'm not sick," I answered, rubbing my sleep drawn eyes. "It's called morning sickness. I'm fine, now I need you to say I'm sleeping whenever Darry calls because I have to get to work."

"Oh no," Two-Bit pushed my shoulder so I flopped back down on my bed. "I'm not lying to Darry and have my head kicked in later."

"Please," I begged and got off the bed anyway. Digging at the bottom of the bed, I found my uniform and headed to the bathroom to change since Two-Bit obviously wasn't going to leave my room anytime soon.

"Soda told me you met a guy," he changed the subject. He was good at doing that.

"Yeah, so?" I asked, beginning to brush my teeth. Two-Bit was quiet for awhile and I was about to check out to see if he was okay because Keith Matthews was never quiet when asked a question, but a minute later I knew what he was thinking about. In fact, I think he was the only one in the gang brave enough to ask the question since it was something we never talked about.

"What about Johnny?" My face paled. I had had a long conversation with myself about Johnny and Mike and it ended up in me saying Johnny would have wanted me to get over him. I couldn't just tell this to Two-Bit, though, so I decided to put on a tough guy act.

"What about him?"

"Well, weren't you two almost together?" Two-Bit came into the bathroom, knowing I had finished changing because I had swung the door back open. Nobody closed the bathroom door unless they didn't want anybody to come in. "At least that's what it looked like to everybody."

"Yeah, we were," I admitted. "But he's gone." I mumbled the last part, as if a curse would be put on me if I ever said the words out loud in the house.

"How could you just get over it so fast?" Two-Bit asked and thought I heard some anger in his voice. Or was it sadness? I wasn't sure; I was too busy feeling enough pain for both of us.

"I didn't."

"It's been two months!" Two-Bit argued. "If you don't call that fast, you're fuckin' crazy."

"Do you think I want to forget about Johnny?" I burst out. "But I have to! Mike was a nice guy and … it doesn't matter anyway, because he never called. I can never forget Johnny! I lov-" I stopped short. Admitting that I loved him would make it a million times harder to get over him. "I probably wouldn't be here if he was still alive. I could be in school, making the horrible grades I always do and have Darry yell at me because of them. That would be the worst of my problems, but now I'm stuck with a baby I don't want, my brothers not even letting me talk to a guy my age besides you or Steve, and a job that takes almost all of my energy away! Please, just tell Darry I'm sleeping or something when he checks up. I'm leaving."

I grabbed my jacket and left the house, going to the nearest bus station to be picked up. I wasn't even sure of how Two-Bit reacted and wondered if he would attempt to follow me. Since I saw no form or shape of him coming down the road, I relaxed a little. There weren't any tears coming down my cheeks, nor would there be any. I was just tensed is all because when you try to get over something and everybody else is still feeling sorry for you, its hard. It wasn't like I hadn't grieved, because the whole gang knew I had. Steve had even caught me sobbing and throwing stuff in my room. There's some things that you need to get over and there's some things that you want to get over. Johnny's death was both. It was hard enough having Pony lose himself through all of this. I could never imagine being in Darry's position; he had to watch me and Pony sink away into oblivion and couldn't do any damn thing about it.

The bus stopped and I knew I had to get off. I could just imagine work today being the most horrible day I had ever had. I was proved right as soon as I came in the door. Sarah, the waitress who helped me out the other day, gave me a tray full of mugs and pointed to a table in the far side of the restaurant. I groaned when I saw two tables pushed together and grumbled even more when I realized they were mine.

"Sorry, Cherry, they just came in," Sarah said. "These are their drinks, I took over until you came in."

"Thanks, Sarah," I honestly expressed. Sarah always covered for me, and if she was running late, I would gladly cover for her, but she never seemed to be late or anything.

I worked as hard as I could for the rest of the day, but I couldn't have been happier with the tips I received. I was pretty sure that I had made more money that day than Soda made in a week. And that wasn't counting my actual paycheck, which was coming on Wednesday. My first paycheck and I already had a bank account waiting for it.

The wave of people coming in never seemed to stop and I almost didn't get out on time, but when the guy after me came in, I booted it out of there as fast as I could so I could get the bus, which I almost missed. It took almost half an hour to get home because there was some type of accident between two Soc cars on the main road. I almost ran home from the bus stop so I could get there before Pony would. I opened up the door and slammed it close, running to my room and changing into one of Soda's old DX shirts and a pair of sweatpants.

"Boy, you ran in here so fast, you didn't even see me," Two-Bit said, leaning against my doorframe and sipping from a can of beer. "And it looks like you have food in your hair."

I picked out the piece of bread that had been implanted in my hair by a screaming toddler and laid back on my bed, relaxing.

"Darry came by during his lunch break."

"Please tell me you covered for me," I pleaded, getting up off the bed and advancing on Two-Bit, who didn't flinch. He just stood there calm and grinned like a Chessy cat.

"'Course I did. But he did almost come in your room to make sure you were in here," he laughed. "I almost had to fight him back. You know, that would have been like a sumo wrestler against a mouse. You owe me for almost having my face beat in." I laughed because though Two-Bit was one of the toughest guys I knew, he and everybody else, knew that Darry would knock him down in a second. Especially to get to either me, Soda or Pony.

"Sorry 'bout that," I pushed past him to go to the kitchen. The cupboards were filled with delicious food and as much as my mouth was watering for them, I had to grab the box of crackers in the back.

"How appetizin'," Two-Bit laughed as I nibbled on the end of a cracker.

"It's all I can eat," I said. "Or if you want me to throw up like I did this morning, then I can eat some of that cake in the icebox." During my lunch break, I had figured out that my sickness didn't just last in the morning after I had taken a bite out of a juicy cheeseburger.

The phone rang and Two-Bit went to answer it. We got used to it after Mom and Dad died. The gang was over here so much that they decided that they might as well just pick up the phone and say hello to whoever wanted to talk to us. Sometimes even Two-Bit's many blondes would call for Two-Bit himself. That hadn't happened in awhile though because I think Darry yelled at him when one quite obsessed bimbo didn't know that Two-Bit didn't actually live here and called just about every hour.

I carefully listened from my place in the kitchen. "Yeah, she's here, what's it to ya?"

I instantly sat up in my seat. Nobody ever called here for me unless I specifically told them to, not even people I met in school. That meant one thing. That Mike had finally called.

"She's in the other room, I think I can hear her…sounds like that guy from across the street," Two-Bit grinned into the phone. My ears turned red from embarrassment and I slapped Two-Bit on the back.

"Looks like she's done," he said, handing the phone over. He still stood there laughing wildly as I gave him an evil look.

"Hey," I said into the phone breathlessly. I had run all the way from the kitchen to stop Two-Bit and his antics and being pregnant didn't actually put you into the best shape.

"Hey, Cherry?" I heard mike through the receiver and smiled.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that." I sat down on the couch to relax.

"A brother?" It sounded like Mike was laughing and I had to grin.

"No, an annoying man who just sleeps on our couch and eats our food," I answered wittily and purposely looked up at Two-Bit who shrugged and went into the kitchen, nonetheless trying to hear the conversation without being seen.

"Ah, I know how it is," Mike joked. "We get those all the time at my house." I laughed into the phone, not really knowing what to say.

"So, I was wondering," Mike got to the point. He seemed completely calm. "Are ya doin' anything this Friday?"

"I don't think so," I answered.

"Do ya wanna go to the movies with me? The Nightly Double."

"'Course I do." I smiled, but Mike seemed to read my mind.

"Will your brothers let ya?" he asked. He seemed to understand that my brothers were very protective of me, the same way Johnny had been.

"I'll be there," I reassured him. I was getting out of the house whether Darry let me or not. He wasn't going to wreck my chances with Mike.

I didn't know that Darry wouldn't be at all concerned about Mike by the time Friday advanced upon us.


	11. I Don't Make the Grade

**Disclaimer: S.E Hinton.**

**A/N: This chapter is the longest so far so enjoy! I tried my hardest on this one! Happy reading!**

When I hung up the phone, Two-Bit came in and sat down beside me. I began to wonder where Ponyboy might be, school had let out awhile ago. I shrugged it off because everybody knew he liked to walk around by himself, however stupid it may be.

"Shut up, Two-Bit," I said before he could even open his mouth up. He just laughed and sat back and turned on the television. I was surprised he didn't say anything, but wasn't going to risk questioning him about it. Maybe he finally saw my point about Johnny.

Just at that moment, Ponyboy walked in the door and dropped his backpack on the ground carelessly before kicking off his shoes and putting them away in the same fashion. If Darry so much as saw that, he would flip, but I don't think Pony cared. He had a sort of confused look on his face with his eyebrows scrunched up at the top of his head and his eyes focused in front of him instead of looking around the room. Then I noticed that he had an envelope in his hand and his hands were gripped white on top of it.

"Hey, Pony, what's up?" I asked carefully as he went into the kitchen. He simply tossed the envelope into my lap and I read the front:

_Ponyboy Michael Curtis_

_Homeroom: 310_

_Teacher: Mr. Genginder_

_Report Card_

It went on with the school's name and emblem and the lines where a parent/guardian had to sign that they had seen the report card (I don't know why they even have that because most of the kids forge a signature anyway). But I stopped after I read report card. When I was supposed to go back to "school" and came home empty handed, I'm pretty sure Darry wouldn't just let it slip. Especially if I made up a dumb excuse like the school had forgotten to make mine or something. I tried that once when I was in sixth grade with Dad and I was grounded for a week because he said it was bad to lie like that. It would be a lot worse with Darry.

I slipped open the top and took out the paper inside. Then I sort of made a face as I checked out the grades. The highest he had gotten was a B in gym, but all you had to do in that class was walk the laps and remember to bring your uniform to change into. The rest of the grades were C's or lower. I even saw one F in math. I didn't really understand because Pony had always been very smart and if you ignored the lack of common sense, he would be the smartest person I knew.

"Whoa, kid, your brother isn't goin' to dig this," Two-Bit said after reading over my shoulder.

"Ya know what else he ain't gonna dig?" Pony asked carefully. He seemed really frightened of his report card, but he had something else on his mind. It was just something I could tell after living with him for fourteen years.

"You," Pony pointed at me, "droppin' out of school." My mouth moved up and down in an attempt to get words out of my mouth, but nothing happened and I quit trying. I vaguely heard Two-Bit mutter something and then him get up to leave, but I wasn't paying attention to anything besides Pony's angry face. He didn't get too angry very often, but when he did, it was kind of scary to watch, or, if you were on the receiving end, endure.

"Why?" Pony asked and stood towering over me. He probably thought that it was intimidating, but I felt like a fly in a spider web as soon as the word "dropping" was said.

"I was - I was going to tell you, Soda and Darry as soon as-" I stopped short because I really hadn't known when I was going to tell my brothers that I had dropped out and why. When I was settled with a job, maybe? I was already set with a good paying job, though.

"As soon as when?" Pony asked. He wasn't yelling and it sort of scared me that his voice remained steady. He was beginning to remind me of Darry, which meant that the real Darry would be a lot worse. "You know how it is when you go to the office to get a report card for your sister and they tell you that you dropped out a week ago? Well, it can make you feel pretty stupid, especially when you knew nothing about it!"

"I'm sorry, Pony," I said barely above a whisper. "But I had to. I didn't have a choice." I desperately prayed that he would understand.

"Didn't have a choice?" he asked disbelievingly. "Everybody has a choice!"

"No, not everybody." Tears were coming and I couldn't stop them. Stupid emotional hormones. I wiped furiously at my face. "Not everybody has a choice when something bad happens!"

"What happened then?" Pony demanded. He was beginning to lean his head towards mine in an attempt to seem larger and louder. "What could possibly happen that you just _had_ to drop out of school?!"

"See this," I said, pointing to my stomach, knowing that everybody would soon know my secret and decided to just give up. "Well, it's holding something I don't want it to and so I had to get a job to pay for the damn thing!" I threw my hands into the air and almost smacked Pony in his face, but he backed up into Darry's armchair in time to not be hit.

It was obvious Ponyboy was flabbergasted as he sat there staring at me. I wanted him to stop, so I walked into the kitchen and sat down in a chair out of sight. I cleared the tears from my face and mentally prepared me for when Darry got home, trying my hardest to ignore Pony's footsteps moving to his room and the slam of his door. He didn't like confrontation and I barely thought to myself that that had gone well when Soda and Steve came in with a slam of the door and the thud of shoes hitting the wall.

I knew they would come into the kitchen, but I made no attempt to move from my position, instead, just burying my head into my arms on top of the table was a good enough way to hide myself.

"Hey, Cherry," Soda greeted cheerfully as he and Steve found refreshments in the icebox. "Feelin' any better? Darry made us be real quiet this morning'. Says you were up sick last night."

"No," I answered honestly. I may have not felt nauseas, but guilt was riding in my veins and that was always enough to make anybody sick.

I felt a hand smack my back and knew it was Steve trying to cheer me up, but it didn't help at all. Instead I felt the pity I would receive from him when he found out I was pregnant with a Soc's kid.

"Aw, Cherry," Soda said. "Do ya need anything?"

"When's Darry gettin' home?" I asked but the sound was muffled from my arms as my head was still resting in them.

"Uh - I think he was almost done with the job he had to do today, so soon I guess," Soda answered, sitting down beside me. "Why?"

"I need to tell him something," I said solemnly and looked up at Soda. He made a confused look and I knew why. I never told Darry anything. Never. Darry knew nothing about what happens in my life unless Soda or Pony tell him. Or I have to ask him to do something, but then I usually avoid doing whatever I wanted to do anyhow.

"Go ask Pony," I told Soda because I really didn't want to tell him my should-be-joyful news. He gave me another look, but didn't question me as he went to go find our younger brother. Steve surprisingly didn't follow Soda into the bedroom, and instead stayed out with me. At that moment, I really hated being the only girl in the house. Sometimes it just makes me feel so small when all the guys are around, or when one guy is around and he was trying to get me to look up to him like Steve was now.

"You might wanna leave," I warned him carefully.

"Or I might wanna stay," Steve countered. He lit a cigarette and blew smoke all around the kitchen. I could tell why Ponyboy hated the kid. Darry hated smoking in the house and he was just going to make things worse.

"Or I might want you to leave," I said angrily. "Get out! Tonight's going to get real bad without you helping, so go." I grabbed the cigarette in his mouth and took it over to the sink to put it out. "Now."

Steve gave me a dirty look, but left out the front door anyway. I stared after him in disgust. See, Steve can be real nice at times, but when you start to be any bit rude to him, he was a total jerk. It was really annoying to be around. But I blame his father who tosses him around a lot. Though Johnny hadn't been any bit like Steve and he was practically beaten to the ground every time he went home.

Soda came into the room and up to the sink to wrap his arms around me and I sunk into his chest. I didn't realize I had been so close to collapsing, but my legs felt as if they were about to fall to pieces. Before I could fully cry out in despair, Soda held me out at arms length. His vibrant eyes were still glowing, but they seemed to have a little bit more maturity behind them at that moment. He grinned, but for once, I didn't have the heart to smile back.

"Listen, Cherry, it's gonna be okay," he said carefully, looking me in the eye. "Darry, well, he's gonna be mad, but you just gotta let him yell, okay, babe? He's not gonna be mad at you, but at the fact you didn't tell us, okay? And at those Socs. Just please don't yell back." I nodded with tears blocking my vision. I knew why Soda was telling me to be quiet. The last time a big fight broke out in our house, Pony was gone for a week and two of our gang died. Soda didn't want that to happen again. None of us did.

"Can you imagine a little you running around here?" Soda asked, chuckling under his breath, after we had stood in the kitchen for awhile.

I smiled a little bit. "Or a little Soc. Or in an apartment. I couldn't bring another child in here to Darry. That's why I dropped out and got a job and all." When I said that, Soda hugged me a little tighter.

"You are in no way leaving," Soda said. "I won't let you and neither will Darry or Pony."

"But I couldn't put all that weight on Darry. It's going to be a baby," I stated matter-of-factly, though that was obvious. "A real baby. Something I have to care for the rest of my life. In nine months I will never be free to go out with just you, Darry, and Pony by myself. I will always have a baby on my hip. Soda, I don't want to have this baby."

"I know you don't, babe, but it's going to happen," Soda comforted. "When the baby comes, the whole gang will be here to back you up, you know that right? Everybody, even Steve and Two-Bit. Once they know I know at least Two-Bit will keep you in his sight at all times. "

"Um, no he won't," I said. "He already knows. He kind of found out the day I dropped out."

"Whatever you do, don't tell Darry that," Soda said. "Or Two-Bit will never be around to see the baby. So, how much you makin' at this place you work?"

"It's a restaurant on the Soc side and let's just say I make more in tips than you do in one week at the DX," I hinted. "I get about five dollars tip from every table, if not that much even more."

"Any way I could get a job there?" Soda said and I laughed. Then I heard the door open and close with big footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

I hoped the fact that he hadn't yelled at Ponyboy for throwing his stuff around meant that Darry was in a good mood. Soda and I parted from each other's grasp and sat down at the kitchen table.

"We finished today," Darry said proudly. We all knew that when Darry and the crew he worked with finished a roofing job, they all received a bonus considering on how well they did the job. It encouraged all the workers to finish faster, which meant more money for the company, but it also greatly helped around our house.

Darry spotted Pony's report card envelope on the table and picked it up. Once he slipped open the envelope and read the grades going down the list his eyes got really icy and the vein in his temple began to throb. Without even talking to us, he turned on his heel and went back to Pony's room.

"Pony's failing his classes," I told Soda because he wasn't used to Darry acting to strange with Pony's report cards. Mine maybe, but not Pony's. "All of them except for gym and he even has a B in there."

I could hear Darry yelling a bunch of things at Pony and once in awhile Pony would yell back, but mostly he kept quiet. It was kind of weird hearing it thinking that Darry would be ten times worse when he heard my ordeal, but I tried to block out the noise as best I could by focusing on the cracks in the kitchen table and cupping my ears closed. Though the sound still leaked in, it was a little better. Soda ventured off to try and stop the bickering like he always did, but it still went on. Eventually my hands got tired of being over my ears and I had to let them down. The noise now seemed to be just loud whispers and then finally I heard Darry tell Pony that he better get working on that assignment and figured it was my turn to step up to the plate. I just had to remember three strikes and your out.

"Where's yours?" Darry asked angrily, almost ripping off the icebox door as he got out some chocolate milk to drink. His eyes were icy, just like they always were, but this time they seemed ten times worse, like when Pony had run away. I had to admit that I was about to yelp and run away like a small dog against a Saint Bernard.

"I don't have one," I choked out. Darry turned swiftly on his heel like he was a cat about to pounce on a mouse. I thought to myself, _strike one._

"What do you mean? Don't tell me Pony forgot to get it at the office. I even reminded him to this morning." _Strike Two. _Darry was about to go back to Pony's room when I stopped him with my hand touching his arm, but I instantly withdrew.

"Pony didn't forget," I said. "Darry, I dropped out last week." _Strike Three. You're Out._

I looked at Darry's face for a reaction and a reaction is exactly what I got. About ten different reactions. His face turned to confusion, anger, sadness, fury, questioning and madness as fast as the wheel on Two-Bit's car racing up the street.

"How could you even think of dropping out? Do you realize how much of your life you just ruined?" Darry screamed. My mind wanted to get up and yell right back at him, telling him this wasn't my fault, but my feet were like bricks glued to the ground by cement. "Your grades were getting better and you have no right to just go dropping out like you're the president of the United States doing just whatever he wants! How could you even be so stupid! You're going back tomorrow and begging the principal to let you back in."

"No, I'm not," I interfered. I knew Soda didn't want me to talk back but I had to. There was no way I was giving up my job at the diner and letting Darry pay for the baby which he didn't even know about yet.

"Yes you are," Darry countered. I stared at his face, into his eyes so that he knew that I wasn't joking about what I was talking about.

"No, I'm not."

"Well, your not just sitting around here all day while Pony's at school and me and Soda work to pay for all the food you eat!" Darry yelled and my blood boiled. I didn't even eat that much.

"You really think I've been sitting at home all day?" I relayed the fight, trying to take control. It was hard when you were arguing to gain the upper hand with somebody three times the size of you, but I was doing all I could. "Well, for your information, I got a job the day I dropped out! And I earn more than Soda does!"

"Yeah? And is this with play money because you know that doesn't always pay the bills like it did when you were younger!"

"No, its with real money. The kind you pay for clothes with and the kind you can use to pay to raise a child!" I felt tears burn at my eyes and my throat close. "Because that's what I have to do! Raise a damn child that's just lying in my body right now!"

Darry's mouth closed in shock and I continued my rant. "Yeah, I'm pregnant all because of those fuckin' Socs. And I'm going to have the baby and take care of it with my own money that I make all by myself! I got the fuckin' job and dropped out of school just so _you_ wouldn't have to pay for everything!"

Darry couldn't just let me finish with that, so he added in some few choice words that really irked me. "How could you let this happen?"

"What was I supposed to do Darry?" I yelled and advanced on him. My face inches from his chin as I tried to become taller by standing on my tip-toes. "While they were stripping off my clothes, was I suppose to tell them politely to use a condom? Or maybe before they even did that, was I suppose to dial 911 while they pinned me to the ground? Well, Darry, you may be fifty times bigger than them, but with me being fifty times smaller, I tried my hardest to get away. And you know what that got? Them angrier and me with a baby to raise! So, whether or not you want me to, I'm going to have the baby and take care of it by myself. All by myself."

Darry stood there inarticulate as I turned around and stormed out of the room, but Soda was already there waiting for me. He pulled me away from the hallway and back into the kitchen where Darry still stood glued to the floor.

"I - I'm sorry, Cherry," Darry said aloud.

"No, you're not," I said. For once, I wasn't going to take another 'I'm sorry' from Darry that he didn't even mean. "Soda, let me go, I'm not going any where."

"Really, Cherry, I'm sorry," Darry repeated. His eyes seemed tired, not icy anymore and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't ready to accept the apology though so I stayed quiet. "But why didn't you tell us?"

"Because I was afraid that you would yell just like you just did," I pointed out and Darry mouthed the word 'Oh' with his lips. "Listen, all you have to do is keep me here for nine months, then I can find an apartment somewhere. I'm sure that some tenant would let a sixteen year old rent their space."

"You really think I would let my kid sister out on the streets with a baby to raise?" Darry asked and I realized that what I had just said might as well have been trash, completely useless. "I just don't want the state to take you to some girls' home because you are pregnant."

"Well, that's where I come in," Soda said proudly, trying to lighten the mood. He cracked his knuckles in intimidation. "They won't take you away, Cherry, I promise."

I nodded, because honestly I didn't think a girls' home would take in a pregnant teen anyway. I was just worried about money and whether I would have enough. Darry seemed to be calming down now and I knew once he got used to the idea, he wouldn't yell so much when I did something wrong. Then I would have all his support. And all I needed was my family's support, not to mention the extra money Darry got from finishing his roofing job.


	12. Will You Please Say Yes?

-1**Disclaimer: All but Cherrytree and Sarah belong to Susie.**

**A/N: Happy reading! Reviewing helps chapters come faster!**

-----

Friday has come, I thought to myself as I pulled my body out of bed and towards the bathroom to go on with my morning ritual of morning sickness. So far, starting on the day after I broke the news to my brothers, at least one of them had been up with me. Usually it was Darry or Soda because Pony didn't have the stomach to watch somebody else spew, but today it looked like I would be toughing it out alone.

Every time my stomach decided to empty itself, I blamed it on the baby. Every time somebody offered me delicious food and I turned it away for a cracker, I blamed it on the baby. Every time I wanted to chase Pony down the sidewalk but became short of breath right after the first five steps, I blamed it on the baby. I couldn't help it, but this baby was ruining my life. The only thing good about it was that the whole gang seemed to wait on me hand and foot, but that had gotten annoying after just a few days. Now all I had to look forward to was my date with Mike tonight, and before that, I still had to tell Darry about it.

When I was done driving the porcelain bus, I parked and got up to brush my teeth so the disgusting taste would disperse from my gums. Then I wiped my face just to make myself feel cleaner and fell back into my bed, ready for a few more hours of sleep.

The few hours seemed like a few short seconds. You know how that is? You wake up in the middle of the night, look at the time and think that you have three hours left of rest, but when you fall asleep, it's kind of like the three hours turn to mush and soon your being woken up by banging on your door. This morning I knew it was Two-Bit waking me up because the banging on the door didn't stop after just a few knocks. Instead it persisted until I got up and opened the door to show Two-Bit that I was actually awake.

"You don't look too pretty in the morning," Two-Bit grinned at my frizzing hair that was piled on the top of my head in a ponytail and Darry's old high school football jersey which drowned me and you could barely even see the shorts I was wearing. He had been in a better mood with me since I told my brothers about being pregnant and now he took every chance he could get to make fun of me. I didn't appreciate it that much.

"Yeah? You never look too pretty but ya never see me tellin' you that, do ya?" I laughed at Two-Bit's mocked hurt expression and patted him on the back as I moved out to the kitchen to get some toast. "Don't worry, I hear they have classes now to help build self-confidence."

"Now for that, you don't get any of the breakfast Soda made," Two-Bit said, sliding in front of me and grabbing the plate that had been set out for me to eat. I shrugged and went to the find some bread and stick it in the toaster.

"I can't eat that stuff anyway," I said, eyeing the food on Two-Bit's plate. I couldn't even make out what it was made of. It looked like one of those splatter paintings you make when you're a kid in art class because the teacher thinks you can't paint in the lines. "I'll puke."

"Too bad, it's appetizin'," Two-Bit said as he made a face and spit the food back onto the plate so the whole house could see the chewed up grossness. That was when Soda came into the kitchen, plaid in his DX uniform, which was a white tank top, blue overshirt, jeans, and his cap. I remember when I had first reached freshman year and Soda was still in school. All the girls in my grade all of a sudden had it dawn on them that my older brother was actually good looking, which I had known since I was about five. I was handed so many phone numbers and addresses to give him, I think I lost half of them before first period even began.

"Hey, what's wrong with my food?" Soda asked, having already eaten and obviously thought it tasted good.

"Nothing," Two-bit answered. "Just the fact that it should be fed to dogs, not people."

Soda cocked an eyebrow and laughed because he was used to people making fun of his cooking, but he didn't care one bit. "Hey, Cherry, sorry I didn't get up this mornin'. I didn't hear you."

"It's not like I was never alone," I assured him, taking my toast out of the toaster, buttered it and sat at the kitchen table with some chocolate milk. "Besides, why should you and Darry always have to get up?"

"'Cause we love you." Soda grinned, but didn't continue the getting up in the morning conversation. "You know what I was thinkin' of last night?"

"What?" I asked, rolling my eyes. Despite how much I didn't want to have the baby, Soda seemed really into having a little one in the house. He was always coming up with different ways to change the house around, which Darry didn't like because usually he tried to go on with his plans by moving furniture out of rooms. Soda was a kind of person who dreamed something up and then went on with his plans without actually thinking them out first.

"What are we gonna name it?" he asked joyfully, looking for his shoes.

"I dunno," I told him. "I don't even know whether it's a boy or a girl."

"I think we should name him Keith, but everybody can call him Little-Bit," Two-Bit added into the conversation. I laughed and shook my head.

"First of all, it might be a girl. Second, Keith is a horrible name. And third, nobody is calling my kid Little-Bit." Two-Bit took a long sip of his beer and tried to think of another name, which brought me to point number four. "Also, if you ever come near this house drunk or even a little bit wasted when the baby comes, I'll make sure you won't be able to have a mouth to put beer into."

"How come?" Two-Bit asked. "It's not like I'm dangerous when I'm a little soused."

"No beer," I finalized, "when the baby comes. And if it's a boy, I'm naming him Caleb."

"Caleb? That's a stupid name," Soda said, coming back from the living room where he had ventured off to find his sneakers. "You should name him something like DX or Mustang. Something tuff."

"I like the name Caleb," I argued and defended myself. Caleb Curtis. That's a nice name, much better than DX like Soda wanted to name him. And what if it was a girl? Maybe something like Olivia or Jade. I don't know, it was something I would think of when the nine months were up.

Darry came into the room dressed in the clothes he always wore to work, except he had a jacket on because it was beginning to get cold out. Ponyboy was right behind him, being told that if he didn't start his assignment tonight, he would be grounded for the next two weeks. See, after Pony brought home his report card, his English teacher, Mr. Symes, told him he could write a theme on something in Pony's life. So far, Pony wasn't getting anywhere at all. I was a little worried about him.

"Hey Darry," I said, looking up at my eldest brother, figuring now would be as good a time as any to ask if I could go to the movies tonight. "Can I go to the Nightly Double tonight?"

"Sure, Two-Bit, ya wanna go with her so she's not alone?" Darry asked Two-Bit, who was still trying to think of a name for my baby while building something with Soda's home cooking.

"No, Darry," I stopped him. "I wanna go with Mike, ya know, that guy from the other night at The Dingo?" I begged him by sticking out my bottom lip just a smidge and making my eyes wider than normal.

Darry turned around from the sink and stared at me long and hard. I tried not to shift uncomfortably in my seat, but it was hard when you have a pair of ice cold eyes trying to read your mind. I couldn't decide whether or not he was going to let me go. He had been a lot more gentle with me since Monday, but he was also a million times more protective, if that was at all possible. Darry had let me do whatever I wanted around the house, but whenever I wanted to go outside, he would make another member of the gang come with. It kind of ruined the effect of privacy I had wanted by getting out of the house.

"I dunno, Cherry," Darry began and I slumped in my chair. "I don't even know this guy or anythin'. How do ya know he ain't gonna be like Tim Shepard or somethin'?"

"He's not. I talked to him last Friday and he called on Monday," I tried to reassure Darry. "Please Darry, I only have a few weeks of my life left before this baby becomes visible." I patted my stomach lightly so Darry got the point. He scrunched his eyebrows and thought awhile. Darry got like that whenever I mentioned the baby in any way. I still don't think he fully accepted that I as pregnant, but he was trying. That's all I could ask.

"I would - " I looked up hopefully. "I would feel better if Two-Bit or somebody else went with ya."

"Does that mean I can go?" I hopped up from the chair.

"I guess," Darry said, still unsure of his decision. "As long as somebody else goes with you."

I hugged Darry in my excitement and was pretty sure I looked like a little girl who had just gotten permission to get a candy bar or something. Yet, I didn't care. I looked back at Two-Bit with expectant eyes.

"Don't look at me," Two-Bit said. "I'm already going to Buck's tonight with some blonde I met down at the gas station. I'm not going to the Nightly Double."

I think Darry actually looked pleased that Two-Bit couldn't go, but that wasn't going to stop me. I didn't want to take Steve, but he was the only other one with a girlfriend, which meant he wouldn't watch me all night like he was my older brother. So, I went off to find him sitting in front of the television set watching some type of boring morning show.

"Steve?" I asked cheerily. "What are you doing tonight?"

"I dunno," he said, eyeing me suspiciously while picking his teeth with a toothpick.

"Do you and Evie wanna go to the Nightly Double tonight? Please say yes," I begged as an afterthought.

"No," he said anyway. "Evie's out of town and I'm not goin' with you and that guy." I eyed him madly and then had to make a decision. Pony wouldn't be able to go because of his stupid essay and he would just come home and tell Darry what had happened in a way to get on his good side. That meant one person was left….

"Soda?" I called throughout the house. "If I get you a good lookin' broad, will you come to the Nightly Double tonight?"

"I dunno, Cherry," he said from the kitchen. "Movies are borin'."

"Please, Soda, I can't go any other way."

I looked into the kitchen to see Soda sitting there, thinking quietly. He saw my face and couldn't say no. "Alright," he sighed. "But this broad better be good lookin'."

I smiled widely and thought about who I was going to get to go with Soda. Then the perfect girl came to my mind. She worked at Milly's and her name was Sarah. Just hopefully, she would agree.


	13. Nightly Double Dose of People

-1**Disclaimer: SE Hinton owns all but Cherrytree and Sarah.**

**A/N: I like this chapter, and I have really been working hard on becoming better. I hope everybody realizes that and that my writing is getting at least a tiny bit better than the beginning. I thrive on comments and suggestions, so please leave a review, telling me what you can see coming in the rest of the story and any other little thing you think of while reading. Happy reading! **

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I took a good look at myself in the mirror and checked every part of my body to make sure it looked okay. Make-up was fine; it was the same as it was the day I met Mike. I didn't want him to think I dressed up a lot to go out and turn him off. Most greaser girls would put on way too much eye shadow or liner, but I didn't want to look like a tramp. Darry probably wouldn't have let me out of the house if I put that much make-up on anyway. Besides, I had limited supplies.

I even let my hair down after I took a shower so that it hung around my face. After a few minutes of scrounging around under my bed I eventually found a cute white headband that I hadn't worn since sixth grade, but it still looked good. My clothes were simple, mostly because the only fancy clothes I had were the ones Cherry Valance gave me, and those would look ridiculous going to the movies. So I put on a pair of Pony's old jeans (though I was older, he still was bigger than me) and a white collared shirt. Since it was so cold out, I grabbed my jean jacket and a red scarf that had been hanging in my closet unused for ages. So, I still looked like a greaser girl, just a little bit less exaggerated.

Sarah had agreed only after a little persuasion to come. It hadn't taken long after I mentioned Sodapop was the one she would be going with because apparently every girl in Tulsa knew who he was. She was meeting us down there, as was Mike, so it was only Soda and me walking.

After one last check in the mirror I went out to the living room where Soda was sitting on the couch impatiently. He was dressed in casual jeans and a regular t-shirt. I liked the way he never got dressed up when going out anywhere. If he had actually decided to dress up, his good-looks would overshadow me by miles, so I was glad he hadn't. Soda looked at me approvingly. He had probably been expecting an entirely different girl to come out of my room because I had spent so much time in there.

"Ya ready?" I asked nervously. I don't know why I was so jumpy. I had never been this way with Johnny. We had been always comfortable together. "Sarah and Mike are meetin' us there."

"Yup," Soda said, getting off the couch and then yelled into the kitchen to Darry that we were leaving. I don't know why, but Darry didn't come out to say good-bye like he usually would have. It may have been because he didn't want to see me go out on a date, or he couldn't get off the kitchen chair from his back hurting so much from work. I wasn't sure which. Instead, the oldest Curtis just told us to be careful or else and we left out the front door.

We walked in silence for awhile, which is strange when you're with Sodapop. His mouth usually has at least something interesting to say, just like Two-Bit, but a bit more appropriate.

"Hey Soda," I said carefully, too curious for my own good.

"Yeah?" he answered, looking at me strangely, though he really had no reason to.

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?" I asked.

"Oh, I just think it's funny my kid sister is setting me up on a date," he said, grinning like a movie-star. I knew that hadn't been what he was thinking, but I went along with it. "I must be losing my charm."

I laughed at him as he stumbled over a stick that had fallen off of a tree and he almost fell. "Believe me, you're not. Sarah agreed right after I said your name. Besides, you're not going to bother Mike at all, are you?"

Soda glanced up at the sky, as if really thinking it over. "It depends what he does." He smirked as I frowned.

"Come on, Soda," I pleaded. "Please don't do anything stupid that will embarrass me. I only have a few weeks before I look like I'm actually pregnant." My last words brought on a whole other topic of conversation, which I had been thinking secretly long and hard about.

"Are ya gonna tell him 'bout it?" Soda asked carefully.

"I dunno," I answered and shrugged like it didn't really matter. In truth, I had stayed up late last night thinking about it. Every single pro and con known to man had come to my mind, some were completely ridiculous like: What if I went into labor tonight at seven weeks pregnant? Eventually, after getting the thought out of my mind that a meteor was going to crash and Mike wouldn't save me unless I told him everything about my life, I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't tell him tonight. If the date went well, maybe next time, but tonight was too soon.

"I think you should," Soda said wisely. "It's not fair if ya don't."

"Not tonight," I confided. "If it doesn't go well, then I have nothing to worry about afterwards. Maybe next time if everything goes okay."

Soda shrugged then grinned wildly. "Hey, check this out. I've been practicin'." He had obviously gotten bored with our other conversation. I think the sudden change of subject might have also been because Soda didn't like to talk about relationships with me ever since the baseball field incident.

So I watched as Soda jumped off the curb and did a flip in the air. He landed perfectly on his feet and bowed proudly. I had never actually gotten a hold of the whole gymnastics thing Darry had taught the whole gang. I did one handstand, my shirt went up, or down I should say, so everybody would see my worn out bra and I landed painfully on top of my head. I quit trying to learn after that embarrassment, but was teased for a whole month by Two-Bit until Darry got sick and tired of him telling me to pull up my shirt again that Darry yelled at him. When Johnny had still been alive and we had been becoming closer, he had even told Two-Bit to shut up once, which had surprised everybody. Nobody liked to bring up topics that had once included Johnny or Dally unless they needed to, so it was a dead topic nowadays.

When we got to the drive-in, since we didn't have a car, Soda and I paid the quarter to get in and then went to the seats for the walk-ins. Sarah was waiting there, dressed in a skirt and sweater. I knew she was a bit more wealthier than us, but she wasn't a Soc. Sarah was part of the middle-class that had enough money to buy what they needed or perhaps a new car for their sixteen year old, but not a lot more than that. Soda looked her over and grinned, obviously thinking that she was good-looking.

"Sodapop, this is Sarah," I told him, though he already knew who she was. "Sarah - Sodapop."

They smiled at each other and then started talking about some random thing that I wasn't even sure about, but I didn't care because my eyes were scanning the crowd for Mike. I finally spotted him walking over from the front gate and waved him over. He smiled and then pushed something in front of him to keep moving. I looked a little bit closer and noticed a small kid, about five or six maybe, leading the way over. He had dirty blonde hair that masked over his eyes, as if trying to hide something, and from so far away, the only other thing I could tell was that his shirt was five times too big and he had on blue pants.

It was just me who greeted Mike and the little kid as they came over because Soda and Sarah had gone and sat down already. I didn't know whether they had just hit it off real well, or Soda was just using his charm to get through the night. It was something he liked to do when he was stuck on a date when he didn't want to be. He knew just how to get the girl to feel comfortable enough to have a good time, but send enough signals that he didn't want to go out with her again. Steve had told me all of this a year or two ago when he was envying his best friend. Unlike most of what Steve said, that had kind of stuck because I had just become a teenager and I was interested in boys, who could possibly be like my brother.

"Hey," I said happily when they reached us. Mike looked good in just about the same outfit he had been wearing at The Dingo last week. A t-shirt with some type of logo on it and pants, but he still looked cute. His hair was only slicked back a little bit more than the last time I had seen him. I figured he wanted to impress me and didn't think anymore of it.

"Hey, Cherry," Mike greeted enthusiastically. He looked down at the little kid standing in front of his legs. "This is Tyler. Sorry, I didn't know I'd be stuck with him tonight 'til my parents said they had to go somewhere at the last second. I tried to get out of it."

"That's okay. I had to bring my brother too, but he has a date with." I looked down at the kid again and noticed he had two dollars grasped tightly between his two hands.

"What's that for?" I asked him sweetly, figuring if I was going to be talking this way soon, I might as well have practice now. I took Mike caring for his little brother as a good sign he would take the pregnancy well, when - or even if - I told him.

"Cigarettes," Tyler answered back proudly and I kind of stared at him and then up at Mike quizzically.

"He smokes?" I asked hesitantly, unsure of what to make of the situation.

"Not if I can help it," Mike answered back, embarrassed. "Tyler," he said down to the kid, "Mom said that's for popcorn and a soda. Not cigarettes."

"But you would use it for cigarettes," Tyler stated and I laughed. This kid reminded me of somebody, I just wasn't sure who. Just the way he said things made me think of somebody in my mind without a face or voice.

"Hey, Tyler," he looked up at me and I grinned. "Do you wanna meet my brother? He works with cars."

Tyler's eyes lit up and I knew I struck gold. The kid liked cars and cigarettes. It reminded me of a mix of Steve and Ponyboy, which probably wasn't the best combination of people in the world. The vision of Tyler digging into the hood of a car with a weed in his mouth, or changing somebody's tires, which covered half of his body, came into my mind.

"What kind? Mustangs are tuff," Tyler asked excitedly.

"He's seen a bunch of those," I hinted at, actually having fun with the little kid, talking about something I had no interest in unless one was trailing me. "Ya know I rode in a Stingray once?"

"Really?" Tyler bounced on the balls of his feet, too excited for his own good.

"Yup, a blue one," I said, taking Tyler by the shoulder and leading him over to where Soda and Sarah were sitting. Soda seemed perfectly at ease, but Sarah looked like she was as stiff as a board sitting next to my brother. I wondered why. They had been talking like old buddies and now here they were, barely even acknowledging the other. I made a mental note to thank Soda later by buying him some new piece of clothing. He probably wouldn't accept it, but it would be worth a shot. He didn't seem to be having such a good time, and now I was dumping a kid on him. How great of me.

"Tyler, this is Sodapop," I told him, looking at my brother expectantly. Soda looked at me strangely, as if saying 'This is your date?' and then grinned widely. "Soda, this is Mike's _little brother_."

"Is Sodapop your real name?" Tyler asked incredulously, forgetting about cars for the moment. "I want a name like Sodapop, Mike." Tyler looked back at his brother.

Mike was there, standing right behind me, eyebrows cocked up to the brim of his forehead. He seemed to be enjoying the sight of me with his brother, and I blushed a little bit around my cheeks, glad Mike was standing behind me so he couldn't see. Soda saw though and he laughed, then he let Tyler sit in the seat beside him and started talking about his name and how our Dad had argued with my Mom over it. All us Curtis' knew the story of how Soda hadn't been named for over a day when he was born because Mom didn't want a kid with the name of a beverage. Yet, Dad wouldn't have it, and on October 9th, a day after Soda was born, he finally had a name. I thought it was kind of ironic that the boy without a name for twenty four hours would be known by almost everybody when he grew up.

"Wanna go sit?" Mike asked me when Tyler was settled and in deep conversation with my brother. There were no more seats next to our friends, which I was kind of relieved of, because I don't think Soda would have liked it so much if Mike did anything with me while he was sitting right next to us. Soda didn't mind me dating, he just was particular in not seeing anything happen.

I nodded to Mike and we went back a few rows where two empty seats were waiting for us. The movie hadn't started yet, just the commercial with the dancing refreshments. When I was younger, I used to watch with amazement at the tap-dancing soda and wondered when my own cup was going to sprout arms and legs and dance in the same way. Nonetheless, when I asked Darry why my cup wasn't doing what the other one was, he laughed at me and told me it would never happen. That was when Darry had been happier and the thing he was worried most about was being caught at the movies with his family. I missed that Darry. I think everybody did.

"You gonna go off with Tyler instead of me?" Mike joked, sitting down and rubbing at his arms because the air was so cold. My whole body was on the verge of freezing up, but I didn't say anything.

"It depends if he uses that money for good instead of evil," I laughed at him and Mike joined along. At first, I actually thought he thought that I didn't like guys that smoked. That was pretty hard to do considering Ponyboy smoked like he would die if he didn't.

"Sorry I had to bring him," Mike apologized again. Then he glanced up at his brother with Sodapop and Sarah. Soda was getting up and leading Tyler to the snack stand, but Sarah stayed behind. I didn't know whether it was because she didn't want anything, she wanted to save their seats, or she wasn't having a good time. Maybe I would have to buy something for her instead of Soda. There goes my well earned cash.

"That's okay. I have to get used it to it," I said genuinely. It was true that I had to get used to it, but Mike took the comment in the way that we would be together for awhile. I didn't bother to tell him it was for another reason.

"He's a real kid brother, though," Mike said proudly. I looked at him strangely. What, was he fake or something? Did he have a zipper attached to his back under that oversized shirt. "I mean he does everything you can expect from a little kid. He puts holes in the milk carton, dyes your hair green, and last week he dumped out all my hair grease." So that was why his hair was greasier than last Friday.

"He dyed your hair green?" I asked, chuckling at the thought of good-looking Mike with green hair, walking around town with no hair grease to put it back with.

"Yeah, the little monster," Mike said, but he grinned. "It was like that for a month last year. I love him, just wouldn't want one of my own."

"Yeah," I sighed, suddenly feeling a bit of foreboding of the future. If Mike didn't want a kid of his own, there was more than a good chunk of a chance that he wouldn't want to be around me when I confessed I was pregnant. I rung my hands nervously in my lap, and Mike noticed.

"You want a kid?" he asked, disbelievingly.

"I can honestly say I don't," I told him and he believed me. I no I hadn't exactly told him the truth. I didn't want to have the child at all, but not telling him a bout it at that exact moment just seemed like a mistake. I don't know why, but it just felt all wrong.


	14. I Loved You

-1**Disclaimer: waves at all the Outsiders characters riding off in the distance on a train. Cherrytree, Sarah, Mike and Tyler all of a sudden jump off and say they're staying with me. I frown…all I really wanted was Sodapop**

**A/N: I like this chapter a lot and I worked real hard on it to make it right. Please review! Happy reading!**

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Mike and Tyler walked with me and Soda home. Soda was having fun with the kid, trying to get him to identify cars or showing him his fantastic acrobat moves. Tyler was amazed at it all and I couldn't have been happier with how the night had turned out. Even though the conversation had taken a bad turn at the beginning, the bumps on the road evened out soon after that. As we walked down the street together, his hand took mine and I blushed. My face usually never got red with embarrassment, but it had been burning a lot that night, even when Mike had asked me to come get popcorn with him (I didn't eat any because getting sick wasn't an option tonight). Mike liked it though, he smiled every time the color returned to my cheeks.

Reaching our house made me think of any excuse to get Soda inside so Mike and I could say good-bye. Maybe even share a kiss? I hadn't kissed anybody since the night Johnny died and wasn't sure I was ready. In fact, I wasn't sure I was ready for this date, but I felt I needed to go out with Mike to get over Johnny. Over the course of the two movies, Johnny had popped into my mind whenever Mike had made a move on me. Maybe that's the reason I was blushing so much. Johnny was watching me with Mike and his anger was channeling to my cheeks. I know, a stupid thing to think, but I had to blame it on something. Blushing wasn't something I usually did.

"Soda, I'll meet ya inside," I muttered, hoping Soda would get my point and leave. Tyler was already standing by Mike's side, ready to go home and sleep. He had purple bags under his eyes which screamed that if he didn't get to a bed soon, he would pass out on the street.

"Fine, you have one minute," Soda said and rolled his eyes. "I won't be able to hold Darry off any longer than that. He'll flatten me like a pancake trying to get through the door." Soda laughed at his own comment as he went inside the door and shut it behind him. I grinned after him, happy he had actually left. I had feared that he wouldn't leave.

"So, I'll call ya tomorrow?" Mike asked hopefully.

"Yeah," I choked out awkwardly. He came in towards me half a step, closing the gap between our bodies. By instinct, I went forward on the tip of my toes to reach up to Mike's face as he bent down reach me. Our lips met in a sweet embrace, but that's all there was. Just our lips touching for a few short seconds and then us pulling apart.

"I better go inside before Darry comes out searching for me," I said, then quickly went through the door inside the house as soon as I heard Mike say good-bye. Very faintly through the door I could hear Tyler making kissy noises that were probably accompanied by a very exaggerated face. I didn't grin or laugh though, something was bothering me greatly.

What had I expected out of that one kiss? Fireworks to start exploding, electricity to shoot between our bodies, a force like a magnet pull us together tighter? I barely even knew the guy and it wasn't like we were going to get married or anything. I guess I just expected something like when Johnny and I shared our first kiss together. It had been a magical moment, better than any other kiss I had ever experienced and it had left my heart fluttering for days. Was I really expecting the same thing to happen from Mike?

In truth, the answer was no, I didn't think that anything special was going to come out of it. Yet, a part of my mind had tricked itself into thinking I had the same thing going on with Mike that I had with Johnny. It wasn't the same, not in any way possible could Johnny be compared to Mike. Johnny was caring, not that Mike wasn't, but Johnny…well, Johnny had a way of coming over when I was looking my worst and tell me I looked beautiful, while not allowing me to comb through my hair or anything. I suppose Johnny didn't want me to be self-conscious around him, but whatever his reason was, I could never forget it.

Mike wasn't Johnny, and I don't think I thought he was, I just hoped he was. Johnny was the reason I had cooped myself up in my room for a month sobbing until my body shook, but no tears were able to come out. Johnny being dead was the reason I had been jumped and raped. Johnny was the reason I even went over to Mike in the first place. Johnny was the reason Dallas Winston was dead. Johnny was the reason Ponyboy was scarred for life. But most importantly: Johnny was the reason I couldn't go out with Mike any more.

I know dumping him after one date wasn't just ignorant, it was plain stupid of me. Not only did I not know anything about him besides having a little brother and he didn't want kids, I was denying the chance to get to know the mysteries of him. I couldn't help it though because my mind was putting up a wall to the part of the brain that had Mike focused on it. The wall was quickly becoming as large as the Great Wall of China had been. But even that came down eventually, right? For some reason I knew that my wall wasn't coming down though. It was made of steel and cement, nothing was bringing this wall tumbling.

Only when I heard Darry cough awkwardly did I realize I was still standing in front of the front door, staring off into it like it was a mirror and I was possessed to my reflection. He must of thought I had been thinking of a wonderful experience I had just had with Mike because when I turned around, he had one eyebrow cocked and was looking at me expectantly. I blushed for the millionth time that night. It was one of those rare moments where Darry didn't actually want to know what had happened in my personal life, but pretended he was the adult that needed to know and I wasn't about to give information when it wasn't wanted.

"I'm gonna go to bed," I said tiredly, finally realizing just how tired I was. I probably looked out of it. I get that way at night because my face gets real pale and my eyes get really purple under them. Two-Bit always liked to joke that I looked like a zombie returned from the dead at night. I ignored him, but deep down it had always bothered me, which is why I thrive on summertime, when my skin is too tan to turn white at night.

"'Night," Darry bid to me as I made my way into my room. I closed my door quietly and grabbed a loose pair of pants and a large t-shirt to wear to bed, just like every night. It was about one in the morning, and knowing I was just going to wake up in about three hours to get sick, I couldn't quite bring myself to lay down and go to sleep, no matter how tired I felt. So instead, I found a pad of paper and a worn out pencil on top of my desk and started doodling like a lovesick pre-teen. I wrote names on the paper, mostly Johnny, but a Mike would pop up every now and then. Hearts would be curved around the names, stars would magically scatter themselves around the page, and my name would be directly linked with some of the boys' by a plus sign.

Eventually my eyes grew too heavy and the pencil began to slip in my hand. Before I could even put the drawing safely hidden in my drawer, my head hit the bed and I was out like a light.

I had woken up to puke at four and then gone straight back to bed because I could barely keep my eyes open. The next thing I knew the bright sunlight that was streaming into my bedroom made it too hard to stay asleep. With my eyes closed, I tried to roll out of bed, but my feet hit something or someone sitting down. My eyes opened slowly, focusing in on Ponyboy sitting down at the end of my bed. He was holding the pad of paper I had drawn on last night out in front of him, staring at it intently. Obviously, he hadn't noticed I had woken up.

Ponyboy only ever came into my room when Darry ordered him to wake me up. That usually never happened though because I was always up before Pony. It was weird I ever slept in. I used to sleep for hours into the morning, but ever since Mom and Dad had died, I had been up with the sun. I guess it took a toll on me once in awhile when I fell asleep in school, but Darry never said anything about my change in sleeping habits, so I just decided that if it was okay with Darry, it would be okay by me. Back then I didn't push Darry at all because he was too busy trying to gain custody of Soda, Pony and me. I figured that if he was doing all he could to keep me, I would at least try to stay out of his hair.

"Hey Pony," I mumbled sleepily, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. Pony suddenly realized I was there and looked over. Then he looked back to the paper and I realized what he thought was so interesting. Johnny was written all over, and though I had thought I had written Mike at least five times, his name was only there once, down in the corner. It was obvious Johnny had more control over the paper because his name was written in big loopy letters, very much unlike my regular handwriting. I had quite visibly written the name meticulously across the page even though I didn't really remember doing that last night. I sat next to Pony with my legs dangling over the side of the bed and the blanket still over part of me. We were both silent.

I wasn't embarrassed one bit. If anything, I was scared of what Pony would do. See, we kind of have an unspoken rule in our house to not talk about Johnny or Dally with Ponyboy. And up until Two-Bit had mentioned Johnny's name to me a few days ago, nobody talked to me about it either. In fact, when I thought about it, I wasn't sure even Steve and Soda talked about it at the DX. Maybe everybody in the gang was on Cade and Winston lock down. Nobody brought it up, so nobody talked about it.

"Ya miss him?" Pony asked quietly. I felt like I was a little five year old girl next to my father even though Pony was a year younger than me. It was weird, sitting here with Ponyboy, who had spent the whole last week of Johnny's life with him. In that way, I was jealous of him. I had only spent two days with Johnny before he died and more than half the time, he had been sleeping. I was envious my younger brother spent more time with the man I loved before he died. I didn't in anyway hate Pony, I just was mad sometimes because of that strange fact.

"Yeah," I answered honestly. I didn't bother to ask the same question back because we both knew the answer was yes. Pony didn't say anything either. He stared at the page and outlined what I had written like he was in a trance. I could only imagine what was going through his mind at the moment. He was expecting to come in, yell my name, maybe throw the covers off of me and then leave when I got up. Instead, he had come in and saw the pad of paper which had his best friend's name written all over it by a lovesick teenager. It must have been a shock.

Pony had never been exactly the loudest person, but when something came up that he was interested in, he usually spoke up. Not now though. Pony sat there, staring at the page with me looking over his shoulder. Maybe we both thought Johnny would come out of the paper alive and never leave again. Maybe we both just wanted to pretend like he would.

It was like we sat there for ages, not moving, just staring at the page. I wasn't much of an artist, but the picture was captivating to us both. It was like a spell had bound us and we couldn't move even if we wanted to. I think Darry came back to know why the heck Pony hadn't gotten me up yet, but he left with a questioning look on his face when he realized we were both sitting there like robots with the power switch turned off. It was strange. Even though I was sitting on the bed I slept in every night with my brother sitting next to me, it felt like I was sitting over the two of us, watching the scene unfold like a director. Instead, I was the actual actor and I was supposed to be doing something, but I couldn't. The director was yelling action, but Pony and I didn't know our lines.

And then, like a punch straight to my brain, thoughts started coming to me. What had I been thinking? Johnny was the right one for me and Mike wasn't. I would wait until I was dead to be with Johnny, never laying my eyes on a guy again. How could I have ever thought about going with Mike when Johnny was clearly watching down from heaven and feeling like his parents had just gotten to him because I was with another guy? I didn't know how I could have ever done that to him.

I felt another body sit next to me on the bed and turned to see Sodapop trying to take a glance of what we were so transfixed on. Then Darry came in and sat behind me, having his legs bent under him like a little kid would when listening to story time. The way he sat made him look softer, more approachable maybe. He definitely looked younger.

Darry reached over Pony's shoulder as gently as he could and pried the pad of paper out of his hands. He glanced at it once and then set it down carefully on my dresser. Soda put his arm around me gently and pulled me in closer to him and I just realized then that I was crying softly. I let Soda comfort me like he had when Mom and Dad had died. I was positive Darry wasn't going to bring Pony into him like Soda had done with me. He probably wouldn't even had done that if it was me, but Darry settled on kind of giving Pony a small back rub. I knew that with Darry, it was his way of showing that he really sincerely cared. Darry had never been a touchy-feely kind of guy.

"When'd ya write that, babe?" Soda asked gently. He rubbed my back a bit, as if to put me to sleep.

"Last night," I muttered into his shirt. "When we came home." I wasn't sure when I had started crying so much, but the tears were starting to soak through Soda's shirt. When I tried to pull back though, Soda wouldn't let me go. He held on tighter as if I would be gone with the wind if he let go.

"You alright?" Darry asked uncertainly and I vaguely wondered who had been there to comfort him when Mom and Dad had passed away. Did he ever go to their graves? I didn't. It was too heartbreaking to know that they lay in a dirty hole somewhere when Mom had always kept the place she lived in as clean as she could.

"Yeah," Pony answered and I could hear him sniffle, knowing he was crying. He wasn't alright because Ponybody never took death well. When Mom and Dad died he didn't know what to do with himself and he didn't eat for awhile, claiming everything Darry tried to cook didn't taste like Mom's food. I felt bad for Darry then and tried to make it up to him by eating Pony's share along with mine. It only helped me gain a few pounds and I stopped after the first week. Usually, I didn't care about what I looked like, but when the extra fat came onto my stomach it bothered me greatly. It probably would almost kill me when the baby came protruding out of my pelvis.

"What 'bout you, Cherry?" Darry asked kindly. I honestly didn't know how to answer because I didn't know whether or not I was okay. I missed Johnny. That much was clear, but did that make me not okay? Could I no longer hold the perfect posture in a way to trick everybody around me I was alright? Would I all of a sudden fall to my knees and beg God to take me too? No, I wouldn't do any of those things. That didn't mean I was okay though.

My mind was spinning faster than a drag car and it was giving me a headache. I was so confused about what I wanted. No, that wasn't true. I knew what I wanted; it was just I didn't know what I wanted that I could actually have. If the world was thrown onto me, I would bring Johnny back into my arms and never let go. I would have gone back in time and stopped Darry from slapping Pony and bring Johnny into our house to sleep. Nothing would have happened then. If Bob Sheldon hadn't died, I could have Johnny kissing me awake right now and Dally would be in the background making fun of us. I would give everything I own for that to happen right now. Too bad it couldn't.

"Cherry?" Darry repeated. He probably thought I was embarrassed or something like that in my long pause to answer.

"No," I concluded. "I want Johnny back." I know I sounded like a whining child right now, but I could help it. I truly wanted Darry to magically snap his fingers and have Johnny stand right in front of me, waiting as if I was the one who left him. I knew it could never happen, but Darry could do anything, right?

I sat up from Soda and looked at the floor, unsure of how everybody was going to react. Surprisingly, it was Pony who spoke up first. He wasn't loud, he talked in more of a whisper - but he still talked first and I was briefly impressed. Until what he said hit me hard on the face.

"He loved you." I already knew that, but it sounded weird coming from Ponyboy, my youngest brother. Johnny had told me right before he died before Pony and Dally showed up after the rumble. I didn't even get to return the favor and tell him my feelings back. I started to, but never got to finish the three letter phrase. I said 'I love -' and then Pony came rushing in with Dally. Johnny said his final words on Earth and suddenly, before I could even finish with 'you' he was gone. Dally had rushed out of the hospital first, going to rob a convenience store with the stupid unloaded gun that would be his downfall. Pony had staggered out soon after, but I stayed and laid my head on top of Johnny's lifeless torso. The doctor could get me off of him and they eventually called our house. Darry drove Soda down, who cautiously took me out of the room. I will never forget that night. Ever.

"You loved him," Pony stated matter-of-factly. I couldn't muster up the words to agree because everything I thought of sounded wrong. Instead, I quietly scooted over to the backboard of the bed to lean on. I was aware of all my brother's eyes on me and quickly wondered where Two-Bit and Steve were, but forgot about it soon enough.

Nobody in the gang had ever experienced out of family love before. Sure, we loved each other, but like brother and sister, not like soul mates. That was until Johnny and I came together. I tried to give him everything he wanted and he returned the gesture. We were compatible. We didn't do that stupid stuff like finishing each other's sentences, but we still knew what the other was thinking. It sounds like a fairy tale, I know, but it was real and I think both of us were still doubting loving each other up until Johnny and Pony hid in Windrixville. Then we knew we couldn't be apart.

Soda had thought he had been in love with Sandy, but that had just been lust. Nothing more than that because that bitch left my brother during the worst week of his life. I had liked Sandy, but not after the stunt she pulled. If I ever saw her again, I would make sure she would be in pain.

"Yeah, I did," I finally said after a few moments passed by. "I loved him." It sounded surreal to be saying it and for a second there was no Mike who was probably wondering when he should call for our next date. There was only my brothers and Johnny Cade in the room. I liked it that way. It was supposed to be that way.

Why didn't anything ever go like it was supposed to?


	15. Tar and Fresh Air

-1**Disclaimer: SE Hinton owns all.**

**A/N: Sorry it took so long, I was in NYC the past three days and then HP and the Deathly Hallows came out on Saturday, so I was reading. Also, sorry Christmas just kind of came up suddenly, my timeline was all screwed up. And all though it's not right, Cherrytree is seven weeks pregnant, not the five that's she's supposed to be. The timeline will be correct from this point forward. **

**Happy reading!**

**-----**

Darry carefully set up the tree in the corner of our living room. With only six days before Christmas, and our depressing talk from the morning, Soda had come up with the idea that we should start decorating. Usually, in our family, we didn't put up any decorations until Christmas Eve, though everybody was always itching to get them up. This year though, with my parents, Johnny and Dally gone, it hadn't even felt like Christmas was advancing upon us. Not only that, I had been working so hard that I hadn't really been thinking of the holiday. I hadn't really been thinking about anything besides Johnny and work. And of course, Mike, who I was dreading the phone call that would be coming later on.

I had no clue what I was supposed to say to him. I mean, wouldn't I sound extremely nutty if I said I couldn't go out with him because I was fawning over some dead guy? Maybe I could let Soda talk to him and tell him I had been put in the hospital and was under intense care. Or perhaps Darry could get on the phone? Nobody wants to talk to me after they talk to Darry because he was too intimidating.

I was actually hoping Mike hadn't felt anything and wouldn't call today. It would be a big relief if he didn't. Johnny wouldn't leave my mind ever since the talk this morning. Up until Soda had suggested we bring the tree down from the attic, I had laid on my bed staring at my drawing, trying to figure why it was so captivating. Pony had gone to hibernate in his room, muttering something about a theme and hadn't come out since. Darry warned us to leave him alone, well, he only warned Soda because he didn't want to yell at me. In fact, Darry hadn't even let me touch the tree until it was stably put up and precisely screwed into the holder. I helped put it up last year, but apparently having a baby inside of you really makes others think you are too fragile to do anything. The only thing I was allowed to do was put the bulbs on. My hands weren't even allowed to come near the lights. Maybe Darry and Soda thought I would commit suicide and strangle myself with them. I had been extremely messed up this morning over Johnny and I still was.

So, instead of watching my brothers do the work, I went back to my room to grab a wad of money stuck in my underwear drawer. For some reason, the painting captured me to it again, but instead of just staring at its wonders in amazement this time, I took the pad and ripped the top paper off. I carefully folded it and tucked it safely in my jean pocket, feeling as if a part of Johnny was with me. That was how it should be. A part of Johnny should be with me - no, not just a part - the whole Johnny should be with me.

With my hand in my pocket, curved over the folded piece of paper and the other wad of cash in my other pocket, I went back out to the living room. Soda was busy tangling the lights around the tree and Darry was sitting back, trying to give out directions on which way to go, or which branch looked the best. You could tell that it was usually Mom that put up the lights, but they were trying the best they could. It was actually kind of funny, and if I hadn't been so depressed, I might have been laughing.

"Darry, can I go to the store?" I asked softly, not wanting to interrupt the Christmas Tree lighting, though Darry seemed relieved when I spoke. "I'll walk up to the shopping center."

Darry seemed to consider my request for a second and I realized how stupid I was for asking to go alone. Also, walking wasn't the best thing to say to Darry at the moment. I figured I knew his answer before it even came out of his mouth. Darry would say no, and I would feel too bad to ask Soda to come with because he had already sacrificed his Friday night for me. I couldn't ask Pony because he was working on something for school and if I interrupted him, Darry would ground me and the baby until I was old enough to move out.

"How are ya supposed to carry everything back?" he asked and I felt my eyes widen a bit in surprise. If my eldest brother was asking how I was supposed to do something after shopping, that meant I was allowed to go shopping. He probably thought of it as a girl therapy method to forget about this morning or something. Nobody in our house had gone shopping for clothes or anything since Mom and Dad died, more or less because we didn't have any extra money to spend.

While Darry, Pony, Soda and Dad always used to play football, Mom and I took a day out of reality just about every two months and went shopping. We splurged a lot of the time, shopping not only for ourselves, but for my brothers, Johnny, Dally, Two-Bit, Steve and Dad. Though Dad would be kind of mad at the bill afterwards, Mom would tell him that it was from money she had set aside everyday and there was nothing to worry about. After awhile, I began to wonder if my Mom really set aside any money, but I trusted her and we would head off every two months on a traditional trip.

"Just 'cause I'm pregnant, doesn't mean I can't carry stuff by myself," I defended my body. "There won't be a lot of bags anyway, I can't afford that much. I can always take the bus home though," I added thoughtfully, hoping Darry would go along with the bus idea.

"Sure," Darry agreed without much thought and I was surprised, to say the least. I could see Soda grinning from where he was wrapped up in wires behind the tree. I wanted to believe that Darry trusted me at that moment, but I wasn't sure why he agreed all of a sudden. Had my arguing with him finally proved something? Probably not.

"I'll be back 'fore dinner," I said and grabbed a jacket from off the back of Darry's recliner. Heading out the door, I smiled when the crisp air hit my face. I took a deep breath as if letting all my troubles build up in my lungs and then exhaled out for longer than needed. But it felt good and I headed up the street with only Johnny Cade and Christmas presents stuck on my mind.

-----

The store was full of last minute shoppers so I had to carefully maneuver around the shelves and racks of items. So far I had picked out a few books for Pony (he had read all of the others in the house), and clothes for everybody in the gang. It was rare we got new clothes, so I picked out the sturdiest pieces of cloth I could find. All of the new clothes and books were stuffed into a very large bag and I could help but wonder into the maternity section. I didn't need any clothes that would fit my soon to be new body because all of Darry's old t-shirts would work fine. Growing up being a greaser meant a lot of things, but one thing all the girls knew was that you didn't buy anything if you didn't need it. Darry's old shirts would work just fine.

I made my way out of the maternity section, staring at the baby toys and cribs a moment longer than I normally would have. I didn't need to buy any of that stuff yet because I was barely even pregnant. And I had to save up some more money. The crib, high chair, and all the toys were a bit out of my cash range.

The shoe aisle was right next to the baby supplies so I wandered into there to check out a couple new pairs of sneakers for everybody. I could only buy for Soda though, because he was the only guy in the gang I actually knew what size shoe he wore. But Pony had actually lost his pair awhile ago in the school locker room and had been treading around in one of his old pairs, which were way too small for him, so I decided to guess for him. Darry wore Dad's old shoes. Buying him a new pair might give off the bad sign that I wanted him to forget Dad. And after he just let me go shopping by myself, I wasn't in anyway about to insult him.

Darry always wore those shoes proudly and never to work did he put them on for. After Mom and Dad's funeral, he had gone into their room and searched around for the leather, tan colored shoes that Dad had always worn around the house. Dad and Darry had been so much alike that everything in Dad's closet would have fit my eldest brother perfectly, but for some reason, Darry only took the shoes. Pony, Soda and I never went into our parents' room. Don't ask why. I don't think we even know. The room was left alone, with the door shut tight at the end of the hall. Nobody had gone in it since Darry, and nobody would go in it for a long time. I sometimes wished for something of Mom's, but the room sort of scared me.

Suddenly, I heard a crash from a few aisles down from me. Too curious for my own good, I had to go check it out and found two Socs standing by a shelf where almost all of the shoeboxes had fallen to the ground. One had curly hair and the facial features sort of resembled that Bob Sheldon Johnny had killed and the other had jet black hair and very dark eyes. They were both about a foot taller than me if not more, but I remembered them from somewhere. I couldn't place where exactly, but I hated these boys with all my heart.

They were standing there with looks on their faces that obviously said that they were thinking of a way to get out of the trouble they had caused. With all three boxes of shoes in my hands and the bag of clothes and books hanging from my wrist, I tried to get out of there without making any sound because everybody knows that if a Greaser is around Soc trouble, the Soc will blame the grease. It's how life was. Unluckily, my foot hit the side of the rack, I tripped and to save myself from falling flat on my face, I had to drop the shoes and put my hands out in front of me.

When I looked up from my spot on the ground, the two Socs were still standing at the other end of the aisle, but now they were looking at me with smirks on their faces. The one that looked like Bob Sheldon lead the way over to where I was laying on the floor and I scurried to my feet, not wanting to get caught beneath these boys. It was then that I realized who they were and I turned around and ran out the store as fast as my legs would carry me.

A few people shouted at me on the way out, but I didn't pay any attention to them because I knew those two boys were trailing along right at my heels. In fact, they were probably going to catch up to me at any moment, but I kept running anyway. The last time these guys caught up to me, I ended up with a baby in my stomach and one of them was the father. I want Johnny. I want Johnny. That's all I could think about as I made my way up the sidewalk.

I knew I shouldn't be running while I was pregnant and after about a block with my one heavy bag weighing me down, I was so out of breath I was afraid my lungs would collapsed. Yet, I kept going. My legs took over controlling my body and my mind was left to just sit emptily in my head. They just took whatever turns and crossed whichever roads they wanted too, and even when I was sure the Socs had just given up, my legs kept going, though they were burning with pain to stop. I couldn't stop and I didn't know where I was going because my house was down the road I had just passed.

I tried to look around while the world was blurring past me and I got glimpses of houses that I used to pass everyday on the way to school. My legs slowed to stop in front of one of the most rundown houses on the block. There were empty and crushed beer cans littering the lawn and the bushes were in a need to be trimmed. No lights were on and the door was open wide open. Whether it had been left open or the wind had knocked it open because the hinges were loose, I couldn't tell. Even the smell of stale alcohol was around the yard. I couldn't believe I had brought myself here, to the place Johnny had once resided.

I wasn't sure if his parents still lived there, but all the signs pointed to no. Though the house did sort of look like it had when Johnny had been alive. His mother had never kept up with the house-keeping and we all knew his dad was always too drunk to care to pick up the beer cans he had previously emptied. I hated to say it, but he was sort of like Two-Bit in that way. Their motto was: _If the can was empty, why bother with it. _

For some reason, the painting I had stashed into my pocket earlier in the day was making me move forward towards the house. My feet felt waterlogged going up the rundown wooden steps. Inside the door it smelled more like beer than it had outside and the air was kind of damp. I felt kind of guilty because Johnny had told me just a week before he had left to go to Windrixsville that he never wanted me to go inside his house. We had been lying outside in the vacant lot under the stars and he just sort of told me not to. I asked why, although back then I had no sane reason to go in his house, and he only mumbled under his breath something like his father beating me if I ever came over for him. But he made me promise and I did. Now I felt like I betrayed him as I looked around at the flies attacking the dishes in the sink or the couch which had the springs sticking straight out of the bottom.

The television was stuck in the corner of what looked like the living room and a big armchair - very much like Darry's - was stuck right in front of it. As I looked around more closely, it actually looked as if Johnny's parents had just all of a sudden kicked up and abandoned the house. There was a half eaten piece of pizza lying on the kitchen table and a half can of beer sitting next to it. As I walked into what seemed like the washroom, there were still clothes lying in the dryer. Farther down the hall, Johnny's parents room door was wide open. The bed was messed up and used condom wrappers were scattered all over the ground. I scrunched my face up in disgust. Did he really have to live with this?

I was beginning to think that Johnny didn't even have a room at his own house when I happened upon a door at the furthest end of the hall. Inside, it looked barely bigger than six feet by six feet. There was a mattress stuffed into the corner with only one blanket on top of it and a pillow was nowhere in sight. The room was so cold because the window was wide open and when I went over to close it, I tugged so hard I almost ripped my shoulders out of their sockets. No wonder Johnny never seemed to get cold. He had just been used to it.

Looking around more at the room, there was still a highchair from when Johnny had been a baby and a pile of clothes were lying folded (probably the only organized thing in the room) against the wall. I grabbed one of the shirts, and as if I was a dog identifying another dog, I smelled it. Sighing, I recognized the scent of Johnny: tar and fresh air. I know it may not be appealing to everybody, but I loved that smell. It gave me a connection to the man I loved. Without feeling at all embarrassed that Johnny was watching me up in heaven or scared that somebody might come in and find me, I stripped off my shirt and put on his. It was sort of like having him hold me to him again, but it actually made me more sad. The tears which I had been waiting to come ever since I stepped into the house began to fall down my cheeks. Collapsing, I curled into a fetal position on top of Johnny's old bed and cried my eyes out.

Almost hyperventilating, I hugged Johnny's shirt closer to my body and cried even harder. There was nothing I wouldn't give to have Johnny come in, screaming at me that I shouldn't be in his house. Besides, Johnny never screamed at me. His voice sometimes had a little bit of a tenseness in it, but it was never raised.

"Johnny, why did you leave me?" I whispered fearfully, as if I was going to get an answer. "We were supposed to be together." The words came out in short bursts as I could barely get the breath out to talk.

"I - I loved you."

"Johnny," I poured my heart to nobody. "Johnny, I need you here, to help me. Help me. This baby…Johnny…I need you. Only you would know what to do. Everybody tries to help, but only you, Johnny Cade, would know what to do. Please, Johnny, come back to me."

The front door slammed shut and the crazy thought passed through my mind that it was Johnny, coming to take me out of my misery and telling me he had feigned his own death. But there were too many footsteps for it to be my Johnny. And it sounded like high heels clanging on the floor, not the black sneakers Johnny used to wear that made only the softest squeaky noise when he walked. The group of people were talking loudly about Johnny's parents being complete assholes (they didn't actually use those words, but they implied it) and I realized I had to get out quickly. I grabbed a pair of Johnny's pants and then another plain white t-shirt, stuffed them into my shopping bag, and then jumped out the window that never closed.

And I began running again, but this time my mind was leading. I was going home to where five people were probably waiting for me. And none of them were who I wanted it to be.

_Johnny._


	16. Insignificant People

-1**Disclaimer: SE Hinton owns all characters besides the ones you just read about when you read this story. Those would be mine.**

**A/N: Thank you to all my fabulous reviewers! I'm sorry I don't answer all of them, but they are still all appreciated. **

**Happy reading!**

**-----**

"Whatcha get me?" Soda asked happily as I came into the house. My eyes were probably still bloodshot from crying the whole way home, but I had tried to clean myself up as best I could before I entered the house.

Two-Bit and Steve were over and trying to see who could chug a can of beer the fastest, though I think everybody knew that Two-Bit would win. Steve just liked the competition and since Soda was busy helping Darry in the kitchen, Steve had to settle on Two-Bit's beer competition instead of the usual poker game between the two buddies since grade school. Ponyboy still hadn't come out of his room and I figured that he had been writing all day. Or else he was just sitting there, staring at a blank page. He does that a lot. Stare into space, I mean. Especially since his week in Windrixsville. I wonder what it was like, living in an abandoned church living off of scarce amounts of food.

"None of your business," I said, moving the bag behind me. It was then that I realized I forgot to get the shoes after the Socs started chasing me. That meant I would have to go back sometime before Christmas Eve. Maybe I could get Two-Bit to come with. Yeah, he would come because he would want to swipe a few things for Christmas presents off the shelves. "I'm gonna go hide these."

"Please?" Soda begged, sticking his head out to the living room. I gave him a smirk and shook my head, saying no before leaving to go back to my room. "Fine. When you're done, get Pony. He's been stuck in our room all day working on that composition. Dinner's gonna be done soon." I hastily agreed because Two-Bit was beginning to inch closer and closer to the bag. I didn't want him to find Johnny's clothes because then Darry would kill me for going over to his house. I had a feeling that Darry didn't want me to go anywhere that reminded me of Johnny, which was why I was allowed to go shopping by myself.

In my room, I quickly hid the presents where I did every year: under my window, behind the bush and I stuck a blanket over them so that they didn't get ruined by the weather. Then I took off Johnny's shirt, though it was still comforting me, before I went to get Pony. I folded the white t-shirt carefully and then tucked it safely under my pillow, where I would be close to it every night when I felt the most lonely. That way Johnny could be with me alone like he used to be all the time. When we used to sit out in the vacant lot together, or walking around the neighborhood as the sky darkened. I missed those times, though that's probably obvious by how much I grieve over him. Maybe Soda, Darry, and Pony were sick of how much I mourned. But that thought was thrown out of my head faster than the girls in the barrel races down at the rodeo. If they were sick of me mourning, they would have done something better than just letting me go shopping by myself.

Shutting my door tight so that if Soda or Two-Bit came in later to search for presents I would know, I went down to Pony's room and softly knocked on the door. He didn't say anything and I couldn't hear anybody inside stirring to get up. Figuring Pony hadn't heard me and knowing he wouldn't hear me if I tried again, I turned the knob and pushed the door open gently.

I avoided Pony and Soda's room a lot because it was so messy. My room wasn't the cleanest it ever was, but Pony and Soda had underwear on the floor scattered in with socks who had long since lost their partners. Besides, I could never leave my underwear or bras on the floor of my room with five other guys always roaming around our house. That would be a total disaster considering only a few months ago I had finally gotten Two-Bit and Dally to stay out of my drawers. Well, it had actually been Darry who had stopped them. Two-Bit and Dally would always carefully sneak into my room when I wasn't home and search through my drawers for my underwear, sometimes leaving little notes behind (it was weird, because I had never actually seen either of them write a word down on paper). Well, one day when I had been at the DX with Soda and Steve, helping out, Darry had come home early from work and caught them in the act. Needless to say, I came home to a very rare scene of Darry yelling at somebody that wasn't me or Pony. It didn't really affect Dally, who stood there acting all cool like he usually did, or Two-Bit, who just laughed it off and made fun of the faces Darry makes when yelling, but they did stop after that.

"Pony, Soda said dinner's ready," I said and then added jokingly, "It should be normal tonight, Darry's helping."

Pony didn't acknowledge me and I looked closer to where he was sitting at his desk. He had a pen in his hand and it was flying over the composition notebook he had in front of him. From what I could see, he already had about fifteen pages filled with writing, which gave me the impression he had been creating the story all day. I took in his profile, hunched over the papers and his eyes were set determined to get his story out. That was one thing I had never understood about my littlest brother Ponyboy. He always needed to express his thoughts in a way other than talking. It was like he couldn't find the right way to say something unless it was put in a painting or a few paragraphs of a story. That's why he was different than all the other Greasers. Pony could be somebody when he grew up. He could do anything he wanted to do because we were going to put him through college, even if it meant not paying the bills for a few months at a time.

"Pony," I said again. "Pony!" He still didn't look up and though I had almost screamed his name, you could tell he wasn't focused on anything but his theme. Feeling impatient, I reach over to the desk and grabbed his writing hand to make him stop. That made his body twitch up a little in his seat and then he tensed, obviously spooked. When he realized it was my hand (it was very obvious what body parts belonged to me, since I was the only girl in the house), Pony relaxed a bit, and then, embarrassed like I might make fun of him for writing so long, he hastily shut his composition book. The wind from the quick snap of the book caused a couple of other miscellaneous papers to fly off the desk.

"What?" he asked softly and anybody who could see him would have been able to tell that his fingers were itching to get the pen back in their hand and continue on the journey through the story. He looked at me though, showing his focus was in fact on me.

"Soda says dinner's done," I repeated thoughtfully. Then I glanced back at the composition as my brother did the same, as if he felt a longing of leaving it. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, but I could place what kind of sorry it was. Was it a pity sorry? Or an anger sorry? Maybe an emotionless sorry that kind of just comes up when there is nothing else to be felt?

I took my eyes away from the paper and then, on the borderline of whispering, said, "Can I read it?" There was the slightest hint of desire in my voice.

"Maybe when I'm done," Pony said quietly and got up from his desk to go out to the kitchen to eat.

"When will that be?" I asked curiously before we reached the place where all the delicious smells were coming out. I could already hear the banging of silverware and the 'plop' of food being dropped on plates, but I could help to ask. Not being totally sure of what Pony was writing about, I only had a tiny inkling of what to be expected, but the idea of Johnny popped into my head, just like it usually did.

"I don't know, okay?" Pony sounded annoyed and I really couldn't blame him. He had been so wrapped up in his writing that he probably would have been annoyed even if it was Soda who came to get him.

"Fine," I said with a sort of back-sass to my voice, but that was just how I usually get when somebody sounds annoyed with me. It's just a habit.

When Pony and I entered the kitchen, Darry asked Pony how far Pony had gotten on his theme and Pony answered with a casual 'I'm almost done' just to get Darry off his back. From the way Pony's hand had been flying across the paper in his bedroom, I knew he was nowhere close to being almost done. In fact, it had barely seemed like he had started, but I didn't say anything. Pony was kind of shy about his obsession with sunsets or writing and drawing. Especially since Johnny had died since his best friend had been the only one he had been able to confide in. Then I realized that Pony missed Johnny just as much as I did. Sure, I loved Johnny, really truly loved him, but he had been Pony's best friend since they had been little.

I wondered what Pony had thought of mine and Johnny's relationship? It could be possible that he really hated the fact his best friend was in love with his sister. Yet, Johnny never let anything come between us. Though his usual time with Pony was cut down some, he still didn't boot my youngest brother out of his life. In fact, the whole reason it had been just Johnny, Pony and Dally going to the movies was that Johnny had sensed Pony had been feeling left out. I agreed to let him go alone as long as he didn't look at any other girls. Johnny had laughed at the thought, but then he and Pony had met Cherry Valance and that Marcia girl and look what happened from there. Maybe if I would have been there…

"Ya wanna sit down and eat?" the voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I found myself still standing beside my chair with Two-Bit staring up at me expectantly. He was already almost done with his meal. "You are eatin' for two, ya know?"

"Well then, why are you takin' all the food?" I laughed as I sat down, ridding my previous thoughts of the shelter they had been hiding in in my mind. Two-Bit grinned and cocked one eyebrow at the plentiful amount of provisions still left on the table. Helping myself to a bit, I ate quietly while two other conversations were being held around the table. One consisting of homework and the other of cute broads Steve and Soda had seen pass by the DX during the week. Then Two-Bit leaned over, away from the blonde conversation, and asked me a question.

"So, when ya gonna have the kid anyway?"

It wasn't in my mind to think that having a birthing conversation with Two-Bit was the best way to spend the Saturday night dinner, but I quickly calculated in my mind. "August I guess."

Matthews leaned back comfortably in his chair and I hoped the conversation had ended. Two-Bit had never given me the impression that he knew what happened _in_ the female body, but what came on the outside when the girl reached about twelve or thirteen years of age. I had never really wanted to talk to him about it either and right now he was giving me the impression that he knew _exactly _the pain I would go through giving birth, like he'd been through it before. Heck, the whole gang knew Two-Bit had gone farther than kissing loads of times, but he had never had a child resulted from it. Two-Bit being a father also wasn't the most comforting thought in the world and in no way did I want my troublesome friend near the hospital room when this baby was coming out of me.

I could picture it though and the thought made me laugh. Two-Bit's stocky figure in a hospital dressing gown, coaching breathing techniques with my forehead all sweaty with a 'mother's glow'. He would be cracking jokes the whole way through, but I would be screaming at him to shut up because it hurt so much. I thought that Soda might think the situation to be funny if I told him about it, but I think, although he was excited, all my brothers needed to get used to the thought of me being pregnant. They would have either a niece or a nephew before the next Christmas rolled around. And I would have a son or daughter. It was weird to think of.

"Who ya takin' in the room with ya?" he asked, and I was stupid for thinking the talking was over. Two-Bit was asking really stupid questions, at least I thought so. "Ya know, I'll do anything for ya, right?"

The thought touched me, that Two-Bit would always be there for me, but my daydream of him and me in a hospital room was going to keep him far away from me when August came about. "I don't know," I said honestly. "I think I'll go it alone."

Going through birth alone would be the best option. Darry was a definite no because he didn't even talk about anything else girls go through regularly and the thought of him being caring and considerate to the doctors after I was in pain was very small. In fact, he could probably force the doctors out of the room because his muscles would scare them off. One time, a few years ago when Mom and Dad were still alive, Darry was walking back from the high school and I was still in the elementary school. These Socs that looked to be about Soda's age at the time came up behind me and started shoving me around and I couldn't get away because they were in a circle around me. Darry, who had been walking by to pick me up, saw what was happening and instantly slugged the Socs without a second thought. He then carried me home while I supported a broken finger (nothing serious, but Darry told me I couldn't walk). I could imagine him trying to carry me out of the hospital room because the doctors were 'trying' to hurt me. Darry has common sense, but when one of his family or friends were being hurt, he kind of lost track of his mind.

I think Ponyboy is still too young to experience the miracle of birth unless it is on a television screen in his classroom. The first time he learned about periods and all that other crap, he would stare at me for a long time until I finally snapped at him. He probably thought that I was going to come out and explain what it was like to get your period. Needless to say, I never talked to my youngest brother about girl problems just like I never chatted with Darry about which size bra I wear.

Steve was a definite no. He didn't understand anything that went on in my life and was annoying as hell when important things happened in our family. Just like the night I told everybody about me being pregnant. How he had filled cigarette smoke around the room just when Darry had come had really pissed me off and if he was in that room with me, he would probably do something just as stupid. Besides, I don't think Evie would appreciate him seeing another woman's private parts. She would probably think that the baby was his. Yeah, me having Steve Randle's kid would be like me being allowed to drink every night while Darry was still alive. It would never happen.

Sodapop would probably be the best option if I really wanted to come into the room with me. He always tried to understand what people were going through, like I said before, but I think birth might come a little bit too hard on Soda. It's not like I didn't trust him, yet I was self-conscious about it. These guys were my best friends - there was no doubt about that - but having them see the bottom half of my body without any clothes on would be embarrassing. I wouldn't even had let Johnny in the room if he was alive. They were all too young to go through that, heck, I was too young to go through this, but if I could help them stay a little more innocent, I would. And I am. They could come in before it happened and after the baby came, but not during. It was too private of a moment.

"Why would you want to go it alone?" Two-Bit asked seriously. Honestly, I don't think I've heard him sound so serious in his life.

Saved by the bell, the phone rang before I could answer the question. Since everybody but Two-Bit was still chowing down on food and I wasn't that hungry, I rushed up from the table, not even thinking about the person that was supposed to call today.

"Hello?" I answered, picking up the receiver. There was a little bit of noise in the background, like a dog barking.

"Cherry? Hey, it's Mike," the male voice answered and his voice sounded cheerful, which made my groan a bit, but Mike didn't seem to notice. "What are ya doin'?"

"We were eating dinner," I answered, probably a little too defensive, but Mike didn't seem to notice.

"Oh, sorry." He didn't mean it, I could tell by the sound of his voice. If there was one thing I was good at, it was telling emotion through voices. Sure, it wasn't a very useful trait, but that's what I got. "Do you wanna go out for dinner tomorrow at the Dingo?"

I searched my mind for an excuse, but the guilty thought kept floating to the top that I had to break it off with him. I hadn't even thought of how I was supposed to word my explanation.

"Uh - Mike, I can't," I mumbled, thinking that would be enough for him to understand.

"Oh," he sounded disappointed for a moment. "How about the next night?" Stupid boys. They can never take a hint even if a woman stands right in front of their face and screams.

"Mike, I don't want to go out with you." Was that too harsh? Uh-oh, it sounded like it. Now I probably made myself out to look like a bitch.

There was a pregnant pause where neither of us spoke and I thought for a second he had hung up on me. That would have been a relief actually. Mike would have hung up and forgotten about me, going out with the next girl he met at the Dingo on her way back from the bathroom…

"Why?" his voice truly did sound heartbroken, but I tried the hardest I could to ignore it. "If this is about Tyler coming with on Friday, he won't be there at dinner, I promise."

"Mike, it's not about Tyler. It's just, Mike, I'm pregnant." Bluntness was also something I was good at when I had nothing else to say. Was I supposed to mention Johnny? He had been the biggest factor in me not going with Mike anymore, but telling Mike I was still going after a dead person seemed a little insane. "It happened about a month and a half ago. Some Socs -"

"So what, Cherry?" Mike sounded irritated and I felt terrible. "Half the girls in this neighborhood are pregnant! Do you think that stops guys going after them? Listen, please, I promise I'll help out."

"No, Mike," I tried to make my voice as forceful as possible. "I'm still not over somebody else…" Still not over? I would never be over Johnny.

"Well you have to get over the slum who dumped you some day!" Mike didn't really yell, but his words hit me with a blow.

"Don't you ever call Johnny slum!" I gritted out through clenched teeth. "You have no idea what he was like and he did not dump me!" My voice grew steadily louder as I defended Johnny Cade, then, without thinking, I slammed the phone down and slumped onto the couch with my chest heaving up and down like I had run a thousand mile marathon.


	17. Jolly Ol' Saint Nicholas

-1**Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.**

**A/N: The longest chapter to date! Okay, sorry it took so long, but I have to get this deadline for another story I'm writing, so the next chapter will be up within a week. Thanks for sticking with me this long. When you review, I'm considering skipping a month or so because it would get too long and tedious to read then. Should I skip that drowsy time period, or do you want me to write it somehow? **

**Anyway, Happy reading!**

**-----**

My eyes fluttered open when the sun cast a stream of light over my face from the window. It was early, earlier than I usually woke up but I hadn't gotten morning sickness at four in the morning like I usually did. The first time I hadn't gotten sick in about two weeks made a lovely Christmas present.

Then I shot up because it was Christmas, my favorite holiday of the year. But something was different, very different and I couldn't place what it was. On past Christmas mornings I had woken up to yelling in the kitchen and the pounding of feet running up and down the hall. That's what was missing. The house was silent and Soda and Ponyboy weren't jumping on top of me with excitement. Why? I looked around my room for just a small sign of why nobody was stirring around in the house. Then I spotted my clock sitting on top of my bedside table. It read five twenty-five in the morning. The sun that was shining into my room was the first ray cast upon Tulsa.

Unsure of what to do, I laid in bed for awhile. Nobody would be up for at least another three hours and even then we couldn't open presents until Two-Bit and Steve wandered over to our house around noon. It had been like that since before Mom and Dad died. Every Christmas, we woke up around nine in the morning (it used to be earlier when we were younger because Santa Claus was part of the deal back then), Mom would make the biggest breakfast ever for our whole family and then we would sit by our tree for another two hours before Steve, Two-Bit, Johnny and Dally came over. According to Mom, they were as much a part of our family as I was, so we always sat impatiently, staring at our presents. Now it was just one of our many Christmas traditions.

I couldn't lay in bed for long because already being awake meant that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep again. So, I slipped out of my covers and my bare feet padded along the floor to the bathroom where I got out a towel and turned on the hot water. I slipped under the sprinkling water after I shed my clothes onto the ground and washed away the scent of Johnny's shirt that was still lingering on me from having my head lay on it last night. I didn't wear the shirt at all because I was afraid it would lose the smell that Johnny had carried with him for sixteen years. If I had the choice of smelling like Johnny or the most elegant perfume for the rest of my life, I would pick Johnny. Tar and fresh air. Tar and fresh air. There was just something about it that riled me up. It wasn't even all about Johnny, though that was more than ninety percent of it. But tar and air were the smells of home. Add in a bit of alcohol and you'd have Tulsa down in a few seconds. I wondered if that was what our city was known for. Like, you know, New York is known for it's lights, Miami is known for the beaches, Philadelphia is known for its history - was Tulsa known for it's bad smells and gang fights? I hoped not. There were so many people in Tulsa who did not deserve that kind of stereotype. Like Ponyboy because he was going to be something one day. We all knew it too.

People like Ponyboy didn't belong in Tulsa and neither will my baby. I may not want the kid, but if I have any type of input in this kid's life, it will be that's he or she is worth something. Not just the usual criminal you find around here, or the drunken cause staggering up the road. No, my kid will make itself out to be something. Maybe she will be the first woman president of the United States, or maybe he will move to one of the quiet country towns and open up a popular business. Whatever my baby does, they will not be anything like their mother…having to live off a waitress' pay at the age of fifteen to support a baby. No, he will not be a Darry who had to become an adult way to soon for anybody's liking. She will not be a Two-Bit who drinks away all her troubles, or even a Steve who gets paid a couple of bucks for being kicked out the day before. This baby would be something, or else you can just kill me now.

When the last of the water ran down the drain, I wrapped a towel around my body and quietly walked back to my room to grab some clothes. I don't go walking around in my towel very often, well, actually, mostly never because of the guys always surrounding my house like flies swarming around a rotten piece of meat. But since it was so early in the morning, nobody was up and my room is attached to the family bathroom, so its not like I had to go out into the hall where I might see somebody sleeping on our couch. I was totally safe just going into my room with a towel wrapped around my body this Christmas morning.

In fact, I even grabbed a red sweater out of the back of my closet that I got from my mom last year. I vowed I would never wear it…it had really looked hideous when I grabbed it out of the box. Now, when I pulled it on over my still damp torso, it actually gave the impression of being pretty on me. It could have been just because Mom's hands were the last ones that touched it as she hung it in my closet. The sweater made me feel good in a way that meant even though Mom and Dad left us alone on this Christmas, everything was going to be okay. Maybe not great - nothing was ever great for a greaser - but everything was okay. We'll get through it if anything happens. That's how we always were. Nothing was going to change now.

I glanced at my clock for a time check and it gave me almost six thirty. I hadn't thought that my shower had really taken that long. Usually it took me fifteen minutes at the most, but almost an hour only happened when I was sick. When I'm sick, I kind of take advantage of it. I laid in bed, whined about how much something bothered me, and then took up the shower until somebody came banging on the door to get out. One time, I had actually fallen back to sleep in the shower, so it had taken even longer than an hour until Mom came in and got me out. That was when I had mononucleosis when I was ten and had fell asleep ten minutes after waking up. It hadn't been very fun.

My feet were cold, so I put on a worn out pair of socks with a hole in the heel of one of them. I snuck a peek out the window for now the sun rays were coming in so much and realized that there was a smooth layer of snow on the ground. I knew the weatherman had called for snow either today or tomorrow, but I didn't think it would come soon enough to have a white Christmas. We haven't had snow on Christmas day since I was six, Pony was five, Soda seven and Darry was eleven. It was disappointing that the year we lost four of our closest loved ones, something spectacular happened that we couldn't share with them. I could just imagine the scene that could have played out if Mom, Dad, Dally and Johnny were still with us. Mom would be singing carols in her tone deaf voice, Dad would probably have picked me up out of bed, kicked off my covers and then thrown me out the front door into the thick pile of fluffy white stuff. Dally would have come in, cursing about getting his only jacket wet, but would have shut up as soon as he took one look at Mom, who he had kind of taken as his own. And Johnny, who would have slept on our couch after our Christmas Eve festivities, could have woken up to either Soda or Pony jumping on top of him. I would have hid in the background, away from him for awhile until we could be alone together.

As I made my way slowly down the hall so that the creaky floorboards wouldn't wake anybody up, I gazed into Pony and Soda's room, where they were both sleeping soundly. Soda's arm was hung lightly over Pony's torso because it was just so damned cold in their room. Nobody knew why, but only in their room was it like an icebox. Darry kept up with the heat every month and still no hot air flowed into their room. If I had to sleep in there, I would have moved out onto the couch the first night it hit below thirty degrees. I'm not one for cold weather, though the occasional snowfall doesn't hurt. Summer was the best, even though the closest anybody ever got to a pool in our town was a puddle in the backyard after it rained.

I went out to the kitchen and got myself a glass of chocolate milk and a cookie Sodapop had made last night. I don't know if I mentioned it before to you, but I'm not much of a cook. The only thing I've gotten close to getting right was a grilled cheese sandwich, but I still ended up burning the one side. Our rule in the house that the first one up had to make breakfast only applied to Darry, Pony and Soda. I was always stuck doing the dishes. Soda made weird food, but at least his was edible, unlike mine that always looked like play dough mushed up on a plate.

There were lots of presents under the tree to everybody, including Steve and Two-Bit. I usually only got good presents from my parents and now that they were gone, I wasn't expecting much because having five other boys shop for you isn't the greatest way to get what you want. I usually only get candy or Mom would pick out clothes for Darry or Soda to give me since no guy would ever in their right mind go shopping for clothes for a girl who they weren't even going with.

Yet, I still had the curiosity to go over and pick up the boxes for me and shake them. There was no way I could recognize the contents within. Some sounded like clothes, but others didn't even make any noise at all. I really wanted to open them then and there and before I could control myself, I was slipping my fingernail under the invisible tape on top of the wrapping paper, trying to get to the inside without wrecking the packaging. Just as I was about to lift up the fold on the side, I heard footsteps coming down the hall.

"What are you doin'?" Soda's voice asked from the darkness of the hall. I hurriedly slapped the paper back in place.

"Nothing." I turned around and stood up, but Soda had already saw what I was doing. He was standing there, in sweatpants, without a shirt on, grinning from ear to ear.

"I thought I was the only one that ever comes out here early to see what I got," Soda teased and sat down on the couch, motioning for me to come next to him, which I did willingly. He slung his arm around my shoulder and I leaned my head against his body. If anybody who didn't know us walked in, they might have thought we were a couple, but we didn't care. Soda and I hadn't actually relaxed together in weeks and it felt good to be so at ease around him.

"Actually, I didn't even look inside," I said. "Why are you out here anyways?"

"I heard ya out here and thought it was Steve," Soda answered, but he was lying. Soda was a heavy sleeper and didn't wake up even if you screamed in his ear.

"No, really? Why are ya up early?"

Soda sighed and then slouched a little bit. "Pony was having a nightmare and was kickin' me. I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't."

"Oh. Ya know what he was dreamin' about?" I asked quietly. Pony had nightmares only every couple of months, but when they came, they were pretty bad. Everybody in the gang knew about them, but none of them but us Curtis' knew just how bad they were. My guess was Pony was feeling a little lonely with Christmas upon us and his dreams came back.

"I dunno," Soda muttered. "He was mumblin' somethin' but I couldn't understand him."

"Ya think it's about that theme he's been writin'?" Pony still hadn't let me read anything he had written, but we all knew he wasn't done because he spent most of his time in his room with his pen in his hand. Hopefully it wasn't getting to him, whatever he was writing about. That was the bad thing about Pony being insightful to just about everything. He got into these moods, like a depression, every once in awhile. Darry had asked Dad about it when they were still alive and Dad said that was just how Pony was. Though back then it hadn't been that bad because Pony didn't have much to worry about besides Socs.

"Probably," Soda agreed to my insight. We sat in silence then, watching the lights glow on the Christmas tree and gazing at the presents that belonged to each of us. There wasn't much to say or do, and I let my head nod onto Soda's shoulder and my eyes fluttered closed, losing all consciousness in my brain.

-----

Whispering was around me, but I kept my eyes closed because I wanted to go back to the dream I a had been having about Johnny. My body was sprawled out completely on the couch because Soda had obviously gotten up sometime between the time I fell asleep and now.

"Pony, wake her up," I heard Darry say. "That way we can eat before Two-Bit and Steve get here." Apparently, I had been sleeping longer than I expected, but I still laid on the couch with my eyes shut tight because I didn't want to get up.

I could hear Pony walk over towards the couch and then he pushed me a little bit, hoping I would wake up, but it wasn't going to be that easy, considering I was already awake and Pony was never good at getting me up in the morning. Usually it was Darry, banging on the headboard above my head or Soda jumping up and down, but Pony was gentler, just nudging my shoulder and calling my name until I got up. Though usually I was up before everybody anyway, so I wasn't woken up too often.

"Come on, Cherry," Pony pleaded. "I'll get Soda in here." That was a new tactic. Usually Pony just kept saying my name that I eventually got so annoyed by it, I would get up.

"Fine," Pony said, laughing a bit, but I didn't know why. I remembered his nightmare from this morning and wondered if he was feeling better. "Soda! Cherrytree won't get up!"

I waited awhile and heard the front door creak open and then slam shut again. The next thing I knew, two arms were underneath my body and I was up from the couch. My eyes instantly sprang open and I attempted to get away by swinging my arms and legs any which way I could. Soda was there, grinning down at me like a maniac and carrying me towards the front door, which Pony held open for him. He was careful with me, considering me being pregnant and all, because usually he would have just swung me over his shoulder. It was cold outside and the wind bit my face as soon as the door closed behind us. The whole town was white and next to Darry's truck, which Soda had been shoveling out, was a big pile of snow.

"Soda! You better not -" my last words were muffled as I was gracefully dropped into the mound. It was cold, to say the least, and I could feel the water soaking through my sweater from Mom. Soda had better hope that it doesn't shrink otherwise he would have to sleep with one eye open.

"Help me up!" I ordered because I had fallen so deep into the soft mound of snow that I was literally stuck. I couldn't even move my legs that's how stuck I was.

"Sorry," Soda said, laughing at the scene. My hair was splayed and stuck to my face from the water and I'm sure my cheeks was turning beet red from the cold. I hadn't been in snow since last January when the last fall of precipitation had come. "I can't."

"So you're just going to leave a pregnant woman in the snow?" I asked, helpless, and thinking I was going to get frostbite any minute. The snow was beginning to seep through to my bare legs and I was shivering. Maybe instead of being red, my face was turning a pale shade of blue. It felt like I was going to freeze to death and I was still unable to move.

"Yeah," Soda said, laughing again, but he seemed to calm down a bit.

"I'll make sure your niece or nephew knows that you tried to freeze them even before they were born," I threatened lightly and Soda stuck out his hand, which I gladly took so he could pull me out. "Ya know I was awake 'fore Pony even tried to get me up."

"Well then, you should have gotten up," Soda said as we made our way back into the house. Darry was already setting our breakfast on the table. Instead of going to change into new clothes like I should have, I just went right into the kitchen to eat. I didn't really want to change anyway because it was the shirt my Mom had gotten for me and though Soda didn't know that, I was kind of mad at him for getting it wet. Not that much though, it's just I felt like I had a duty to Mom to wear it at least once.

"Merry Christmas," Darry said to all three of us as we sat down and we each muttered our response back before we went on to eat our eggs, which, before he had thrown me in the snow, Soda must have dyed red and green. Or maybe Darry was getting festive all of a sudden. So far this week he had complained that the electric bill was going to cost a fortune. Perhaps Soda's constant begging for him to be quiet and get into the mood had paid off.

As soon as we were finished eating, Steve walked through the front door and called to us in the kitchen while we were cleaning up our dishes. Before we could even dry the plates clean, he was in with us - his shoes off - but he had a huge snowball which he promptly stuck down Soda's shirt. It made Soda dance around the room, trying to get all the itsy pieces of ice out of his shirt; he fell into Ponyboy and they were both on the ground while Steve, Darry and I were standing there, howling with laughter. That was one thing I liked best about Christmas time. Nobody cared whether or not we made a mess because there was too good of an atmosphere around the house for it to be broken by one thing.

"Hey, have ya seen Two-Bit?" I asked Steve as he helped pick Soda off the floor, but he purposely left Pony laying down there with a smug expression on his face with dislike for Steve.

"Nah," Steve shook his head. "It looked like he was still with his mom and Jane when I walked by. Couldn't really see in the window though, the curtain was closed."

I nodded, knowing that Two-Bit would be over as soon as he could. Usually, his mother kind of smothered him on holidays because that was the only time she ever got to really see him. I couldn't blame her. She always had to work two jobs and when she was at home, Two-Bit was usually with us, at Buck's drinking, or picking up some blondes down at the rodeos. Jane had her own group of friends to hang out with who were in middle class, so the family was almost never together. Besides, Two-Bit couldn't resist more presents than the ones he already received. He was similar to a little kid in that way.

Steve got a deck of cards out of his back pocket and they looked shiny, which meant that he had probably just gotten them that morning. We sat down at the newly cleaned off kitchen table as he handed out five cards to each of us. I didn't play poker often - the last time was with Two-Bit - but I wasn't terrible at it. Yet, at the end of twenty minutes of playing, I already owed Steve ten dollars, which was a considerably amount considering we were playing with dimes. I couldn't help that I had the worst cards ever and that I was bad at bluffing. It didn't help that I didn't like to fold either.

Nevertheless, I was glad when Two-Bit finally called a very loud, "Merry Christmas!" into the house so I could stop playing. I was just about to go down for another five bucks.

Dropping my cards onto the table, I ran out into the living room and sat on the floor so that we could begin to open the presents that had been sitting so lonely under the tree since last night. The rest of the guys followed me out, just as enthusiastically by jumping onto the couch and waiting with anticipation to start the process of opening one present at a time. At this point, I was glad that none of the guys just dropped the traditions we had just because Mom and Dad were gone. It sort of proved that they thought of Mom and Dad as just another set of parents who cared even more than their own family did.

"Darry, here," I said, picking up the present closest to me that was labeled with my eldest brother's name on it. He took it from his place on the armchair and began unwrapping. We stared at him expectedly, but the wrapping paper was off within about five seconds, so we didn't have to wait to see the brand new work belt Soda had gotten him.

"Thanks, Soda," Darry said. "I needed one of these." Soda muttered a your welcome and then we continued on with the presents.

We got only five presents each because that was just how many people were there. It didn't matter though because none of us had any more money than that to get more for everybody. By the time only one present was left under the tree, I had gotten a variety of things. There was a new pair of sneakers from Darry, which was good because mine had been getting very worn out from walking everywhere. Steve had given me a second-hand poker set. As I was opening it, he told me that I should actually learn how to play before trying to challenge anyone otherwise I wouldn't have any money. Pony picked out a small silver charm bracelet that had two charms on it. One was a baby rattle, which I guess he thought was a cute way of saying I was going to have a kid and the other was a baseball glove, since he knew I liked to play. The next present was a t-shirt Two-Bit gave me that his mom had probably picked out. The shirt had a graphic of Minnie Mouse on it and it was actually really cute. It was bigger too, so it would still fit for awhile. Lastly, I opened the present Soda gave me, which was the brand new Elvis record that I had mentioned sounded good a week ago.

"Who's the last one for?" I asked, trying to find a tag on it somewhere, but couldn't. It was large, maybe four feet wide and three in length, but the whole package was kind of thin. In fact, it had taken more than two widths of wrapping paper to get it across the whole present. I hadn't noticed it before because it had been meticulously placed under all the rest of the presents, making it look like it hadn't been there at all.

"You," Soda said. "It's from all five of us." I looked up at him and the rest, confused, because I was barely expecting the half decent presents I had gotten and an extra one just for me was strange. Especially since it was so big.

Two-Bit looked at me staring at it, but got too impatient and told me to open it before it does a trick. I carefully unfolded the many pieces of paper wrapped around it, until a big cardboard box was revealed. The picture on the box was of a really pretty crib. It was painted white with a gate on the one side that slid up and down. It looked very expensive.

I looked up at everybody and they were all staring at me with expectant eyes. "Thanks," I expressed. "But I was gonna use our old crib to save money. Ya guys didn't have to buy me a new one."

"We know ya were gonna use that ol' one," Pony explained. "We even got it out of the attic to fix it up for ya, but when Darry was fixin' all the metal parts, it kind of just fell apart."

I looked down at the amazing crib once again and felt like crying, but I didn't because that wouldn't have made me look tuff. Instead, I got up and hugged each and every one of my friends for buying me something so extravagant that I wouldn't have in a million years thought of buying otherwise. It was when I sat back down that I realized that even if we didn't have a lot of money, my baby was going to be spoiled.

-----

It was later that night and everybody was still sitting in the living room celebrating with alcoholic drinks. I couldn't join in on any of if because of my pregnancy and Pony would have been killed by Darry if he drank anything, so when Pony went down to his room, I got up too. Instead of following him exactly, I made a side trip to my room to grab something I wanted to give to my youngest brother in private.

I walked into his room to find him back at his desk, writing away. He didn't seem as focused as had been the other day when I stopped him, but he was still pretty indulged in the paper, like it was only the shallow part of the swimming pool and he craved to go into the deep end just so he could dive straight in.

"Pony," I got his attention on the first try instead of the tenth like last time. I pulled one of Johnny's plain white t-shirts out from behind my back. "Here." I handed it over.

"What's this?" he asked, examining the cloth running through his fingers. I noticed there was a small stain on the collar, but it only looked like dirt, nothing caused from me. It must have been there for more than a month.

"It was Johnny's," I said carefully, looking for a reaction in his face. Pony's eyes got a little wider and I noticed he handled the cloth a bit more carefully than he had before when he hadn't known what it was.

We were both silent, our eyes both on Johnny's shirt, as if it was a talisman that held deep and magical powers. It was a silence as transfixing as the one from the other day with the painting I had drawn. That painting was safe in my pocket right now. I felt like if I didn't have it with me, something just wasn't right, so now, wherever I went, that picture was always in my right hand pocket.

"How'd you get it?" Pony asked quietly, still examining the shirt as if it was pure gold. His eyes weren't flickering back to his composition book like they usually did when I was talking to him in his and Soda's room, but they stayed on the white as if it would suddenly disappear and he wouldn't ever have anything of Johnny's.

"I was at his house the other day," I answered and Pony's eyes flicked quickly up at me with a shade of worry in them. "I was bein' chased by the Socs. I just kinda ended up there."

Pony didn't comment on my quick trip to Johnny's house and I was relieved because I took that as I sign that he wouldn't tell Darry. Then, without taking his eyes off the shirt, Ponyboy's hand went back to his composition book and picked it up. He handed it to me shyly, as if still trying to make a decision. When my hand grasped the book, I was sort of amazed that he had given it to me. For a week now, I had been bugging him to read it because I was too curious to wait.

"It's done," Pony said. "You can read it now."

Without even thinking about it, I opened to the first page and having never been this excited to read a book or essay, I didn't really register the first few words, but eventually, I laid down on their bed with the book glued to my eyes. Pony was transfixed by the piece of Johnny I had given him, but I was mesmerized by the time period of Johnny I had never known.


	18. Details in the Past

-1**Disclaimer: All to SE.**

**A/N: This chapter is short, but I really just wanted to write about her reaction to Pony's essay. The next chapter will skip a month or two…not sure yet how long. Thanks for all the reviews!!!!**

**Happy reading!**

**-----**

I settled into my bed with Pony's composition book in my hands. I hadn't gotten very far in it, only the first chapter was read, but my name was already in the first page of the book. Though I wasn't explained until later, right after Johnny had been described. It felt weird reading what Pony had written about me, considering I never really thought of others - especially my brothers - thinking of me any other way than 'That Curtis girl'. But Pony really took depth within my persona, depth that I haven't even thought of before. It really brought me down to think about what others thought of me. Here's what Pony wrote about me:

_Cherrytree is that best thing that ever happened to Johnny. They are almost always together, but I think Cherry's personality sometimes gets in the way. She's a bit stubborn most of the time, especially when she has some sort of secret that she's hiding. Usually Soda gets it out of her, though, because - well - Soda's Soda and nothing can change that. I suppose it's hard living with all us guys, but Cherry never complains. She can take on just about any Soc, even beat up Dally once. I was real surprised he didn't punch her after that, considering Dally doesn't take anything from anybody. Though I suppose she's as much as a sister to the rest of the gang as she is to Darry, me and Soda._

_Cherry has blonde hair that sometimes looks so dark that it might be brown. Her face is finely drawn, like God put extra time to make her have Mom and Dad's best features, and her eyes are a very dark brown. Her eyes can tell anybody what she's feeling in a matter of seconds. They always have some sort of emotion in them, even if the rest of her body tells a different story. She's real pretty and could probably get any guy she wants, but will never leave Johnny. Cherry's not like Dally's girl Sylvia, who would sleep with any guy she met. No, Cherry loves Johnny, though I'm not sure she knows it yet._

I reread that passage about ten times already, just because I didn't know people took even that much of a look at me. Though I suppose if it was anybody, Pony would be the one to notice all those things. I liked reading about the time with Johnny I had and remembered the exact moment that Pony was writing about. He had been jumped the day before Johnny killed that Soc and everybody had been there to make the Socs go away. Johnny and I had been together, in truth, we had been in a back alley, doing something you wouldn't expect Johnny to do, compared with Pony's description of him. When we heard the commotion, I let Johnny go first and then followed him, though I took a different route so that nobody got suspicious of what we had been doing. When Dally had asked Pony and Johnny to go to the movies, Johnny had instantly invited me to go along, but I declined, knowing that my boyfriend hadn't had much time with just the gang because of me. If I had just went, he wouldn't have gotten into all that trouble.

As I flipped through the pages, reading every word carefully, making sure I understood exactly what had happened, what time of day it was, or even the detail of what type of clothes everybody was wearing, just incase I couldn't remember. I read about Pony and Johnny going to that church and wondered if Pony knew about what went on at our house. The police had been here everyday, wanting to know if we had heard any word of the "murderers", Soda and I sat up every night until three in the morning, crying our eyes out. Did Pony know what it had been like when Soda found out Sandy had left? Did he know that she hadn't even had the nerve to talk to him beforehand, instead having her parents tell him the news when he went over there? Maybe, since he shared his story first with me, I could share mine with him.

I'll never forget the way I felt when my brother and boyfriend had gone missing. I was crushed, heartbroken even. I refused to talk to the police, refused to accept that my sweet, gentle Johnny had ever killed a seventeen year old boy. I went to sleep at night, thinking everything was just a dream, but wake up in the morning with nothing going the right way. School had been horrible. I had never been a real popular girl, but I did get along with almost all the Greasers and middle class kids. I remember walking in the doors and suddenly everything changed. I was given dirty looks by the Socs and some middle class people I had considered as friends. Though the Greasers always stuck by me, I was still cornered in the bathroom, pushed to the back of the line to get a sip of water and I began waiting until the last person left the classroom before leaving.

One day, Two-Bit hadn't gone to school and Steve hadn't either. I wouldn't even have gone if Darry wouldn't have made me. But I had to walk home by myself. I was trailed the whole way, and knowing that if I ran, they would chase me, I tried to remain calm. About halfway to my house, I was cornered by the four guys in the Mustang. I had tried running after they had stopped there car to get out, but it was no use. I could beat up one Soc, but four was too much. I was on the ground soon enough and then they pulled the blade out. Though I was screaming inside, I remained silent on the outside, knowing that if I talked, I might be dead in the matter of seconds. Luckily, Two-Bit had come strolling by at that moment and was able to get them off of me before anything serious happened. After that, I had somebody get me everyday after school, because Darry still wouldn't let me skip. He had been so stressed out that week, constantly telling me to do all his work. I think that we were all under pressure that week. Nobody knew what to say or do. We were just like walking zombies, doing our jobs, but not exactly registering everything in our minds.

I read more, not thinking about it, but everything still unfolded itself perfectly in my imagination. I could picture just about everything Pony explained. I never realized my brother took that much notice to things before. I guess that was just because I never paid any attention myself. Sure, I got through the day, but at the end, I could remember every detail of conversation I had had with one person. The only time I had ever done that was with Johnny. If I was asked at night, I could have recited just about every word that he had said to me, but I never did. Some of our conversations were very personal and I had never even talked to Soda about some of the stuff we talked about. Johnny and I could talk about anything like we were comparing recipes for a grilled cheese sandwich. It had always amazed me of what I talked about in front of him. In fact, I think I told him once that I had cramps that day. He didn't even blink an eye.

Occasionally, I would flick to the two paragraphs about me. It sort of amazed me that Pony thought I had both Mom and Dad's best features. The way he explained it was amazing and I couldn't have asked for something better. If I die any day soon, I want Pony to speak at my funeral. He'd get everything down in a few lines, so everybody would know what I was like. Sure, they wouldn't know my favorite candy bar was Hershey's or that my color of choice was blue, but they would understand the way I interacted with others. That was really all that counts in the world nowadays. I suppose back in the olden days, your friends and family knew you like the back of their own hand, but all that matters today is how you present yourself to others, which is why most greasers don't make it. Nobody cared anymore what kind of movies you liked to watch. All everybody wanted to know was who you were going with, why you dress the way you do, and if you had the money to do stuff. It was disgusting in my opinion.

There was a soft knock on my door and before I could even say to come in, it opened. "Two-Bit wants to know why your still in here," Soda said with a grin.

"Well, I can't exactly take a swig of beer, can I?" I said pointedly poking a finger at my stomach. Soda got the point and sat down on the bed next to me.

"What are ya readin'?" he asked, glancing at the composition book. "Hey, ain't that Pony's?"

"Yeah," I answered. Then I closed the book and stuffed it under my blanket. "And he only wanted me to read it, so bug off."

Soda put his hands up innocently. "Hey, I wasn't doin' nothin'."

I laughed, because I knew he would have asked to read it if I had let him had the chance. He laughed too and I lightly tossed the essay onto my desk, where it would stay, without Soda getting his hands on it. Pony had trusted me with it first, and I planned on keeping it that way. Pony had a hard time trusting a lot of people because of what had happened in the past. I wasn't going to ruin that.

"Thanks for the crib," I muttered sincerely. "Ya didn't have to."

"Do ya really think we would just leave you buyin' everything yourself?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow. Soda looked worn out from everything that had gone on that day, but I couldn't blame him. I was exhausted too and I couldn't believe Two-Bit was still going. I heard him yelling something at Steve from in the living room.

"I would have," I answered and looked up at him. "Why aren't you out there with them?"

He shrugged, but got off my bed and headed towards the door. For a second, I thought that he was going to ask me to come out with him, but instead he just turned for a second before closing my door again.

"Merry Christmas, Cherry," he said quietly.

"Merry Christmas, Soda," I wished him and then the door was closed and just like that, I had the composition book back in my hands, ready to read the rest of what I hadn't known.


	19. Yellow Pastel Paint

-1**Disclaimer: S.E Hinton and I talked once…no we didn't, that's why I couldn't negotiate for any of the Outsiders characters.**

**A/N: New Chapter! It is February first and Cherry is 13 weeks pregnant. The only things we missed were her growing a little bit and Darry's birthday, but that's really not important anyway. Okay, since I know a lot of you don't read these notes anyway, I'm just going to stop now.**

**Happy reading!**

**-----**

I stood in front of my mirror, bottom dressed in a pair of old sweatpants, but my top had only a bra on. In my hands were one t-shirt I had worn only a week ago and the other was an old freshman football jersey of Darry's. Even back then he had been a lot bigger than I was now. I felt like if I chose the wrong shirt, my life would end. I blamed it on the hormones charging through my body and because of the small, but definitely noticeable, bump on my lower abdomen. It was horrible and stuck out like an apple in a bunch of grapes. Not to mention, there was a dark, thin line going from my belly button to below my waistline. Also, this patch of darkness under my chin had popped up a week ago and it was really annoying, though nobody could really see it.

The last time I had felt this bad was when I had first gotten my period. I had felt bloated and disgusting. The acne on my face made me want to put gallons of make-up on to cover it up. And then there was the sort of separation from the gang that I had felt. I'll never forget that week, but I'm pretty sure nobody else knew what was happening to me besides Mom and Dad. The cramps kept me from playing any sport with the gang because I hadn't even been able to stand up properly without it hurting. They probably would have noticed my feeble attempts to walk if they hadn't been playing tackle football (the only kind I wasn't allowed to play in). Now I felt more separation from the gang than I had ever felt before.

It wasn't like they would ever know what I was going through. Soda may try, but he would not understand that I felt faint if I skipped a meal, or that I couldn't eat big at one time. I was getting these dark patches all over my body and the doctor only said it was normal. He never said when it would go away or even if it would. Nobody around our house understood that getting up ten times a night to pee meant I was always worn out during the day. Yet, I still had to go to work, walk around on feet that quickly grew sore and tired all day. It was horrible and I wished I could just pull the baby out of me now, instead of having to live through all this.

I looked at my choices again, feeling defeated and hopeless. If I put my regular shirt on, everybody would notice the bump, but if I put on Darry's shirt, everybody would think I just wanted to cover it up because I was insecure. Sure, I was insecure, but I didn't want others to know about it. Me and insecure don't go well together. Well, any girl and insecure don't go well together when you live with five other boys…if you ever show that your not completely comfortable, you'll get picked on until your way out of your zone. Especially by Two-Bit and Steve. Usually, Soda and Pony don't start and Darry never did, but it's still not that fun. The plus side that if anybody outside of our group push me over the edge, the others are always there to help.

Closing my eyes, I threw the two shirts up into the air, letting them fall at my feet. Still with my eyelids shut tight, I bent down and picked one up. It was the shirt Two-Bit had given me for Christmas, the one that would definitely show a little something on my stomach. But the choices had been easily matched with hatred by me, so I pulled it over my head and slipped it carefully over my stomach. I looked in the mirror at my figure. From the front, it just looked like the shirt was just pulled out a little bit, but on the side, you could see what looked like a small watermelon forming. Not only that, but I felt nauseated, though that wasn't from my figure taunting me.

Since about mid-January, my stomach felt queasy every once in awhile, like I wanted to puke, but I never did. It got very annoying and was in the way of the many normal things I now felt like I had a hard time doing. Like walking for one. I could barely stand for more than fifteen minutes at a time and knew it would only get worse as the pregnancy continued. So far, being pregnant sucked. I couldn't understand why woman actually wanted to go through this when they could just adopt and let others go through it for them.

"Cherry, I'm coming in," Two-Bit said from the other side of the door and then it burst open. I ignored him and went to make my bed, which hadn't actually been cleaned off since Christmas-time, so there were all kind of things on it. It included the wrappers of midnight snacks I had snuck without Darry knowing and all kinds of papers I had drawn on. After Johnny's paper (which is still always safely in my pocket) I realized I had a real interest in drawing, so I grabbed a couple colored pencils and a pad of paper whenever I had free time. None of my stuff was really that good, like I couldn't draw any real life creatures, but it was still fun and took my mind off things.

"What if I was changing?" I asked, putting some crayons back in their place of my drawer. Two-Bit was examining some of the pictures I had hanging on the wall. They were old and were stuck up with tape because we couldn't get any real frames, but they were still nice pictures. Some were from when I first started kindergarten, and others included all of the gang when we were still unaware of Socs and those kind of problems. We even had a couple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in our hands that Mom had made for lunch. I even think in one of those pictures, Steve had both his front teeth missing. He _had _been so cute when he was younger.

"You weren't," Two-Bit replied with the obvious answer.

"I was about two seconds before you barged in." I made the finishing touches on my bed.

"What do ya want to do today?" he asked, looking away from the pictures because he had seen them a million times before. There wasn't a need anymore to remark on how cute we were back then, or for Two-Bit's comments on 'What the hell happened to us?'.

"I dunno," I answered. "I really don't wanna go anywhere. You can go to the movies with Pony or somethin' though." Soda and Steve had already left to work a Saturday shift at the DX and of course, Darry was still working like he did almost every Saturday. Today, it was only me, Pony and Two-Bit wreaking havoc on the world.

"Aw, come on, Cherry, why not?" Two-Bit asked, pleading a bit.

"'Cause I don't want Darry to have to clean up when he gets home," I lied easily back. I really didn't want to go anywhere because of the fact that people _would_ stare at a pregnant fifteen year old. Like I said before, I do get self-conscious when I'm not in the best of shape. Sure, it's not the best way to be, but that's how I am.

"So, he's finally starting to show, huh?" Two-Bit asked, laughing a bit under his breath. I turned around, not knowing how he could have figured out what my problem was. "Ya know, it's not that bad. And besides, if anybody talks to ya, I will personally dig them a hole and then bury them alive."

"Two-Bit, I'd really rather stay home," I tried to barter. Besides, I was thinking of cleaning out Soda's old room. Since he always was with Pony now, that room was empty and Mom and Dad's room could be left alone. "You two can go out. I really wanna clean out for the baby, ya dig?"

"How 'bout we go shoppin' for the baby instead?" he asked, slamming down onto the bed beside me. You could tell he really didn't want to stay in the house all day, but I was still saving money to buy the more expensive baby stuff. I didn't really want to get the cheap stuff now that I had that extravagant crib, which was sitting, still in the box, in the corner of my room. Anything next to that crib that came from a thrift-shop would look like it would fall over if just touched.

"Please, Two-Bit," I pleaded, giving him a puppy pout. "Help me this morning 'cause I can't move stuff around much anyway. I promise after that, we can go to lunch at the Dingo or somethin' you want to do."

"Fine," Two-Bit agreed and kicked my bed with his heel before getting up and leaving the room, probably in search of Pony. That way things would go faster. Hey, now at least I had the whole morning to get used to myself. That sounds kind of weird. Getting used to myself? I lived with me for fifteen years…you would expect me to be used to myself by now, right? Wrong. I don't think any teenage pregnant girl is "used to themselves".

I finished straightening up my room and then went out to the kitchen, where Pony was trying to read a new book he had gotten, but Two-Bit was sitting impatiently, throwing little wads of paper at his head. There was a can of beer next to him and I figured that just to get through this morning, he would need to drink at least one. Lately, though, I hadn't seen him drink so much and I didn't know why. I liked to think he was getting permanently sober for the baby, but I wasn't too sure. You can never be too sure of what Two-Bit does because on more than one occasion, you will be totally wrong. I liked having him as a buddy because of what Pony would call - the element of surprise.

I got out a small piece of chocolate cake and a glass of chocolate milk because, to tell the truth, I was starting to get those strange cravings. Though chocolate's not so strange for our family, last night at around three in the morning when I had gotten up to use the bathroom, I figured I was in the mood for a whole bag of original potato chips. I always thought that those cravings would come later, but apparently I was a whole different cause. I didn't know how long I would be able to work on the room, but I did plan on painting it today because Soda had gone out and bought two cheap cans of pastel yellow, but it still looked nice. Especially since it could be applied to either a girl or a boy. So far, everybody liked to comment on how they would teach my "boy" how to play football and baseball, but, in truth, I really wanted a girl.

Just the thought of having a girl excited me. I could teach her what girls are supposed to learn, but she would still be a tomboy, because living around all these guys, it was hard not to be. A girl would just mean more fun for me. If I had a boy, I'm pretty sure that the gang would overtake my mothering job and raise him themselves. Not that they wouldn't be around for a girl, but then I would have something more to do. I could teach her how to put make-up on without making it look trampy and she could trust me with anything. It would be nice and I needed to come up with the perfect name for my girl.

Not that I was dead set against having a boy. I just wanted to be able to teach him something more than just playing baseball. If it was male, then I would put the job onto Soda or Pony to teach him about puberty. At least they could tell him the details better than I could. But I still had about twelve years before any of that happened, so for now, I'm going to have to deal with this pregnancy thing.

"We're gonna paint," I said to both of them. At least painting was something more fun than putting up furniture. In fact, painting would probably be more fun than anything that was about to come our way.

After I finished my cake and milk, I lead the way into the room Soda used to live in and opened the can of paint on the floor. Pony had gone to find two more brushes in the shed, so I took the first one and started on the wall. The big big white wall that would take forever with just this little brush. Great. I had gotten myself into being stuck in a room with four bare white walls and a paintbrush the size of my hand to decorate them with. And that was until everything was done too, because I knew enough that if you let paint dry and then came back to finish later, it would look like there were two different shades on the wall.

"Found some," Pony said, coming back into the room and tossing Two-Bit a brush. They each went to a separate wall and began their jobs, occasionally coming back to the one open can of paint to restock their brush. It was boring work, especially when the only sound was their brushes hitting and scrapping against the wall. The occasional sigh of bored-ness was thrown in once in awhile. Paint…Painting…Painted…

Eventually, I got way too uninterested in the method of flicking my wrist up and down until it got sore, so I found a new way of doing everything. I dipped the brush for a new coat of paint and then drew a flower on the wall. Next came a stick person and then a rainbow, though that didn't work out very well because we did only have one color. Soon, my wall wasn't painted one even coat; there was birds, clouds, a pencil, a book, a baseball and anything else you can think of that's easy to draw.

"Cherry, it looks like you were just doodling in class for an hour," Pony said, glancing over at my wall. I looked at his, and half of it was painted the yellow color, but the other side was still blank. Oh well, my kid won't have the best looking room in town because his or her mother couldn't keep occupied long enough to paint it right. What a shame. At least my bump wasn't bothering me anymore.

"Can I add somethin'?" Two-Bit asked playfully from the other side of the room. I noticed his brush was lying in the paint can and only a small bit of his wall was painted. He had to have stopped painting over half an hour ago to just get that little done. Hey, at least I had continued painting, even if it wasn't in the best way.

I nodded, not really paying attention until Two-Bit picked up his brush from the other side of the room and brought it back like he was going to throw a baseball. He brought it down hard, stopping quickly so that the paint flew off the brush, heading at the bit of wall I was standing right in front of. With a slight squeak out of my mouth, the streak of paint flew right into my face and it felt cold. Really, really cold since there was no heat to begin with in this room, the paint had sat by itself, slowly freezing while we were painting.

I looked over at Two-Bit, a little bit of anger steaming off of me. He was laughing loudly and his mouth was wide open. Even Ponyboy couldn't help but grinning as I stood there with not only paint on my face, but up and down my whole body. I didn't really mind getting it on the clothes. Two-Bit had got the shirt for me anyway, so it didn't really matter. I could just ask for another one for my birthday in eight days. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, my birthday was on February ninth. Sorry about that.

Without really thinking, I got my brush coated in paint and then threw the whole thing at Two-Bit, brush and all. It hit his forehead and the pain began to trickle down his face. Yellow really wasn't his color.

I couldn't move fast enough to get to the paint can before the guys, but the next thing I knew, paint was being tossed every which way. Not even by our brushes, we just stuck our hands into the thick liquid and threw it at whoever was closest. Now the walls were being splattered painted like the famous paintings in the museums. It was like a blur of yellow and white as the paint flew around the room, sometimes hitting the wall, other times, hitting us, either square in the face or on our clothes, but we didn't care. None of us had goofed off this much in a long time, since before Windrixsville, before Johnny and Dallas. Before Mom and Dad died. It was the best thing in the world to be moving around like the pregnant lady I was, throwing paint at just about anything that was near me, laughing the whole time.

Soon, though, the one paint can was empty and we couldn't scratch any more dribbles off the bottom, so Pony and I turned to open the other can. The only problem was that Two-Bit was already waiting with it open and had it brought back in preparation to attack. We stood there, unsure of what to do, but Two-Bit answered our hesitation by swinging back the can and tossing all of its remnants at us. We ducked and only the bottom half hit our heads. The other went straight at the wall and hit with a SPLAT! It truly looked like it had been drawn there.

With no more paint left, we slowly sank down to the ground, only to find that it was already splattered with yellow and when we looked up, the stripes stared down at us from the ceiling. We hadn't just painted the wall, we painted the whole room, including everything in it. The small bedside table sitting against the wall that Pony, Two-Bit and me weren't at? Painted. The window? Painted. The curtains? Painted. The light? Painted.

Man, was Darry gonna kill us.


	20. Old Family Heirloom

-1**Disclaimer: Miss Susie owns all characters in this chapter and all the others except for:**

**Cherrytree**

**Mike**

**Tyler**

**Sarah**

**And the people who work at the diner that I made up**

**A/N: So, updated…I would really like some constructive criticism…just think…if you say something that you think could be better, you could live with the happy feeling you helped a person become better. **

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All three of us looked around at the mess we had made and realized we made a horrendous mistake. I wonder whether Darry would yell at Two-Bit more than me if I told him he had started it? There was one thing for sure though, Pony and I won't be allowed out of the house until the baby's ten. There was no possible way we could cover up any of the paint on the ceiling or floor. Perhaps it would come off the windows and light, but the blue carpet was unbelievably stained.

"What are we gonna do?" I asked fearfully because I really didn't want Darry to come in this afternoon and have to start yelling. My stomach was starting to feel nauseas again and I really needed something to eat if I didn't want to pass out soon. But at least if I fainted, Darry wouldn't be able to yell at me. That was definitely a plus.

"I'll go get the window cleaner," Pony said, getting up to go out to the cleaning cabinet. "Maybe that stuff will come off."

I could hear Pony digging around in the kitchen from the baby's room and thought that I could go out, get an apple or something so I could think straight. I didn't have time though because Two-Bit had already gotten up from the floor and left the room without saying a word. I'm pretty sure he wasn't going to leave because greasers don't leave other greasers in trouble, but the male Matthews really was intimidated by Darry when my oldest brother got mad. We all were. Even Dally had been a little bit if Darry flipped and flexed his huge muscles. And after he saw this, I'm sure Darry would crack all of our heads together, pick us up off the floor and then do it again. We hadn't done anything this stupid in a while. The last time probably being when Pony and I wanted to see how much Pepsi we had in the fridge.

Pony was ten and I was eleven and you know how daft you can be when your that age right? Well, since Pony and I both loved Pepsi, we took all the bottles out of the fridge, got a bucket out of the shed and then emptied all of them into the bucket. Then, we tried to fill up the bottles again so we wouldn't get in trouble. Needless to say, there's still a stain across our kitchen floor.

"Two-Bit, where are ya goin'?" I asked, getting up, steadying my feet because I had swayed slightly and then followed him as fast as I could. My head hurt badly and by the time I reached him, he was already rummaging through our shed.

We don't go in the shed much basically because everything in there was Dad's. There's a push-mower and a bunch of tools lining the wall. The floor is filled with grass and the whole place smells like wood, which just began to give me a bigger headache than I already had. A lot of the tools were old and rusted because they were so old, Dad might have even had them before I was born. My old bike with training wheels on it was in here. Every single one of us Curtis' had ridden that bike because we could never afford to buy a new one. But Dad made sure it was always in perfect working condition. That was one thing I loved about Dad. We couldn't always afford the best, but he made it feel like we had the best.

"I saw an old rug in here 'fore," Two-Bit answered my question a little late. He was bent over in a pile of junk that Mom just wouldn't let Dad throw out when they were still alive. Then he stood up straight and in his arms was a rolled up rug.

Before he even turned around, I knew what it looked like. It had been a part of my family for as long as I could remember and was hand-made by real Indians. The women who had actually sewn it together were my great-great grandmothers. I'm not sure which Indian tribe they had been apart of, but it was probably the same of Two-Bit and even Steve. Johnny maybe even. Perhaps there had been a whole pack of Indian greasers like us a long time ago.

All I knew is that it was the most beautiful rug I had ever seen. The only reason it was out here was because it hadn't matched anything in our house. The border was all black and from the middle on out, radiant colors of red, white, brown and blue adorned the cloth. Every stitch had been made so tightly that it was sure to never burst apart for any reason at all. Even if a tornado came right through Tulsa and tried to rip it apart. My ancestors were just like us now…working hard to make everything perfect, even if it couldn't be achieved. The perfect example that things in our family couldn't always be right was the stain set in the middle of the rug. Nobody in our current family knew what the stain was, but it was dark and purple-ish, as if somebody had tried to re-color the fabric. I liked it though because it made it seem more complete.

"Uh, Two-Bit, I don't think we should use that," I said unsurely, watching uselessly as he walked past, holding the rug. It would at least be able to cover the large stain the center of the room, but I still didn't know whether or not we should use it. The last time that rug had been touched, Dad had been putting it in storage, maybe thinking of years from that time, giving it proudly to Darry to display in his own house. What he didn't know was that he would never touch it again.

"Why not?" he asked, still walking ahead like he was on a mission. Hell, we were on a mission just to stay safe from Darry. We were like safari kings that lured in a tiger and were now running from it.

"It belonged to our great-great grandmothers," I explained, trailing along behind him. My knees were beginning to feel like jell-o and they couldn't go as fast as they usually did.

"Nothing like a family relative to help ya out o' a sticky situation, huh?" Two-Bit countered and continued on inside with the rug. I couldn't argue, though using the rug did seem a bit wrong. I just followed Two-Bit's lead with whatever he did. After he carefully set down the carpet, I smoothed it out over the large bout of paint on the ground. Pony was desperately trying to scrape the mess of paint off the windows and lights with his face all scrunched up in concentration. While I watched, Two-Bit left the room again and came back in with the box that held my elegant crib.

I went over to him and held up the edges as he attempted to screw in the screws without any type of help. It was kind of funny watching him curse up a storm and shaking his fingers because they hurt so much from putting them in place. I was about to mention that there was a screwdriver out in the shed, but thought that it was probably rusted and would break at the slightest touch, so I kept my mouth shut as my brother and Two-Bit tried to make the room look presentable. The walls actually didn't look bad, considering that the paint was dotted, streaked and rolled across them. It sort of looked like Soda had made scrambled eggs, only the wall didn't smell bad and it looked kind of pretty.

"Thanks, Two-Bit," I said as he got up off the floor, finishing the crib. It was just as pretty as the picture on the box, except I needed to get some blankets and borders to put in it.

"Hey, Darry's gonna kill us all anyway," Two-Bit said, shrugging his shoulders. "At least we could try to cover it up."

I looked around for any type of clock in the room and found Ponyboy's watch to work just fine. It was already nearing three o'clock in the afternoon. It dawned on me that I really just should have left with Two-Bit this morning to go do something fun. We could be out laughing at The Dingo, or at the movies, throwing popcorn at the couple making-out in front of us. Or maybe Two-Bit would use my baby disabilities to distract a store clerk while he lifted something off of a shelf. Who knew what we could have been doing. What mattered was what we had been doing and now would pay the consequences to Darry's big, giant, muscle enhanced arms.

I know I say he would hit us all the time, but in truth, he probably wouldn't. The last time he hit somebody, Pony had been gone for a week and I hadn't forgiven him for the awhile after Johnny died because I insisted it was his fault, though I know now that it was probably mine. I hate having that over me all the time. Especially when I peek in Pony's room and see him gently touching the shirt I had given him Christmas day. It was my fault he didn't have a best friend to confide everything in anymore. To think that I was the reason one of my brother's were miserable. I hate that and everyday I think of it when I see Pony's empty eyes staring back at me. He's been getting a bit better because at least he talked a bit more than he used to, but everybody can still tell he's lost in a crowd of strangers every time somebody new comes up to him. If only he could get a girlfriend. Maybe that would help him.

"What should we do now?" I asked my friend. "I think he's gettin' home in 'bout an hour."

These black marks began to dot my eyes and my head felt light. It was almost as if I was losing control of my body. Like I was being tugged out upwards. I could still think straight, but my vision was leaving me. And just like that, I blanked out, feeling my knees buckle and the faint, "Oh, shit," coming from Two-Bit. I tried to tell him not to worry, that I was just hungry, but I couldn't make the words form. The ground quickly came into better focus.

"What's wrong with her?" was all I heard. My eyes didn't open, but I didn't really want them to. I was comfortable. I wasn't in the hospital because there were no unfamiliar voices around me, not to mention the sterile smell wasn't present. My head felt dizzy and my legs felt a little bit disconnected from my body, but I was alright. I was comfortable, which meant that somebody had moved me from the floor after I fell. I think I was in my bed because I could feel my blankets, but they could have been easily moved to the couch by Ponyboy or Two-Bit.

"I dunno," it was Ponyboy. "She just kinda fell." Way to explain it, Pony. After reading your essay, I would think that you could have found some better words to explain me fainting.

I could feel the presence of about three other guys around me. One kept dabbing a cold cloth on my forehead and I knew it was either Pony or Darry. I eliminated that it wasn't Soda because if Soda was here, than Steve was here and that would make just way too many people. My stomach felt extremely hungry and all I wanted to do was get up and grab something to eat. The only thing I had eaten that day was my piece of chocolate cake from this morning and if Darry was home, that meant that it had to be at least four thirty. That made it to be at least seven hours and all I had eaten was a small piece of cake. Like I said before, I have to eat often and in small portions, so I wasn't surprised when my stomach started to grumble.

I let my eyes fly open, staring at a scared out of his mind Ponyboy right above my head. He was the one holding the wet cloth. I couldn't blame him being so scared though. After his dealings with hospitals and sick people, I would never want to see anybody even have a simple cold again. It was agitating and pitiful seeing his eyes wide with fear above my head and his face was as white as the icebox door. The last time I had seen him that white and scared was the night Johnny and Dally had been taken from us. My condition wasn't even an eighth of a whole as bad as that night had been. We had all lost it that night and it hadn't just been Ponyboy whose face turned that color. I remember Soda burying his head in his hands, Steve all of a sudden stopping trying to heal his wounds. Darry had stood there, dumbstruck and Two-Bit - well Two-Bit couldn't make one joke the crack. Me? Well, I remember running into the bathroom as if I was about to throw up. That was one of the worst nights of my life. It seems funny, already having so many "worst nights" and only being fifteen (sixteen in a few days). And all those nights happened within the last year, too.

"Cherry!" Pony exclaimed. That made Two-Bit and Darry look over at me. They had both been standing a little bit away, probably talking about something that really wasn't that important, just trying to fill the void in time between me fainting and waking up. I found that my family and friends do that when something bad happens. We mourn in private and when we're all together, we pretend like nothing happened. I was the same way partly because sharing your emotional feelings with a bunch of boys isn't always the best way to let your feelings go.

"Hi Pony," I said as cheerfully as possible and tried to sit up, but felt that I my body was too weak and sat back down. I hadn't felt this defenseless in a long time.

"What the hell happened?" Two-Bit asked, pushing Pony out of the way, while Pony just gave him a look but didn't say anything back. I realized they were all in my room, probably because it was closest to the baby's. They wouldn't have to carry me so far. "You were standin' next to me and the next thing ya know, you're on the floor."

"Just get me some food," I ordered and saw Darry head out to the kitchen. "I didn't eat anythin' since breakfast." They all looked at me weird, like I was a three-headed alien or something, but nobody talked. Judging by the way Darry was acting, he hadn't found out about the room yet. Honestly, as I looked back in my mind at the job we had done first painting it and then cleaning up, we didn't stand a fat chance at not getting in trouble. That was just our luck with Darry because we could never get anything past him.

One time, I had really wanted to stay out past midnight, so I phoned Darry from the Dingo. Of course, being the parental brother that he is, he said no. I argued for about five minutes, but it didn't help any. So, needless to say, I went home at five of twelve. I didn't talk to Darry and instead I went straight back to my room. I laid there for all of two seconds on my bed before getting up and decided to do my trademark move of sneaking out my window. I quietly got up, snuck over, trying to make as little noise as possible because in our house, noise travels through the walls as if it was paper. When I opened my window and jumped down, there was Darry, muscles and all. After that, I wasn't allowed out of the house for two weeks. He thought I was going to go drinking or something, but I was only going to walk around, maybe find Johnny, who was probably asleep in the lot. That night I just really wanted to stay away from home for no reason in particular. I think its something all teenagers want to do because Pony's tried it a few times and Soda's out past midnight all the time only because Darry trusts him more. I don't see why. Soda may be always there for us…but he is definitely the least innocent out of us all.

Darry came back in with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that looked like it had been whipped up in about five seconds because the sides were dripping with excess jelly and peanut butter. I gladly took it though, because I think I wasn't the only one who could hear my stomach grumble at the exact moment I took the first bite.

"Why didn't ya eat?" Darry asked, looking me over. He probably thought I was becoming anorexic or trying to kill my baby by not eating. First, I am a firm believer in food and the way we chew it up so it goes in our body and second, well, I am by far a murderer. Especially of my own kid.

"We were paintin' all day," I explained through a mouthful of food. It vaguely registered that if this was any other girl sitting here besides me, they wouldn't have talked with half chewed sandwich in their mouth, but I didn't really care. Two of these guys were my brothers and the other was just as good as.

At the mention of painting, Darry got real excited. I don't really know why, possibly because he thought we had taken over a job and he could cross one more thing off his list. Too bad taking off that one thing meant we had probably added about three more. He didn't know that yet though, but we all followed him into the baby's room to see his reaction. When he opened the door, his mouth sort of dropped and, if at all possible, his eyes got even icier. I noticed just how cold his eyes were ever since reading Pony's story.

"We thought we would go with the splattered look," Two-Bit said. "Adds a bit more color to the room, don't ya think?"

Darry glanced over at us and then looked up. With a sigh that symbols all the carelessness that went into the room, he breath out, "Why is the paint on the _ceiling_?"


	21. Beginning of a Birthday

**Disclaimer: SE Hinton owns the Outsiders and all the characters…I'm just stuck making up my own people and putting them into the greatness of the world of Susie. I hope I don't upset her. **

**A/N: Constructive criticism anybody? Thanks to Yusuke'sSister for the greatest reviews! Wow…I've never made it this far before in a novel-length story. :) I have a new one-shot up about Soda and Sandy… "--raises eyebrows suggestively--"**

**Happy reading!**

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Grounded. That's what Pony and I were for two weeks. We couldn't do anything that involved going out of the house at night. After Darry looked at the ceiling, he found the stains under the rug and the crib. We were yelled at for what seemed like hours, though it had really only been twenty minutes. Two-Bit had even been punished a bit because Darry wouldn't let him eat dinner with us at all last week. Instead, whenever the food was put on the table, he had to leave or sit and watch us consume the food. It had actually been really funny watching him look at the especially good meals Darry had cooked up with a look that clearly said he was hungry, but had no other place to go, so he was forced to look at us eat. Some of the time, I wanted to slip food to him because I don't eat a lot at one time anyway, but Darry would have caught me, so I kept my hands to myself.

I was hoping Darry would at least let me out of the house today, considering it is my birthday and all. I don't think I could stay in the house today, even if I was forced to. All week I had been asked what I wanted. See, in my house if you want one big thing (a new radio for example) than that's all you get, but if you just want a few small things, then everybody's allowed to get you a gift. I don't know why it's like that - probably from everybody's tight budget, but Mom always made it a rule and it didn't change this year though my parents weren't here. But I didn't want anything and really, I didn't want to celebrate my birthday. Up until last night I had been excited, until I realized what had happened on this day exactly a year ago. It wasn't anything like the day that Mom and Dad died. That had been horrible. This had been a good day. A very good day.

Johnny and I were walking together back from the movies with Pony. It had actually been very awkward in the theater because Johnny and I kept glancing at each other, blushing, turning away, and then looking back again. It had been real annoying, to tell you the truth. See, this was in the early days of our relationship, before anything serious happened. I was still the teenage girl who looked around and sized up much any guy that walked past, Soc or Grease. You know that age, right? When you're too obsessed with good looking guys to realize you have the perfect boy right in front of you. Well, I used to have a very bad case of that illness, because almost anywhere I went I would look at the boys even though I knew I had no chance in the world to get together with them. I never really start conversation with guys besides the gang if you haven't noticed by now. I know a lot of girls who go right up to a guy, hand them their number and then say to call them later, but I won't make a move unless the guy does. At least that way I know he's interested.

Well, anyway, Pony didn't notice a thing at all even though he was sitting right smack in the middle of us. He gets very into movies when he sees them and rarely pays attention to anything else, unless it was that Cherry Valance from a few months ago. I think that was Pony's first real girl-sighting. He's never dug girls as much as the rest of the gang, but Soda just said it was because he was younger and he reads too much. Many girls look at him, so that's not the problem, he just was never interested. I think he's getting to the "I think about girls more than I probably should" stage though, because I see him glancing at them a little longer than normal when we're hanging out at the DX. My baby brother's growing up. Aw.

Since Pony doesn't notice anything at all, Johnny got up a few times, brushed past me on his way out and came back with nothing in his hands. Okay, I know what your probably thinking, but even a guy who drank a large Pepsi doesn't go to the bathroom that much in such a short amount of time. I thought it was sweet and also I noticed the faint blush on his cheeks whenever our legs touched as he scooted back over to his chair. I couldn't help the huge smile cross over my face whenever he did this and then realized that this was his move. Johnny Cade, who from what I heard never had much action with a girl before, was trying to get my attention and maybe gain a little more experience. The next time he got up I did something I never expected to do. I grabbed his arm and pushed him into the seat next to me.

He seemed surprised, and then we both laughed a nervous giggle, as if we couldn't believe what had just happened. It was very weird, and then just like that…in the fraction of a second, something happened. We both got up at the same time. I was planning on going to get a water and he told me later on that he was going to move back to his seat because he thought I wasn't interested. He never really had a lot of confidence. Anyway, when we both sat up, I took it as the wrong thing and leaned in and just like that, kissed him. It wasn't a long kiss…just enough for our lips to touch and then move apart, but it felt good, like something exploded inside of me. Too bad the whole theater was full and since Pony just _needed_ to sit in the first row, everybody saw our little incident. Needless to say there were catcalls and a few pieces of popcorn got stuck in our hair. We fell back into our seats, cheeks burning from embarrassment and I was all too happy the theater was dark. Did I mention this whole time, Pony didn't notice anything? I'm sure he found out later because him and Johnny were best friends, but at that moment he had no clue what had just happened.

Which brings me back to my birthday. The only person who could possibly have any clue about why I'm so sad is Ponyboy and I trust him enough to know that he hasn't told anybody. I don't want anybody to bug me today. If Johnny was here, that would be another thing. I would have a great day and maybe even have asked for a few gifts. I knew I was going to get something because the gang can't let me just forget about my birthday. It's impossible, but on top of the Johnny thing I didn't want to go out because my stomach was even larger than it had been just eight days ago. At the doctor's office there's these pictures of woman at fifteen weeks pregnant who look like they're hardly showing at all. And then there's me, blimp lady. I'm constantly told you can barely notice, but I know that it looks like there's a full grown watermelon attached to my stomach. I can see myself in the mirror. I think I even grew from just last night. Now I was permanently in Darry's old shirts. There was no going back to regular sized clothing anymore.

I walked out to the living room, where Two-Bit was asleep on our couch. Perhaps Darry will let him have dinner with us today in honor of my birthday. It was Sunday after all and the mess occurred last Saturday, so it had been over a week of the no-food-for Two-Bit act. I went into the kitchen and grabbed some fruit and started to boil some hot water. I bought some tea the other day because the doctor recommended it to help settle some type of acid thing. It actually wasn't that bad though everybody else complained it stank up the whole house. I just ignored them because it did make me feel better.

With an apple in hand, I went back into the living room and plopped right on top of Two-Bit's stomach to wake him up. Normally I would have just let him sleep, but I didn't feel like being alone at the moment even though later on in the day, I probably won't even want to be bother. Two-Bit choked a little bit and coughed, his eyes flying open. I couldn't help but laugh at his blood-shot eyes and purple bags beneath them. I have to say, out of everybody to wake up, Two-Bit is the most fun because you never know how he's going to react. Sometimes he'll just roll right over and go back to sleep or other times he'll throw me off and then go back to sleep. Usually it ended with going back to sleep though. Two-Bit likes his sleep.

"Ya know you're not as light as ya were with the baby now," Two-Bit said groggily. I looked at him with my eyebrows scrunched up.

"Ya sure know how to compliment a lady on her birthday," I teased, still not getting up from on top of him. He didn't try to push me off, but he did look like he wanted to sit up at least. It was probably because the baby could get hurt if he attempted to push me off. Two-Bit knew his brand new limits with me now that the baby was more than present in my life. It involved the only physical think I could do was walking and I couldn't even swing a baseball bat if I had the chance. Darry wouldn't let me. I know this whole baby thing is new to all of them, but I really need to get it through the gang's heads that I can do other things. It is a bit annoying most of the time. I've noticed we've taken the truck a lot more places than usual because nobody thinks I can walk the mile to the DX. Not to mention Darry's been stuffing food in my face since last week when I fainted. He now claimed that I should eat at least every half hour.

"Happy birthday!" Two-Bit said enthusiastically. "You're present's under me so get off if ya want it." He tried to squiggle out from under me, but I was too heavy for him to move.

"I told ya not to get me anythin'." I playfully slapped his shoulder, but got off of him anyway and backed up. I didn't wait for him to reach under the couch cushions for my present and just went into the kitchen to finish making my tea. The water was boiling rapidly and all I had to do was pour it into the mug I got out of the cabinet and then add the tea bag. It was simple enough to do without me screwing anything up. It bored Soda because yesterday he ended up adding some blue food coloring to it. I asked why and all he did was shrug and then say something like if it doesn't smell good, it should at least look good.

Two-Bit followed me into the kitchen and I was surprised for a second that he hadn't just gone back to sleep. He had to have come in in the middle of the night because he wasn't here when I went to sleep. He took my tea out of my hand, made a face at it and then replaced it with his present. It was wrapped in some plain red paper and was stiff, so I knew it wasn't clothes. There was no card because there wasn't any need for one. Everybody knew it was my birthday and they handed me the present themselves so you didn't have to have a reminder of who it was from. I carefully tore open the paper and found a box with no picture on it. I looked up at Two-Bit, puzzled and then opened it up.

My hand touched a smooth piece of cloth and I pulled it out. It was a crib liner for the new baby and I must say it was one of the cutest things I've ever seen. There were small teddy bear designs on it over a yellow background cover. There were small rips in it, but nothing too major. It gave off the impression that it had been used before and it probably had because everything we greasers owned had once been owned before. It made no difference though because it would look right at home in the new crib.

"Thank you, Two-Bit," I said sincerely and reached up and gave him a hug. He seemed proud of himself from pulling off such a good present.

"It was mine," he said when I released him. He looked back down at the crib liner and pointed out some of the tears in it. "Look, I was even tough when I was a baby."

"Look, that one must'a been a Soc," I joked, pointing at one of the bears that was so ripped, its head was missing. I could just picture a baby Two-Bit, sideburns on the side of his head, ripping at the teddy bears as if they were mini Socs. Sure, that probably never happened because all the baby pictures I've ever seen of Two-Bit he was naked in a bathtub or had some food smeared all over his face. They were set up all over his living room and I have a feeling his mom has them stuck there permanently otherwise Two-Bit would have already taken them off the shelves like he does with the items at the convenience store. They were really embarrassing.

I stuffed the liner back in the box and than set it on the table before throwing away the wrapping paper in the garbage can. Then I went to check the icebox for all the breakfast materials we needed. I sure can't make breakfast because it comes out looking like a big black blob, but if we don't have everything needed to cook and I was the first one up, I get blamed for it. Usually somebody will pick up groceries on the way home from work or something, but this week apparently my family didn't think we needed to have breakfast on my birthday. But I was glad for the excuse to get out of the house by myself.

"I'm going to the store 'fore anybody else wakes," I told Two-Bit, grabbing the stash of money that's always in a jar on the counter for food. We always throw loose change from our pockets in there and Two-Bit and Steve usually just use is as an extra trash can, throwing every kind of gum wrapper or empty cigarette box in there. We had to be careful to just grab the money out.

"I'll come -" Two-Bit began to say, but I cut him off. I really just wanted to go alone. Sure, everybody's company is nice for awhile, but when I want to be the only one around, I make sure I get to be by myself somehow.

"Nah, go back to sleep," I tried to sound as casual as possible. "I'll be back in a half hour." Two-Bit seemed like he really wanted to come with me, but he shrugged because unlike Darry, he still knew I could handle myself even though I was pregnant. It was also still early in the morning, so I guarantee that most Greasers are still sleeping off a hangover. It's how our town works. If you don't work, you walk around uselessly all day, at night you find the best party to go to., then you fall asleep on someone else's couch and in the morning you sleep until noon to get rid of a hangover you don't deserve. Then you start all over again. It's like a never-ending greaser cycle.

I left the house through the front door and turned left instead of right like I normally would have. It was the longer route to get to the store, but it was just the fact that this way I went past Johnny's house which was why I kept walking. My feet were slowly getting tired even though I had only walked about two blocks, but that was the time I reached Johnny's house anyway, so I went in, just opening the door like I had the other month. The house was cleaner now, but the whole place still smelled like alcohol. I don't think anybody could use even the strongest sanitizer and get that smell fully out. There had been too many beers opened in this place. Too many full bottles crashed against the wall.

The furniture was back into place where it looked like a normal family might have lived here before. There was no dishes left in the sink, but I didn't dwell on how the negatives had now become positives. It was obvious that some realtors were getting ready to sell this place and I focused more on that this could be the last time I could ever be in this house. So I quickly moved back to Johnny's old closet-sized room. I plopped down onto his stained mattress and wondered why nobody had bothered to clean up his room yet. Probably because it didn't look like a bedroom and they had only taken the cleaning products into the rooms that looked like they had been used every day. Johnny's room was the exact opposite of being used every day. Which, it hadn't been. He had usually been at our house, in Dally's loft at Buck's or in the lot on any night when it was warm enough.

I liked his room though. It wasn't pretty, warm, or even put together right, but it had a sense of Johnny in it. The way his clothes still laid strewn across the floor reminded me of all the times he had left some type of bottle or can on our coffee table and I had been the one to clean it up, knowing it was Johnny's because he was the only one that had sat there all day. His bed cushion reminded my of the warmth I felt whenever he hugged me and the blood on the floor. The blood on the floor reminded me of every time he came to our house, bruised and not knowing what he was supposed to do, possibly on the verge of suicide. It gave reminiscence of me soothing him with my voice as if it was magic and flowed right into his nerves to stop them from shaking. I thought of me bandaging him up late at night and early in the morning, whenever he could get away from the monstrosity of his parents. The way the rest of the gang stood aside as I came to his aid. I suppose it pained them to know that Johnny didn't need to be a younger brother to them anymore, especially Dally. Dally loved Johnny just as much as I did and I suppose he resented me just a little bit because I was always with him, but he didn't do anything to me because he may have loved me just the same, just not at the same level as Johnny. I was up there though, I knew that and it might have been because I was the only girl. I don't know. I just know that Dally did care for me.

The thought of Dally came into my mind. I know I don't talk about him a lot, its just, I don't really know - Johnny meant more to me I guess. Dally was fun to be around and he almost belted me a few times because I was cocky with him, but it was never anything too serious. As much as Johnny was a little brother to him, I was like the little sister. And I suppose anybody would find it a little dismantling that their brother and sister got together. Maybe if I never was with Johnny, Dally would have never decided to get himself killed. He probably would have…but did I have any fault at Dally being shot? Was I part of the reason he wanted to die? Maybe he wouldn't be able to bear my face looking at him everyday, telling him just what I felt, like Pony said in his essay. My eyes give away my feelings. Maybe I have a bit of Johnny in my eyes and Dally wouldn't be able to take it if he so much as looked my way.

I closed my eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. I hadn't cried over Johnny in a month and I wanted to think that I had at least shed enough tears over him, but somehow, a wound in my heart opened up wide as soon as something of his came back in my life. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea coming here after all. All it did was make me feel worse than I already did. Not to mention, now I was going to have a hard time getting up because my round stomach doesn't let me rock forward anymore. I couldn't even jump out the window, so I was stuck going in and out the front doors of the world. It didn't make life any bit exciting, if you ask me.

So, it took me a few rocks, but I was soon standing on my own two feet and heading out the door where a past I forgot about in December would resurface again, with no resolution to let me go. Great.


	22. Bittersweet Sixteen

-1**Disclaimer: Everybody back! I have pepper spray::waves can out in front of her and people begin to laugh:: Ah, damn, I grabbed the silly string bottle by mistake. ::hands over the Outsiders to Susie Hinton::**

**A/N: Another longer chapter. After this one, I'm skipping another month or so. It's just going to be boring and uneventful if I keep going from here. Just know that I'm sorry if this chapter is confusing…it's very difficult, but if you read carefully, Cherry comes to realize some important things.**

**Constructive criticism anyone?**

**Happy reading!**

**----- **

I walked along towards the convenience store and wiped away the tears that just kept on coming. I wasn't even sure why I was crying so much, but it wasn't like I was sobbing. These were the tears you can't feel, the ones that just slip and you can't help it. It's hard to tell when the tears start falling when you cry like this because they are almost never felt until your eyes get too blurry to see out of. So now, I was wiping my face off and blinking my eyes constantly to try to get the water droplets away. I wasn't even sure why I was crying because I had cried all alone in Johnny's house and I thought the tears had already come through enough. I really just wanted to stop.

The fresh breeze was helping a little. It dried my eyes enough so that I could actually see through them now. The weather was starting to change. I hear up north they still have snow coming down this time of the year, but here in Tulsa we got our last snow fall over two weeks ago. So now the sun was starting to come out a bit more and it was a little bit warmer out, but I still had to wear a jacket so I didn't freeze. It wouldn't be time for shorts and tank tops for a few more months though, so if anybody walks anywhere and they want to live through frostbite, then they would need to wear a jacket.

The convenience store was basically empty. It's not a common occurrence to go grocery shopping very often around here. Greasers don't eat much at home - or at all for that matter - and there wasn't always enough money to buy food each week. My family almost always has to get food every few days because we go through so much. It's almost always only things that we just ran out of, not like a big list. If anything, we go mini-shopping during the week. I guess its just a Curtis thing because more than often I would always hear Steve and Two-Bit complaining that they had no food in their house. Whether that was actually true or they just wanted to eat with us, I wasn't sure, but we fed them anyway.

I grabbed everything on the list: eggs, milk, cheese, grape jelly, ketchup and bread. It wasn't a lot, but it still felt like much when I carried them around without a basket. The store clerk eyed me a bit, not as much as Two-Bit gets trailed, but he knows I have taken miscellaneous things off the shelves. I'm not a shoplifter by any means. Usually its just for a bit of excitement. The only things I ever swipe are stupid things that only cost like a cent: packs of gum and maybe a candy bar. Nothing major like I said. There's never really anything that's worth swiping around here. Sometimes I'll go into the DX when Soda's working the counter and I'll see whether I can take a few things just for fun. He knows me so well by now that he knows my tactics, but if I do get anything under his nose, I show it to him at home, joke that I'm going to report him to the boss and then take it back in the morning, or give Soda money for it. It's no big deal.

I tried to think back if we needed anything that wasn't on the list and decided that a few more Pepsis in our fridge wouldn't hurt. Pony would probably thank me for it. He's a Pepsi-holic and can barely go a day without having at least a bottle. There's not much that Pony needs, but he sure does like his Pepsi. I couldn't grab some though because my hands were full, so I carefully set everything down on the counter where the register was and then walked back to the back of the store where the owners kept the soda that wasn't cold on a shelf. The shelf was almost empty so I figure all the delivery trucks would be taking their turn around Tulsa today to stack back up on important things. There was only one more pack of bottles in the way back of the shelf where the lights never seem to hit. The caps were a little battered up and a few scratches lined the sides, but they weren't opened, so I grabbed them.

"Cherry?" the voice startled me and I jumped a bit, almost losing grip on the bottles of pop in my hand. I gripped them tighter as I turned around, prepared to use it as defense, because the voice didn't sound too friendly. There really shouldn't have been anybody else in the store for another hour or two since I was so early.

Mike and Tyler stood before me, Mike looking as handsome as ever and Tyler looking like he had just rolled out of a very messy bed. Mike's hair was heavily greased, in a very different contrast to the night I had met him at The Dingo when he barely had any on. His dark blue eyes had big purple bags under them that made him seem like he had been up all night. Which he probably had been. Out partying with his gang or something…screwing some girl because I wasn't around. Alright, probably not, but it felt a little bit better to think that he had gotten over me quickly.

Mike looked me over with wide eyes and a faint blush crept onto my cheeks. He noticed the protruding bump from my abdomen. It was kind of obvious, even through the big shirt I was wearing. Especially since I was stuck in sweatpants nowadays. It was embarrassing, having Mike and Tyler just stare at me like that. Would they get a prize for staring the longest? I didn't say anything in hopes that they would just stop staring, turn around and just leave.

"Uh - nice kid?" Mike tried to break the extremely uncomfortable silence that had wrapped around us. Nice kid? Couldn't he think of anything better to say? I mean, he already knew about the pregnancy and what did he expect, for me to shrink? I think I gave him a look that told him that he was being dumb and he caught on.

He looked a little sheepish with a lopsided smile as he stood in front of me. Kind of like a kid admitting they lost something that belonged to their parents. "It's just - I though ya were just lyin' to me."

I stared at him for a second, at a loss for words. My mouth must of dropped open at one point because I could feel the air around me drying it out. That didn't matter though because I didn't have time to think of a witty comment back to him. Something that mentioned how much of an idiot he was and to get back at him for calling my Johnny scum. Tyler was tugging on Mike's shirt, being overall annoying to him and I mentally patted him on the back. I had nothing against Tyler, just Mike and I wouldn't be holding a grudge against him right now if he hadn't called Johnny slum. If he had just left Johnny out of everything then maybe…just maybe… we could have talked it out. Of course, I still couldn't look him in the eye though. There was just something that told me that if I looked him in the eye, I would pounce on him like an angry cat.

"Mike, I wanna go home," Tyler whined. I smirked a little bit, looking down at the kid. There was just something inside of me that wanted to get away as fast as possible, but yet something made me stay. Mike was cute, nobody could deny that, but he was just one of those boys that I would have stared at from a distance before I came together with Johnny. Now - I don't really know - I couldn't just walk away.

"Hold on a sec, Tyler," Mike said, glaring down at his younger brother who gave him an evil look before shutting up. Then Mike looked up at me with a look of pity on his face. I really didn't want any pity. "Listen, Cherry, I'm sorry I called that guy slum."

My eyebrows tightened together and my eyes scrunched a little bit. I was giving him the most unsatisfied look I could muster. "It's just - he should have never left a girl like yaself."

"He didn't leave me," I gritted out through clenched teeth, already feeling myself getting angry at Mike. I couldn't help it; I don't have much of a chance when I want to hold back my anger most of the time. Especially when somebody puts down another person I know. Especially if it's Johnny. "He didn't want'a leave me."

"Then why did he?" Mike asked innocently, not really getting what I was saying. I thought everybody knew about how Johnny died and what me and him had going together. Pony and him had been famous on both the Soc and Grease sides of the city. Apparently Mike was new to town. Maybe that was why he was alone at The Dingo that night I met him. Perhaps he didn't have a gang he was apart of. Tyler was always around him and I don't suppose a gang would want that anyway. He was a misfit in a world of outsiders.

"Ya don't deserve ta know," I said gruffly, taking the pop bottles and trying to move past Mike and Tyler. I went through the two of them and up to the counter where Ted - the store owner - rang up my purchases. Ted has owned this store since before the first time I ever came here. He's a tall man and definitely intimidates anybody who comes in here. He's quickly balding on the top of his head and wears shirts with holes and grease on them like he had just finished working on a car instead of taking inventory of all the pickles he had. He was a nice man unless you did him wrong. I got along with him just fine most of the time.

"Cherry, come'n," Mike pleaded, following me. Tyler must have gone his own way because I couldn't see him anywhere. Apparently he was as sick of his brother as I was. I wish I could just run away from him…too bad this baby was holding me down. It really felt like I had gained at least ten extra pounds.

"Listen, Mike," I tried to be as nice as possible as I whipped around. If one of the gang was around, they would have come up, pretended like they were with me and then Mike would have left. But nobody was with me. I was left to fend for myself. Usually when I do that really bad things happen, hence the baby in me right now. I used to think I was good at fighting, now I'm not too sure. Sure, I can snap at somebody and have them back off for a second, but perhaps I needed just those few extra people to throw off the physical punches. Maybe every time before that awful week when Pony and Johnny were in Windrixsville, I had just been lucky and got away on pure whim. Now that I didn't have so many people guarding me, maybe I couldn't take it anymore. The thought seemed true enough and I have to admit, it's beginning to scare me something awful.

"I don't wanna talk about it," I let myself down. I had this witty and forceful comment ready and now I was backing down? What was wrong with me? Certainly this baby is messing up my head. I should be yelling him into a corner right now. Digging a whole and then burying him alive. Just for calling Johnny slum. It wouldn't seem right to anybody watching us, but it felt right to me. Why was I suddenly not following my own thoughts?

Mike stood for a second as I handed over the exact amount of money to Ted and took my bags. He seemed to be observing me like I was a fish in an aquarium. Well, it felt like this fish was about to get caught in the filter. Stubborn…it was my trademark…why wasn't it working it's way out of me at this very moment? There were questions whizzing through my head that I could barely think each one through before another popped up. My heart turned heavy and I could feel it sinking lower and lower into my stomach. I want Johnny. I want Johnny. That was really the only thing I could think of. Johnny had been my savior and now that he wasn't here…there was too much left to save. My life as I had known it was slipping through the cracks as I gently slid in and out of sanity. Could this really be happening now? While I was just taking an innocent walk to the convenience store? Could a revelation really come this quickly in real life? Sure, movies are like this all the time…but Tulsa, Oklahoma is no movie. It's real life with real fights and real troubles. Real social classes and real money that separates the good form the bad; the cute from the ugly.

I couldn't stand there anymore. Ted was watching the scene like it was the most famous movie moment ever and Tyler was beginning to wander back on over. I balanced out the bags in my hand and turned to leave through the door. I could hear footsteps coming up behind me and knew they were belonging to Mike. He couldn't just take the hint and leave me alone, could he?

There were no tears beginning to stain my cheeks. I couldn't cry anymore today even if I had been given a million dollars to. Yet, I felt like my eyes needed to fill up with water. I couldn't handle any of this. I thought I was tough, but I wasn't. I'm not even tuff. The kind that every greaser is. I can't even take on a boy my age and fend for myself. I was fooling myself into thinking I was grand and dandy, living with my brothers and Mom and Dad gone. I missed them terribly. There wasn't a day that goes on by when I don't think of them. And to think, in a month, it will be one year since that goddamned accident. Time goes by like a speeding bullet killing one of your best friends…

I walked as fast as possible with the bags and the baby weighing me down. My feet hurt, but I kept moving at the fastest pace I could. Mike was right behind me, trying to grab a hold of one of my bags, but I kept moving them away as soon as his hand snapped down. Then one time, with one finger, he gripped the part of the bag that was weak and the milk, jelly and ketchup fell to the ground. The ketchup bottle broke and red debris filled the sidewalk and the tops of our shoes and bottoms of our jeans. The jelly got dented as did the milk and I couldn't help but get mad as I was forced to bend over and pick stuff up, which is hard to do when a baby is sitting on the front of your body. The scale just didn't balance out and I almost dropped down onto the ground.

"Here," Mike picked up the milk and jelly and gently set them inside one of my other bags. "I'll run back and get ya another bottle of that -"

"No," I said firmly, afraid that my crybaby attitude would pop up all of a sudden. I hate crying, though I may seem to do it a lot. When I was little I never used to cry, but I suppose that that all changed when Mom and Dad died. I've cried a whole lot since then I suppose it scares my brothers sometimes, but I can't help it.

"Mike, just leave me the hell alone," I gritted out. My eyes must have been dancing with anger because Mike did a little bit of a swagger backwards like he was drunk. I wish he was drunk, then when I yelled it would hurt him a little bit more. "Johnny died. He died savin' some kids in a fire. Okay? Ya got it now? Now ya can just leave me alone!"

Mike stared at me with very wide eyes and Tyler stood back from the scene, most likely scared of me, but I really didn't care. Something was stirring inside of me and I couldn't take it. I wanted to slap Mike so hard in the face that he would be flying down to Mexico. If only people would just stop staring at me. So what if I was a pregnant sixteen year old. This wasn't how my birthday was supposed to turn out.

"Cherry, I'm sorry," Mike said sincerely. I could hear the honesty in his voice. "But, ya gotta get over him sooner or later, don't ya?"

"No, I don't," I expressed sadly, almost whispering my answer. My feet kicked at the broken shards of glass and I turned around and headed back to my house. This time, Mike wasn't following behind me. I don't think I could have taken another confrontation. I didn't like Mike, that was for sure. There was no chance at us getting together ever, but we could be friends…I could feel it. There was just something in the way that he said that he was sorry that said to me that we could become friends. I didn't know anything about him, but maybe I needed to loosen up.

I've always been a little bit on the uptight side since Mom and Dad died. I just tend to hide it from the gang. I think Johnny knew I was putting on a charade, but he never mentioned anything. He never mentioned anything that would put me down. I guess he figured I didn't need anything else weighing down on me after Mom and Dad. Nothing could touch me where I was flying above everybody else. I was invincible up until my one true constant in my life went away from me.

You probably are wondering why Johnny was my one constant. Well, my brothers were all there for me whenever I needed it, but they had their own focuses away from me. Darry had to worry about the bills and feeding all of us a nutritious meal each day. He had to stop the state from taking us away and went to more court cases than anybody his age should. Soda loved me and I could talk to him about anything, but he had Sandy. After Mom and Dad died, Sandy took him in and nursed him back to health, to the normal Sodapop he had once been. And Pony shut himself up, wouldn't talk to anybody for a few months. Sure, he uttered a few words, but he never conveyed any feelings to anybody. So I was left with Johnny because all the rest of the gang had their own lives to live. Johnny was always there when I seemed the most down. And now when I needed him most, he was gone from me.

I walked home silently, kicking at stray pebbles and opened the squeaky front door when I came up to the house. Two-Bit was sitting on the couch, watching some television and Steve was on the ground with some chocolate cake in his hand and icing smeared across his face. Pony was sitting in Darry's large armchair, trying unsuccessfully to read a book and Soda was helping Darry clean up the dishes in the sink.

"Well, if it isn't the birthday girl," Two-Bit said happily as I came in and went to set the bags on the counter in the kitchen. "I thought the aliens might have come down an' abducted ya."

I smirked, still upset and not really sure of what I was supposed to do. I put on the act that I had held up for almost a year now. "Nah, just ran into someone down at the store."

"Who?" Soda asked curiously, taking a peek into the bags and then rummaging into them, picking out only the stuff he wanted. "Hey, ya forgot the ketchup."

"If ya really want it, it's splattered across the ground 'bout a block from here," I said smartly. Soda looked at me with a cocked eyebrow. "The bag ripped."

I ignored the question he asked about who and hoped he would forget about it. He did as he shrugged and got out all the breakfast materials he could use. The only thing left inside was the dented Pepsi bottles Ted had settled on the bottom. I took them out and stuck them in the icebox where the cold air would soon make them fit to drink. Soda began making breakfast the way everybody in the house likes it, even taking Two-Bit and Steve's requests. Everybody was in a good mood even though it was Sunday and everybody would have to go back to work tomorrow. I suppose they were all trying to make my birthday special.

We went through the day like we celebrate any other birthday. We had extra chocolate cake that Soda had deliberately put more sugar in than all the other ingredients, so nobody liked it that much and Darry ended up whipping another one after everybody had spit their share into some sort of napkin. Steve spit his right onto Soda, which got a laugh from everybody, including the one being spit at. I was given my gifts. Steve gave me some baby toys and Soda, Darry and Pony chipped in for a changing table that matched my crib. Then we all joined in a poker game with the set that Steve had gotten me for Christmas. I didn't stay in long because I wanted to keep the money I had earned from my last week's pay. When I finally made my last fold out of the game, I got up without talking and went back to my room.

I sat on my bed for the longest time with nothing really on my mind. I was all scattered in my thinking. I knew for a fact that I wanted Johnny back, but Mike had stirred something in me, something that hadn't been dug up for awhile. He gave me a feeling that Johnny had given me. Sure, this feeling wasn't near as big as Johnny's, but it was there, doing a little jig in the smallest part of my heart. I didn't want to be with Mike, I knew that, but love is confusing, you know? I loved Johnny. No, I still love Johnny. But I like Mike. I tried to convince myself that nobody could replace Johnny. Ever. I really just wished Mike would leave my life and stop leaving me so confused. I don't like being confused. It's a hard feeling to deal with, not knowing what to do or think or even act like.

After awhile of thinking and staring up at my yellowing ceiling, my door creaked open and Soda came in. He was only in sweatpants and shirtless. To be completely honest, if we weren't related, he would have been one of the boys I stared at in public. But he was nothing but a brother to me. Sure he was good looking, but I loved Soda like a brother and knew his personality, unlike all the other girls. Sandy really missed out on something good.

"Hey," he said gently, sitting next to me on the bed. "What's up?"

"Nothin'," I said, looking at him briefly and then taking my up my position of staring at the sky again. It seemed rude to answer him like that, but I really didn't want to say anything else.

"Ya seem outta it," Soda pointed out. "Who ya run into at the store today?"

Oh. I really hoped he had forgotten about that. That was Soda though, always remembering when you didn't answer a question he asked you. There was no point in hiding it though, Soda would find out sooner or later and at least if I told him, he wouldn't tell anybody else.

"Mike," I sighed. Nobody had mentioned Mike at all since December. I took it that they didn't want to upset me at all, so I kind of just forgot about him. That was, until today. He just came crashing down out of the sky today.

"Is that what made ya so quiet today?" I had been quiet today? I actually thought I had gotten along pretty well. I talked and laughed along with everybody else and even made my own comments slither into the conversations whenever I felt. Apparently I hadn't been totally up to par all day though, otherwise Soda wouldn't just mention something that never happened.

"Nah," I answered honestly. What was up with all these one word answers? I usually talked to Soda more than this. You know there's a problem when you can't even explain your actions to yourself.

"Then what is it?" Soda asked, confused. I thought for a minute. What was bothering me so much? I already established that Mike wasn't my only problem. There was something else I just couldn't get over and it was bothering me. I saw other people and wondered what it was like to be them, just because I was different.

"I don't want this baby, Soda," I said without really thinking about it. It was true though. I tried to deny not wanting it, but it was there. I knew that I would have to deal with it, but I couldn't help but deny this baby the chance for me to want it.

"Ah," Soda said as if he had all the answers in the world. He didn't, but we all liked to pretend he did. "Well, we can't get outta that, can we?"

I didn't say anything because it was true. The baby would come in July and then I would have to breastfeed it, care for it, change the thing's diapers, and never have a social life again. For once, I wished that I was back in school, making terribly grades and dealing with all the Socs as if the only thing they ever did was make fun of me.

"No. I guess there isn't," I sighed deeply. Getting under my blankets and pulled on them so Soda would move. He didn't leave my room though, he lifted up the comforter and got under it with me. With one arm flung over my body gently, he whispered so that I could hear him:

"Happy birthday, Cherrytree."


	23. I Miss Ya

-1**Disclaimer: SE Hinton owns.**

**A/N: Expect slower updates because of school starting. Thanks for all the reviews and constructive criticism is welcome!**

**Happy reading!**

**-----**

I was awake, the only one awake in the house. The crickets were chirping and I could see a lot of stars out of my bedroom window. More stars than usual. It was about two o'clock in the morning, but I just couldn't sleep. My stomach made me have to lay on my side all night long now and it was even a pain to bend down to shave my legs. To think I still had five months left of this misery was horrible.

But that wasn't the reason I was up. Today was going to be a miserable day altogether. It was March fifteenth and it had been one year. One lonely and terrible year without our parents today. That was why I was awake. I bet Ponyboy was up, but I didn't want to get up and risk waking up Darry. He had to go to work in the morning and I can guarantee that nobody will want to be woken up at this time in the morning. I was only up because I couldn't sleep. I've been up since nine o'clock yesterday. The baby wasn't helping much though, because every time I decided to rest, all I could feel was kicking, kicking and more kicking. This baby was a real greaser: trying to get out of the place where they had to stay. Kind of like a little Dally in jail. No, if my kid is like a Dallas Winston I'm going to hurt it. One Dally in a lifetime is enough. I just wish he was still here.

I can't believe we lost four of the most important people in my life in less than a year. Mom had always been there for me and I don't think I didn't have anything I didn't tell her. She was my woman. The only one in the house so I went to her with all my girl problems. While Dad would listen when I really needed an ear, he wasn't all too sure of all that girly stuff. He would literally cringe at the simple mention of a period. I actually thought it was kind of funny growing up, though the word even made me feel a little queasy whenever I heard it. I think I'm one of the few girls who actually still snicker behind their hand whenever a "grown-up" word comes up in conversation. That's just from growing up with a pack of immature boys though. I suppose one day I'll grow out of it.

Dad had always been my buddy and my brothers teased me of being Daddy's Little Girl, but I denied it because being seen hanging with your dad in the older elementary school grades wasn't the coolest thing. I suppose I liked the phrase when I was little, but not when I grew up. It was just too kid-ish sounding, but now I will always remember that phrase dearly. Being the only girl in a herd of boys does mean that you get a lot of things the others didn't. I got his sensitive side, the one that guys are usually afraid to show around women. But not me. When I was little my dad always told me a bunch of secrets and pretended like Mom didn't know about them so that I felt important. Sometimes he would let a big one slip though. One that even my mother didn't know about and then he would pay me a dollar not to tell. It was always fun having those special father daughter moments and I missed them.

Dad did most of the physical things with Pony, Soda and Darry. They went hunting, threw the football around and played baseball (though I was usually allowed to participate in that sport since it was the only one that I would get squished at). They went fishing all the time. I went once, got a fish on the line and Dad got it off. He had me run my fingers over the cool skin and I freaked. I don't usually get spooked like that, but it felt so weird. I made him throw it back in the lake, and it was a nice size fish, too. Needless to say, we didn't have fish for dinner that night.

Mom was the one I usually hung out with. She knew everything about me, ranging from something as simple as my favorite color to why I hated my fifth grade math teacher so much. We would bake together whenever we had time and of course, we had our traditional shopping trips. We were like any other mom and teenage daughter though. We had our fights that usually ended up in us just full out screaming at each other. I would take back anything I said to her now. I said some pretty terrible things to my parents when I couldn't do something. Soda, Darry and Pony all knew I had it in me to yell and scream like my life depended on it. Sometimes I imagined that our house sounded like Johnny's when we yelled. I wonder if Johnny ever walked by, heard us yelling and ran for it, thinking that his Dad was waiting inside the door to slap him down with one blow.

I don't even know what we would fight about that seemed so important. There were just the occasional outbursts that I had said something unnecessary at the dinner table and then there were the ones that I yelled because we didn't have a lot of money. I wasn't a spoiled brat by any means, but sometimes I just couldn't take having a little bit of money. Most of the time it was just because I wanted something one of my middle class friends had and I couldn't get it. Those were the fights I wished I could take back. They were pointless.

I tried to fall asleep. I really did, but I couldn't and by the time the sun had been up for about two hours, I heard footsteps and bedroom doors open and close. The pans in the kitchen began to clang and the icebox was being frequently opened and closed. It sounded like any other day. Yet, I could see the pained look on Sodapop's face (his was the door that opened first so I just figured that it was him since Pony usually sleeps late on Sundays) as he scrambled the eggs and made them the way we all liked them. I really didn't want to face any of them today. I'm not too good with facing others when something bad happens. Like I mentioned before, when Johnny died, I locked myself in with a sick Pony. I hate talking about events like that. It just is a personal time, ya know? I don't want anybody to know my feelings. People like to say that that is a bad thing, but it's just the way I am.

Feeling tired, but knowing I wouldn't be able to fall asleep, I gently slid from my bed and stood gradually, not wanting to fall over from the weight on the front half of my body. I was beginning to arch my back just to support the weight. I didn't know why I was so big. When Mom was pregnant with Pony, I saw pictures and she wasn't even this big at eight months. This baby better come out weighing twenty pounds otherwise I will have to start running with Ponyboy to take off the extra weight.

I left my bedroom in sweatpants and this time one of Soda's shirts that I grabbed from the wash basket. It showed more, but I really couldn't care less around the house. Everybody knew I was pregnant around here so why hide it? Two-Bit seemed the most excited and Steve always acted like it was just an ordinary day when I was complaining about something. But Two-Bit…wow…he was really enthusiastic about all of this. He constantly gives out name suggestions - all of them for boys - or asks me if his mom can help with anything, considering he doesn't know anything about what it feels like to be pregnant. Mrs. Matthews is already busy enough with two jobs, so I dare not ask her about anything. Not like I would anyway. Mrs. Matthews is nice, but she can't take the place of my real mom.

Out in the kitchen, Soda was making breakfast like I had guessed and Darry was sitting at the table with the paper spread out in front of him and a big mug of coffee was in his hand. It looked like any other day and I couldn't help but feel a little bit of resentment to my brothers for not expressing the things I was feeling. But I grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and poured myself some chocolate milk like I did everyday at breakfast. Then I put some boiling water on the stove so I could make tea. Like I said, I don't like to talk about my feelings, so I didn't mention anything. I glanced over at the newspaper as Soda slid a plate in front of me with my eggs and saw Darry flipped quickly through the obituary section, not wanting to read whose names were in there today. At least somebody showed some sign of remorse. It was killing me silently to think that my brothers were just ignoring the fact that our parents died on this day a year ago.

Especially when Pony walked out, his hair sticking up at odd angles and big dark circles under his eyes. It looked as if he had gotten just as much sleep as I had, but nobody said anything. Not even a casual 'morning. We were all in our own little worlds, thinking of what could have been or what would have been. None of us were in the present or thinking about the now that was happening. We were all filled with the thoughts of then. I choked down my breakfast, thinking that just a year ago my parents were leaving to go out on a ride, having been in a bad temper all week. We never anticipated that they might not return, so the proper good-byes weren't said.

I couldn't stay in the house. I just had the feeling deep in my gut that I needed to get out for awhile. It was even harder because Steve and Two-Bit hadn't even dropped by today. They knew what the date was, though none of them probably kept a calendar. I suppose they thought it was right to step away from us for a day, but really it was just making it worse. Nobody could utter a word without thinking they said something wrong today and I hated it. If our friends were here, it wouldn't be this hard, but the day mimicked the same as last year with none of us speaking. So I finished my breakfast, rinsed my plate and then left the house through the front door without a word. I was surprised that Darry wasn't coming after me and telling me to get back in the house. Or that Soda wasn't offering to drive me wherever I wanted to go. Though I was sixteen now, I still hadn't gone to get my license. I figured that being pregnant would only interfere with the controls and the person judging me might think I was too irresponsible to drive a car. So I was stuck without any means of transportation besides my feet or the bus for the time being.

It didn't really matter though, because the place I was going was within walking distance and I knew the path because Pony used to love going there. It didn't take very long to get to the cemetery, but everything on the way reminded me of my parents. The bent stop sign reminded me of when some filthy greaser had during the night came by with a baseball bat and whacked our mailbox. I woke up to Dad cursing up a storm and muttering a bunch of things under his breath while he tried to fix the mess because we couldn't afford a new one. I remember the way his eyes had gotten very distant while he tried to fix it and how he had warned each one of us that if we ever destroyed another person's property we wouldn't live to see sunlight ever again.

Even the yellow lines in the middle of the street reminded me of Mom. She used to have this hideous yellow dress that exact color and though nobody else liked it, she was so fond of it that she would wear it almost every Sunday. I told her it was ugly the first few times she wore it, but when she never listened, we all just gave up and got used to the color blinding your eyes as soon as you walked into the room. I wonder where that dress is now…probably still in our parents room. That door is never opened.

When I came upon the church with the cemetery in the back, there were cars parked out front and I realized that the sermon must still be going. The church was rundown and obviously one for greasers. The white that it was painted was fading and some red bricks were beginning to show through the paint. One of the set of double doors was literally hanging off its hinges and a window was taped up on the side. If somebody walked past, they might think that the church was abandoned, but the music coming from inside said otherwise. The minister inside I had only saw once or twice, but he was nice enough when I had to greet him at the door. He was very tall and balding at the top of his head.

I walked past the church, not bothering to look inside the windows, and found my way through the graves and tombstones. I couldn't exactly remember where my parents were buried because I had never visited after they were put in the ground. It just sort of creeped me out that they were stuck in the ground where dirt and bugs could get in at them. Especially since Mom had always kept things orderly. But I walked for a few minutes before locating the graves. It was one big tombstone set for the both of them, instead of two individual ones.

_Here lies:_

_Darrel Sr. and Linda Curtis _

_1923-1964_

_Beloved father, mother and friend._

Darry had ordered the tombstone and it hadn't been put up until a few months after they were buried because the ground was hard enough yet or something like that. I hadn't really thought about it, but it was nice enough. Two hearts were engraved under the words and it probably all Darry could afford.

I'm not sure why I came here, but I knelt besides their grave, wishing I had some sort of flower or marker to put down, but it was just me. The wind blew through my hair and tossed it around in my face and I took it as a sign from my parents. I'm not big into religion and rarely ever go to church, but the thought that they were with me settled my nerves a bit. Everybody who loses somebody probably always looks for a sign that they're still with them somehow. The breeze could have been my own mother or just plain old Mother Nature, but I didn't care. I couldn't sit there in silence, so I decided to talk.

"I miss ya, Mom - Dad," I whispered and wondered if they were listening. It felt kind of weird to be talking to nothing but the cloudless sky, but I kept going, just saying anything that came to mind. "I hope Johnny and Dally are up there with ya. If they are, please tell Johnny I love him. I didn't get the chance ta before he left. And make sure Dally knows to behave otherwise he might be sent to Hell like that Cherry Valance told him to. I miss y'all and wish ya were down here with us.

"Darry, Pony and Soda are doin' okay I guess. Darry's been gettin' real antsy about the bills and he's so stressed out all the time. I wish I could do somethin' to help, but the only real thing we can do is give 'im a back massage when he comes home from work. Soda dropped out, but I bet ya already knew that. He's workin' at the DX fulltime with Steve. The money he brings home is the only thing that keeps Darry from gettin' a third job, but I wish they would both stop working so hard. Ya can tell its wearin' them down, but Soda always plays the happy card. Ya know how he is. Can't really face reality.

"Pony's gettin' better. After Johnny and Dally died, I thought he wouldn't ever pick himself back up. He wrote this amazin' essay for his English assignment and I think Mr. Symes - his teacher - is tryin' ta get it put in the newspaper or somethin'. It's really good and I wish ya could read it. It even brought his grade up to a B, so Darry was happy 'bout that. Otherwise, him and Steve are beginning to forget his differences and I think he's found some girl in school, but of course he won't tell us anythin' 'bout it. I wish he would. Maybe I know her.

I paused for a second. I wasn't crying but I was close to it. I took a deep breath, felt the wind on my face and looked up at the sky. I continued:

"Me? Well, I dropped out too. But for reasons different than Soda's. Mom, I'm pregnant, but it wasn't my fault. I swear. It was those damn Socs; I wish they would all just go to Hell and leave us all alone. I'm four months. Can ya believe it? I don't know what I'm doin', though. I got a job and the room's already taken care of, but what am I supposed to do when it's born? I don't know how ta raise kid and you're not here to help me. I really don't wanna have this baby and as much as I hated it before, I would love to just go back to school. What if I'm a bad mamma? What if this baby turns out to be the biggest greaser, even worse than Dally or Tim?

"I don't even know if I have the money to raise a kid. There's part of me that just wants to die from all this, but when I think about this baby and the life it could have, I stop. Could it be the best person in Tulsa and grow up to get away from all this bad stuff or will it just end up like Dally? Mom, I want ya here to help me. And Dad, you would know what to do. Why did ya leave us like this? And then ya took Johnny away from me. I don't think I can take anything else. Help me, mamma." The tears were streaming by now.

"I can't do this, daddy. Come back and take me with you. Or, just let this baby be born with a future that is promising. Please, just do something'. I can't do this on my own."


	24. Here We Go

-1**Disclaimer: To: S.E Hinton.**

**A/N: The moment you've all been waiting for! Drum roll please! It's April 21 in the story. Happy reading!**

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Checking my alarm clock, I mentally told myself to get up and walk over to the phone, but my stomach told me no right away. It was about eight in the morning and I was supposed to get up and go to work in an hour, but my stomach pain was increasing by the second. Short bursts every other minute that felt like my appendix was shooting like a volcano, but I already had my appendix taken out when I was ten. It couldn't possibly be anything like that. And it was worse whenever I tried to move. It was like I was having the worst period cramps ever.

I could hear Darry in the kitchen fixing breakfast and his big boots that he wore to work were pounding with each step he took around the house. The shower was running, meaning Soda was probably in and Pony was already off at school. It was weird this week because Darry didn't go to work until nine, but like Soda and I. Usually he leaves around eight, but they didn't need that much help, so he had been the one to get his paycheck lowered a bit. I can't say it didn't big him because he was now overly irritable and complained that he would never get to pay the bills in the early hours of the morning. I don't mind though because although Darry and I don't talk much, he's a lot more fun at night because he got an extra two hours sleep.

He was going to come in and check up on me in a few minutes because I should be already showered and dressed, getting ready to catch the bus to work. I would tell him to call my work then because there was no way I would be able to clean and serve tables in my state, when I couldn't even stand up. I was stuck, lying fatally on my bed with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling and clutch my stomach whenever an intense cramp came. Why I wasn't calling out for Darry to come now, I wasn't sure. Possibly because I didn't have the energy to, but it didn't matter - I could already hear him coming down the hall towards my room.

"Cherrytree Curtis, get outta your room 'fore I off and kill ya," Darry threatened, pounding on my door, which I had not yet opened that morning.

"Darry," I managed as loud as I could muster, which wasn't that loud because I was in so much pain, so Darry took that as a sign to open my door and begin worrying about me. "Call Milly's and tell them I won't be goin' today."

"Why?" Darry asked, immediately scooting over to my bed and feeling my forehead. He's such a worry-wart. "Ya don't have a fever."

"It's not that," I muttered. "My stomach hurts." Darry's eyes seemed to turn to a hardened look of concern at that comment and I could tell he was thinking about the baby. As much as it was going to be a burden, we all were just a little bit excited and got anxiety if anything popped up that something might be wrong. But it couldn't be that. No. It was too early.

"Do ya want me to call the doctor?" he asked and I shook my head. If I really needed it, I could call the doctor later. I may be hurting, but we were already losing money this week on top of everything else so I didn't want to have to make Soda or Darry lose work time just because I was in a little bit of pain. I could catch the bus if I really wanted to. I am a tough girl sometimes when I need to be. Sure, I break down crying at an sign of Johnny or my parents, but I can take a little bit of physical pain if I really needed to. I was a Curtis after all.

Darry left the room in search of the phone out in the living room and Soda came in soon after him. I should have known that being sick would cause the whole population of the Curtis house to come to me. It's always natural when somebody is under the weather that they get more attention that usual. With me, just because I was a girl, I got more attention that everybody. The whole pregnant thing was now always stuck over my head, too.

"Ya okay, babe?" Soda asked, sitting next to me on the bed. "Do ya want me to stay home? We know Darry can't."

"Nah," I shook my head again for my other brother. "I'll be fine. Quit ya worryin'. Ya think I would be on my death bed here."

Soda grinned at my attempt at a joke even though it really wasn't that funny. He pulled covers up until they were at my chin and then patted my blanket once, as if he had just performed a wonderful magic trick. I couldn't help by laugh a bit just by his actions, but I still clutched my round stomach in pain, wanting to just roll up like a slug and stay in bed the whole day. But I stayed straight just to talk to Soda pop a little bit longer.

"I might come down if I feel better though."

"Alright," Soda considered that. "Call and I can take one of the good cars ta come an' pick ya up."

'One of the good cars' meant some Mustang or Corvair a Soc girl had brought down to the DX just to see Soda. Usually there wasn't even anything wrong with the car, they just wanted to see my brother. I found it a little pathetic. I mean, aren't the guys on the Soc side supposed to be better than our guys? Couldn't they pick up some dropout at their own mechanic place? Soda wouldn't dare drive the car around town - he knew he would be shot if he did - but the few blocks to our house wasn't a big deal. And it was a nice ride, so we would turn a few heads of the remaining greasers not in school. Maybe I would call him later.

"Fine, don't ya gotta get ta work first?" I asked, nodding at my alarm clock and as if on cue, Darry called for Soda to hurry up. He also mentioned he called my boss for me and I turned on my side, away from Soda and brought my knees as far up to my chest as possible. It eased the pain a little bit, but it was still there and I couldn't stand it. But there was nothing else to do than just live it through.

I heard the front door open and slam back shut and soon there was the vroom of the truck starting up and I knew at once Darry was driving. Soda would have been shooting down the road like a car at a drag race. That's all life was to Soda: a drag race. You don't slow down for anything. Sometimes I wanted to tell Soda that you have to slow down, but I don't, because in all honesty, I like to go just as fast as him.

I don't know how long I just laid there, crumbled in a ball and feeling like I was about to die from all the pain in my tummy. It was coming from my pelvic area, just like the cramps from every one of my periods, but these hurt a bit worse. And they weren't constant, which was the worse part. The pain would settle and as soon as I thought I was good enough to get up, I moved my legs and it just returned. But when I glanced over at the clock and it read almost noon, I knew that I had been lying in bed long enough. Not to mention, I was getting really hungry so the stomach pains were increasing with every grumble.

My feet padded along the wooden floor out to the kitchen where I immediately turned on the stove and grabbed two eggs out of the icebox. The pain was back, but I refused to sit down, so I just tried to stand up straighter. It worked for a second because I was stretching, but it would get worse the longer I stood. This pain felt like something was moving around in my lower stomach area and just kept punching my sides. I had a very angry creature in me apparently because it did not want to stop giving me so much pain.

I ate my eggs sitting down and slumped over, hoping the pain would cease, but nothing worked. After I was done eating (I couldn't even finish my food all the way even though I was so hungry), I slowly made my way over to the couch and flipped the television on. There wasn't much on during the day on a Wednesday, but I just flipped to a channel where a commercial was playing and kept it on, throwing the remote all the way over to the other couch so I couldn't flip the channel even if I wanted to. There was no way I was going to get back up.

The day was going by so slow and I was sure that I wasn't helping it any. I could have cleaned or something to pass the time, but no, I couldn't. Instead I sat like a couch potato watching a show I had no interest in and that didn't help pass the time any. I laid there, cringing whenever a new pain came up. And then, it happened.

I felt something wet grace my underwear.

It couldn't be. I was only five months pregnant. I still had four more months to go, how could my water be breaking now? I panicked and shot up, rushing to the phone to call my doctor. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. That was the only thought I had. I read about the woman being the most calm one during labor and the man the one freaking out. That wasn't happening though. I swore I was about to get a heart attack from worrying so much. It took three rings before the doctor answered and I almost screamed into the phone that my water broke.

He must have thought I sounded kind of funny because I could hear a faint chuckle through the receiver but I didn't find my situation the least bit humorous. I was alone in the house, without a driver's license and no way to get to the hospital before this baby was going to come out of me. The doctor asked me a few questions that fit my description perfectly: menstrual like cramps, low back pain and now a pressure in my pelvic area, as if the baby was fighting to get out of me. He told me to get to the hospital right away and I quickly told him that I was by myself.

"Just call your brother," he tried to sooth. "I'm sure his boss will let him out if his sister's goin' into labor. I'll see ya soon. Relax, okay? Count to ten and breath."

Screw counting to ten, I thought. I quickly hung up on my doctor and picked up the phone again, dialing for the DX as fast as possible. My fingers slipped over the numbers so it took me over five times to get it right, but when I did, I held the phone to my ear, tapping impatiently on the arm of the couch, waiting for somebody to pick up. I was frantic to say the least and couldn't think of one coherent thing to say when they actually picked up the phone.

I couldn't call Darry because they didn't have a phone at his job since he worked outside all the time. I really wanted Soda though, so it didn't matter. Having contractions with Darry around didn't seem like how I wanted to go into labor.

Oh god. The pain came again. The baby was coming and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I had never heard of any child being born before nine months before, but I had never really read up on the subject either. What was I supposed to do now? I didn't have enough money to provide for the baby yet and I didn't even know what sex it was going to be when meant I hadn't bought any clothes. This baby was really taking after me now. Too eager to get out of wherever it was confined. I couldn't do anything about it and the only thing I could hope was that it was born healthy. Being four months early really cannot mean that it's fully developed. I wonder why my doctor didn't seem as panicked as I am.

"The DX," came the voice over the phone and I immediately sat up a little straighter.

"Steve?" I asked, talking fast. "Why are ya there?"

"It's three, Cherry, what's up? Soda said ya were sick?" Steve asked, a little bit worried.

"Where's Ponyboy?" I asked. I couldn't help but ask to know where my brother was in case he was in trouble. Not like I would have been able to help anyway. I was going into labor. I guess my mothering abilities were already kicking in for my younger brother.

"I dunno where the kid went. Probably to one of those stupid movies," Steve sounded annoyed. He really didn't care what Pony did as long as he wasn't around when he was picking up a girl. The pain came again, and I gasped a little bit, definitely alerting Steve to the reason I called.

"I need Soda," I managed to put out into the phone. I heard Steve yell into the back and tell his best buddy to hurry up and that it sounded like I was really hurt. Soda was there in a millisecond, pulling the phone out of Steve's grasp.

"Rosebush?" Soda asked into the receiver worriedly. "What's up? Are ya okay?"

"Soda, I'm gonna have the baby. I need to get to the hospital." I tried to breath evenly, but it only seemed to come out in small puffs.

"But you're not due 'til July!" he exclaimed.

"Apparently the baby doesn't care. Just get over here and take me," I breathed out, getting annoyed. Soda sounded just as anxious as I was and he quickly handed the phone to Steve. I heard him grab some keys off of the counter and rush out the door over the phone. Steve came on the line and told me that with the speed Soda's moving at, he should be at our house in the matter of five seconds. I couldn't really laugh. My stomach hurt so bad.

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_Hush little baby, don't say a word_

_Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird._


	25. Birth Day

-1**Disclaimer: S.E Hinton owns The Outsiders.**

**A/N: VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please note that I am a fourteen year old girl who doesn't plan on being pregnant any time soon, so, though I tried to make the birth as real as possible, it will have mistakes in it. Also, if some of the stuff in the story doesn't go back to the 60's, just read over it. I wrote it the only way I knew how.**

**Don't expect updates for awhile. School starts tomorrow. Ugh. :(**

**Happy reading and review please!**

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The room I was in was pretty typical for a hospital. There was one bedside table, one machine that liked to beep just so that it annoyed me and plenty of other pieces of equipment that the doctor claimed would save my life if I needed it. The walls were very ugly with just a plain flowered wallpaper and there was clipboard attached to the wall, saying that my doctor was Dr. O'Connor and I was a woman, sixteen years of age and the rest of the junk that I didn't bother to know about myself, including my blood pressure and blood type. It was a pretty usual room except for one thing: the five boys surrounding my bed.

I had been sitting in this bed for about five hours now, going through pain after pain, in a hospital gown that would show my whole back if I even thought of standing up. Darry rushed here after his work had let out, finding the note on the table explaining why I wasn't home. Steve came as soon as he was let off work and Two-Bit and Pony found the note at some other time during the day. Of course, Soda had refused to leave my side since he arrived at our house, flustered and just as panicked as I was. In time though, we had made it to the hospital and I received treatment to try and delay labor, but it wasn't working so well. The contractions were coming worse and worse and I couldn't stand to have all the guys around me, though they seemed intent on staying.

Every time I had to cringed in pain, I felt weak, but they were there. I held Soda's hand through it all. Pony was on my other side, but he dare not take my other hand. I didn't know why, but he seemed a little bit sick. I really couldn't blame him though, he was sitting in a birthing room for his own sixteen year old sister. And he's only fourteen. Hopefully everybody will join him in the waiting room while I went through this alone. It was me against the kid and so far the kid was winning. Just great. I couldn't even win a fight while the kid was in something I was supposedly able to control.

"Please guys, I'm fine," I pleaded for the millionth time laying there hopelessly. I looked at all there faces and really couldn't understand why Steve was there. Probably not to be left out in the waiting room. It sure didn't seem like he was having the time of his life. "I would rather have it if ya left. I wanna do this by myself."

"Cherry," Soda began and then seemed to cut off, not really knowing what to say. That was very unusual for Soda. He always knew the right thing to say in times like this.

"Any of us will stay, Cherry," Two-Bit tried to finish off Soda's sentence and then he glanced at Pony, grinning from ear to ear as if he thought this was all one big joke. He whispered like he was only talking to me, but everybody could hear him. "Though ya might not wanta pick Pony over there. It looks like he's gonna wet himself."

I grinned and glanced back at my youngest brother. He was pale, to say the least and now the tips of his ears were red from a faint rush of blood sneaking its way up there. He glared at Two-Bit ominously, as if he wanted to take him down right then and there. Ah. What a bunch of idiots I had in this room with me.

"You're right," I pretended to whisper back, trying to prove that I was fine so that they would just leave. "I think ol' Steve is gonna go out soon too."

Two-Bit laughed. The others grinned, but it was as if only Two-Bit and I were in on the joke. That's how most things were with Two-Bit though; only one other person ever has a clue on what he's talking about. It was fun though and lightened at least me up a bit.

"Ya know what?" Two-Bit announced to the crowd as if he was just speaking for the first time. "I think that everybody hear looks like they've just seen a Soc. I suggest a quick buzz will get everybody's mind straight again. Now, would everybody please keep in line - that's right Darry, squeeze your damn muscles in there - and wait for me outside while I find a nurse to tell me where the nearest bar in this hospital is."

Nobody moved as Two-Bit went to go out the door and he waited there impatiently, tapping his foot loudly. I was grinning because of Two-Bit but I also just wished that they would leave. Darry was looking at me with a look in his ice cold eyes that told me I was just plain crazy to want everybody to leave. Soda looked worried and unsure of what to do. He had never had to go through any of this before and he shouldn't have to. And I already explained what Steve and Pony look like, so I just wished that I could kick their hides out of here.

It took a moment for me to stop smiling and then a forceful look before they all shuffled their feet towards the door. Before closing it, Two-Bit winked at me and I mouthed a small thank you. As much as I knew that he would have wanted to stay in here as much as the others, he knew what I wanted and wouldn't deny me of it. They could come in after this baby was born. The doctor had already talked to me about what was happening. This baby was called premature and as soon as it was born, would have to be put into special care because it would be so small. Possibly only the size of my hand.

They didn't know whether or not it would live through birth or even after birth. I couldn't touch my baby at all until they were sure it was strong enough. What kind of treatment was it if a mother couldn't touch her newborn baby? All I wanted right now was for my parents and Johnny to be by me. The only thing I could hope for though was that they were watching and going to give this baby the energy it needed. And me. The energy I needed to get through this. There was just something about all this that was really getting me worked up. Why should I be worrying about this baby so much? I didn't want it even that much! I would much rather have it just disappear.

No, that wasn't true. Sure, it may have been like that a few months ago, but now - now I had an attachment to it, like I couldn't let go even if I tried. I wanted this baby to live and the idea of being a mother excited me. Sure, my social life would go down the drain, I already knew that, but I would be in charge of another human life. It excited me, I guess. There was just something that sparked an interest in me about it. I could control whether or not a kid ate candy or I could yell at her or him if they cursed. I would be in charge of the grounding instead of Darry and when it was old enough to go to school, it would brag to its best friend that they had a mom named Cherrytree and two uncles names Ponyboy and Sodapop. If she made it to school.

And what if he didn't make it? Would I really be deceived of everything I love in such a short time? I hadn't done anything to deserve this, at least not that I could remember. And it wasn't even just me who would be devastated. What about Two-Bit, who had been so cheerful about the baby that it was beginning to drive the gang nuts. He wouldn't be around as much as he had been and I would miss it. A drink would probably always be in his hand and I wouldn't even be able to look him (or any of them as a matter of fact) in the eye. It was my fault that this was happening. If I had just been sober enough to fight off all those Socs that night or if my body wasn't so weak that it needed to get rid of this baby early what would be happening now?

It was hard to say and I couldn't really honestly answer myself. Perhaps Mike would have had more of a chance and we would be coming home from a date now. I would be in school, that was a give in because being pregnant was the only reason Darry would let me drop out. I could be enjoying life perhaps and, though I would still have a big whole in my heart, I might actually be healing from Johnny. Sure, I will never ever forget or be able to get over him now, but what if I had had the chance to heal like a normal teenager? I guess I would never know. I guess nobody would ever know.

The doctor walked in with some clipboard in his hands and a small, dark haired nurse behind him. He looked worried and behind his horn-rimmed glasses there were dark blue eyes that resembled Darry's, except his showed concern and apprehensiveness. He had on an operating gown and the nurse behind him was also dressed to help out during an operation. I tensed up when I saw them, staring at me like they were expecting a bomb to explode any second. A thousand questions flooded my mind as they began to move closer and take the spots of which my friends had just inhabited. The first was: What was wrong?

"Miss Curtis," he began, but I cut him off, telling him to call me Cherry. I wanted to be completely comfortable with the full grown man who would be seeing my most private parts and having him call me 'Miss' was not going to get me there.

"Cherry," he started again. "We're goin' to have ya start pushin', okay? The baby is in position, head down, so I don't think we have much longer."

I gulped and sucked in a deep breath, knowing I wasn't ready for this. To think, in an hour or so I could have a brand new baby folded carefully in my arms.

"Do ya want me to get your brothers for ya?" the nurse asked carefully, keeping a calm voice. She didn't look to be any older than Darry and had dark brown hair that looked almost black kept in a bun at the back of her head. The wisps of hair flying to the sides said that she had had a rough day.

"Nah," I shook my head, putting on a brave face and mentally telling myself to suck it up. "I'm goin' through this alone."

The doctor gently got me into position and when the next contraction came, he told me to start pushing. I wasn't really in focus, but I registered more nurses entering the room, telling me to hold their hands (I didn't) and checking all the machines to make sure they were saying the right things. My vision was blurry and I realized I was crying, but I didn't reach up to wipe the tears away because my fists were clenched in tight balls on my side as I tried my hardest to just get the baby out of me.

Pain. That was all I was in. I had never gone through this much pain before and it made me want to just scream out loud with agony. This pain was worse than when I broke all of the fingers in my hand when I was six. I had been playing football with Darry, Pony and Soda and Darry forgot that I was just a girl whose bones were still growing. He didn't tackle me, but when I fell down onto the ground once, he ran past, too focused on the ball than anything else, and crushed my hand with his cleats (which he had insisted on wearing). I was crying for hours on end and Mom and Dad had to come rescue me from the lot, scolding Darry, who was trailing behind us, constantly going on with a different way to apologize. In fact, I think Darry falling from a forty foot building and crushing my skeleton would be more soothing than what was happening right now.

"Just one more, Cherry," Dr. O'Connor said, his head beyond my sight. And I did just one more push, full blast, holding my breath and clenching my teeth. Tiny beads of sweat dripped and swerved over my forehead. My face contorted into one that clearly showed just how much it hurt and then, just like that, it was over. The pain ceased and nothing else existed except for the tiny, muffled sound of a crying baby. I wanted to see it badly, but my body was too fatigued to even get up and look. I sat there, breathing hard, expecting my baby to be brought to me in a bundle of joys. Instead, I saw a nurse quickly rush my child out of the room.

"What is she doin'?" I cried, almost springing from the bed, but the doctor pushed me back down. They weren't taking away my baby from me. No, they couldn't. I needed that baby. I wrestled to get up, but I wasn't allowed to and soon, three other nurses were holding me down. I didn't care about the scene I was making and loud noises that emitted from my mouth. All I cared about was my baby and that I had it in my arms. I itched for the touch of a soft and chubby baby hand. My body thrashed this way and that, surely giving the nurses and the doctor bruises. I was in pain too, but I didn't care. My baby.

"It's a girl. What's the name goin' to be?" the doctor tried to distract me, but I barely heard him at all. I was too focused on the door of which they had just taken _my _daughter out of. It wasn't theirs. It was mine and at that moment, I think I was the greediest person in the world. All I wanted was that baby for myself. I didn't want anybody else to touch her except me. But my body was too tired and I couldn't keep swinging my arms and legs. Even when I settled down and lay there with my chest heaving up and down, the nurses still didn't let me go. The doctor was now holding a paper with a pen in his hand.

"Cherry, we need a name," he said. "Your brothers are comin'. I promise, she's safe and you can see her soon."

"But why can't I see her now?" I asked, taking deep breaths between each word and glaring at the doctor with the meanest look I could muster. "Why couldn't I just look at her?"

"She was premature, Cherry, surely you know that she's gonna have to be under careful medical watch or else - ," O'Connor explained, cutting off the last part. "The nurse took her to the room which you will see her later. But now, we need a name."

My baby was okay. That was the only thing that registered in my mind. I knew a name to give, but I needed to see my brothers first. The doctor said they were coming, but how long would that take? I needed them now. I pressed deeper into my pillow and stared at the ceiling and the doctor, who realized he wasn't going to get an answer from me, gently put down the paper and left the room, leaving the nurses to care for me. I was offered water, tea, you name it, but I didn't take any of it. I just wanted her. That was it.

At that moment, the door to the room opened and closed for the billionth time that day and in came Darry, Soda and Pony, who all looked like they were about to pass out. Darry wasn't strutting, showing off his muscles like he usually did. Soda was just about hopping like a kangaroo over to the bed and Pony took in the room before doing anything. He seemed to look anywhere but at me until all three of them reached the bed. Then he took in the sight of me and I realized that he was probably still afraid of hospitals. The last time he had been conscious in one, his best friend had died.

"Where is she?" Soda asked. Apparently the doctor had told them it was a girl.

"Are ya okay?" Darry asked at the same time, looking my up and down. I bet I looked like I had just run one of Pony's track meets. Pony didn't say anything and just stared at me. He didn't talk much anyway.

"They took her ta another room," I said, still feeling my cheeks tickle from tears. "I wanna see her." I couldn't explain why she was there because I hadn't paid attention to the doctor, but I did know I needed to get up now. Darry instantly turned and went to find the doctor. While he was gone, we didn't talk and the only sound that was heard was the tick-tock of the clock on the wall. Even Soda couldn't get out the right words to say. My thoughts turned quickly to Steve and Two-Bit and knew that at least the latter was probably jumping off the walls in excitement. The former was probably worried, but not saying anything about it. Steve believed deeply in the Greaser "stay cool" theory.

"Ya have ta change first and then ya have ta be wheel-chaired over there," Darry said, coming back into the room and then ushering Pony and Soda out so I could get dressed in the only pair of clothes I had there, the ones I had come in in. It felt good to feel my stomach back to almost normal size again. I had some fat hanging on that hadn't been there five months ago, but I didn't care. The blimp was gone. And then, I rushed to the door, where Soda, Pony, Darry and now Two-Bit and Steve were waiting for me. There was a wheelchair and a nurse out there too and I quickly sat down, too eager to see my baby girl to care that I should have argued to walk by myself.

It seemed like I was taking a trip to Florida and walking the whole way there. It took too long and we stopped too many times. Too many corners were went around and too many people were watching the large group walk down the hall. I wondered if any watchers were wondering whether all of the five boys behind me all thought they were the father. They sure did look like an intimidating bunch though, so nobody dared to question us. Two-Bit was right behind the nurse, cracking all sorts of jokes that she was so slow. I laughed at all of them only absently. The prize was too near. I could feel it and that's all I wanted.

We reached a room with a big glass window in the front that visitors could peep in at. I didn't look in though because the door was already being opened and closed and soon I was the one being peeped at. Everybody except for Sodapop had stayed outside to look in at us. I wondered if they had planned that beforehand or something, but Soda reached down and took my hand supportively as we kind of just stood there for a second. I took in the room and, let me tell you, it wasn't anything like I expected it to be.

There was baby rattle wallpaper aligning the wall and the carpet was a pale blue, like you were walking on water. But that was the only thing really normal about the room. Plastic boxes were spaced out about six feet apart, leaving room for only about ten in the room. Rocking chairs were placed in each 'station' with a small blanket draped over the back of each one. But what really interested me the most was the boxes. Tubes and wires were hooked up to them and some of the junk seemed to actually be going inside of it. Four holes were placed on the longer sides that were like little doors. There was a latch that you could unhook if you wanted to place your hands in. But the most fascinating that was that there were actually babies inside of those things. My baby was inside one of those things.

The nurse wheeled me over to one box on the far side of the room, placed in the corner and then helped me up so I could look in myself. What I saw almost made me turn away.

My daughter was so small. She was probably only the size of Darry's hand. Her skin was red and a small diaper was placed around her lower half, but except for that, she was completely bare. She was on top of just a plain white sheet, no other blankets were around to keep her warm. The worst part was that there were a million and one tubes and wires hooked up to her. They came out of her nose and were attached to her chest. It was horrible. And then she opened her eyes to look up at me for the first time. I will never forget that look coming from exact replicas of my own eyes. They sent a signal for me to help her, but I couldn't. What was I supposed to do?

Soda had his arms wrapped around my and the side of my head was against his chest, but I couldn't take my eyes off of my daughter. She was so small and fragile. How could something like this even be allowed into the world? Why was I constantly thrown the bad hand? Hadn't my parents been listening to me last month in the cemetery? Soda gently rubbed my back as he, too, stared at the tiny bundle that I had carried with me for five short months.

"Cherry?" the nurse was asking calmly and I wondered how many of these babies she saw in a day. The whole room was filled with them and for the first time, I realized that other parents were around, looking in at their child. I only slightly looked at the nurse before she continued. "Do ya have a name?"

I swallowed briefly. "Olivia - Olivia Curtis," I got out loud enough for her to hear me.

"Middle name?" the nurse asked again. I carefully looked at my baby again, stepped forward a little bit and placed my hand on top of the incubator. Soda was there steadying me, making sure nothing would happen.

"Jonathan," I gathered myself to say. "Olivia Jonathan Curtis."

_-----_

_And if that mockingbird don't sing,_

_Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring._


	26. Emotionally Dead

**Disclaimer: S.E Hinton owns The Outsiders.**

**A/N: I hope everybody realizes this story is getting down to its final straw. About four chapters left now. **

**And this chapter goes out to Yusuke'sSister, who I wish will be granted with a million plot bunnies. Good luck:o)**

**Happy reading! Review criticism? **

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Day in. Day out. I was losing my mind. The doctor said Olivia wasn't near ready to go home yet and it had been a week and I still hadn't left my daughter's side. I slept and ate in the rocking chair beside the incubator and barely ever went to the bathroom. Darry brought me a suitcase full of clothes and I showered every other day in the bathroom sink. With the new clothes, I didn't smell that bad, but I had a feeling if I didn't reach a shower soon, I would begin to offend people as I walked down the hall.

I stared at the other parents with their children. To me, they didn't seem like an emotional wreck like I was. None of their eyes had big purple bags underneath them and they were all older than twenty-five. I suppose that had no need to be as tired as I was though. They could switch on and off during the day and night and get some rest in between. I was alone. Sure, the gang always told me to go home, but I never listened. Would you leave your weak daughter all alone? Usually, at least one of the gang was by me, but now was one of the rare times I was actually by myself. It was in the middle of the day and I was used to having nobody with me during this time. Everybody was either working or at school, though sometimes Two-Bit skipped and came here with me. I didn't mind being alone, though. It gave me a chance to talk to Olivia by myself.

I didn't talk to her about important stuff most of the time. It wasn't like she was listening anyway, I just noticed that her face seemed to get calmer whenever I talked. So far, I made up stories with princes and princesses and told her all about her Uncles. I even told her about Johnny one afternoon when I had about five hours alone. That took up almost all that time. I called Johnny daddy, even though he wasn't. I sure wasn't going to let that Soc be her dad and I know Johnny would have stepped up to the job. He wouldn't have any clue what to do, but he would try. Actually, I always had an inkling that Johnny would be good with kids. He was also nice, even if he didn't mean to be and the only times he fought was when he knew he had to fight back. He never went around looking for fights. It was just the greaser way that they came to him.

Olivia moved a bit under all the wires and tubes she was attached to, waking up after sleeping for the past two hours. She was a light sleeper and almost always woke up every hour or two. She also already had black fuzz growing on top of her head. After seeing that Soc while shopping during Christmas time, I realized that she had his hair color. To me, she actually looked like a baby Johnny, with my brown eyes and the black hair. She really could have been mistaken as being Johnny's daughter at this part of her life. But, she could be, because Johnny and I had - well, you know. We never went past kissing, so…she couldn't be. But I loved the fact she looked like him; it gave me a sense that he was right here with me. At the same time though, it sort of scared me. Olivia was in the same position Johnny was the last time I saw him. I hoped it didn't end up the same way.

Now that I got to interact with my daughter, I realized that it would kill me if she died. I could notice she was growing a little bit stronger though. Every time I stuck my hand in the little slots, she would grab onto my pinky finger and squeeze a little. At first, I could barely feel it, but now, as the days progressed, she could squeeze harder. Soon, the doctor said, she would be able to leave a little white mark on my pinky where the blood had been. He said it was a positive sign.

"Hey little 'Livia," I heard the voice behind me and jumped a bit. The last time I checked, it was only about one o'clock and that had been - I glanced up at the clock - only eight seconds ago. I turned around, confused. Two-Bit and Pony were standing behind me, carefully walking up and looking in at their niece. Pony was carrying a few books in his arms, which he set down under my chair. Two-Bit took a brown bag he was holding and handed it over to me. Lunch.

"What are ya doin' here?" I asked cautiously, careful not to wake up the other babies or disturb other worried parents. I opened up the brown bag and took out a cheeseburger they must have picked up at the Dairy Queen. I chomped the first bite. I was starving and hadn't eaten anything since last night when Darry brought me up dinner. Soda had had to rush out this morning and couldn't get me breakfast.

"Well, I was wonderin' down the halls, on my way ta meet with the boss," Two-Bit liked to call the principle the boss from time to time, "and saw Pony here walkin' to the bathroom. So, I grabbed him and we left."

"I was in study hall," Pony explained after I gave him a warning look. If Darry knew he was cutting classes, we would all be dead. Especially if we were in crossfire of all the yelling. I nodded, enjoying the burger that was already half cold, but it still tasted like a four star meal. The hospital food really sucks here. It's like its all fake or something. "How's she?" Pony nodded toward Olivia who was looking up at us with wide eyes.

"Okay," I answered quietly, staring at my daughter. I tended to do that a lot now - stare at her I mean. She was just so small and fragile and I had never imagined a human being to be that way before. It was all just so surreal and nobody quite understood what I was going through. I was changing and I knew it - in fact, all of the gang knew it. But it was like the quiet game, nobody spoke about it. I didn't joke around and whenever something funny came up, I barely even cracked a smile. How could I laugh when something I made was suffering? I put her through this, didn't I? I didn't have the right to fool around anymore…whatever it was, there was only one way to explain it: I was now lower than Soda on the innocent scale.

I turned mature, something that a greaser isn't allowed to be. There was no immature bone in my body that I could find. Everybody liked to think that maybe my funny bone was still working, but I was slowly disappearing into the world of adults, one feared by almost everybody under twenty on the East side of town. I was becoming a Darry, just not as loud. But worst of all: I was barely a greaser nowadays.

Greaser is a word that signifies the kids on our side of town: underprivileged and hoodlums. The boys slicked back their hair with too much hair grease that usually made its way down to your face and the girls wore too much make-up and their hair was almost always in knots. We wore worn out clothes and didn't care much for rules. Only a few of us were attached by love and the rest were attached by hate. We were jumped and were always thrown the bad hand. Most of all…real greasers like Tim Shepard didn't show emotion during tough times. Two-Bit was a real greaser - he hasn't cried in years and neither has Steve. They care and would do anything to save Olivia, but that doesn't mean that they actually have the feelings to drive them forward. They don't feel adrenaline pulsing in their veins unless we go into a rumble and usually that isn't real adrenaline. It's just hate in disguise.

Ponyboy isn't a real greaser and neither is Soda. Darry isn't, we all know that. I don't think anybody is a _real_greaser. We're defined mostly by our looks. Well, what if Dally had walked around in a suit and tie? Would he still be a greaser because he liked to steal cigarettes instead of buy them? He cried when Johnny died, perhaps the only time in his life when he let his emotions run around like a wild mustang. Look what happened then. Emotions sure seemed like a surefire way to get yourself killed: emotionally or physically.

I'm dead inside emotionally. I think about things a sixteen year old should never have cross their mind. For the first time yesterday, I looked at the front page of a newspaper and wondered who would win the election. One guy was short and fat, the other tall and lean. I read the article and the short one seemed like the one with the best priorities - thus the one I would vote for - but when I looked at the percentages, the tall, good-looking one was winning. I guess looks wasn't just the main factor in Tulsa. Your looks carry you through life and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

"Cherry, why don't ya go home?" Pony asked, drawing me back into the real world, that now wasn't too far off from my imagination. "Me and Two-Bit'll stay here and ya can get some rest."

"Yeah, it's rainin' so I'll drive ya and then come right back," Two-Bit offered. It was raining? There was a window on the other side of the nursery, but I rarely looked out of it. I looked back and, sure enough, there was lightning lighting up the sky every five seconds. Water was falling in large torrents, but the wind didn't seem too bad. No tornado weather at least.

"Nah, I'll stay here," I said, staring back at Olivia. "Ya guys can go though. I'll be fine loning it." I opened the slot and stuck my hand through the hole, taking Olivia's small hand in between two of my fingers. She was like one of my rag dolls I had when I was little, so flimsy and would move any which way you put her, even if it wasn't a healthy position.

"Come on, Cherry, Soda's gettin' out of work soon, so ya can spend a little time there, eat dinner maybe," Pony tried to convince me. I still shook my head and let go of my daughter as if I had been shocked. I carefully closed the door though and looked back at my friends.

"I think I'm just gonna go to the bathroom," I said, getting up and leaving the nursery. I walked past a few incubators on the way out that had babies that were leaving in a few days. One of them was actually named Cassandra and her parents had come over to talk to me a few times. They were nice and gave me company when they saw me by myself during the day. Cassandra - of Cassie, as they liked to call her - had been just like Olivia. At least that was what it sounded like. But now she was strong enough to go home and live in freedom. I smiled without using any teeth as I went past them and out the door.

The hall ways were very plain and doctors were rushing past me every which way. Other kids were out in the hall, but it was their mothers that were giving birth, not themselves. They didn't know what I was doing there because it looked like I didn't belong and I knew that. But as I walked down the hall, I kept my eyes forward and to myself. There were Socs walking around even though they probably wouldn't start anything in the birthing ward of the hospital, I still didn't feel like egging them on.

I walked past the bathroom and down the stairs with my eyes set straight ahead. Since I was little, I always enjoyed going out in the rain and all though it was a very bad thunderstorm, I needed to get out for awhile. My feet took me past a bunch of people without giving them a second glance and soon I was standing at the door to head outside. I pushed hard because the door didn't budge the first time I just absently pushed it. Soon the sound of running people and millions of raindrops hitting the ground filled my ear. The thunder pounded in the distance and it was like the lightning was even whispering in my ears, trying to tell me the secret of life without succeeding.

I stepped out into the rain and let the droplets drip down my face and arms. My hair was drenched in a matter of seconds as I walked slowly down the sidewalk, trying to find a place where not a lot of people were at. It wasn't hard because nobody in their right mind was outside right now as the wind whipped back and forth, pushing the trees to do their own little dance. I sat Indian style in the middle of sidewalk where I had a clear view of whoever walked up and the cars that pulled into the parking lot. I couldn't even begin to explain how everything outside seemed so new - so _fresh_. It was like everything in Tulsa was trying to be erased with the waves of rain crashing down, but when everything was done and settled, it would all just turn into the same old mess it had already been. Social against Greaser. Greaser versus Soc. It would never change, even when Olivia was out of the hospital and in kindergarten - yes, I said out of the hospital…I refuse to think she may die.

And just like that, it was like I was being taken back in time to when I was a kid with Mom and Dad and it made me wonder what they thought of me at this moment. They're probably just thinking that I'm a total failure who isn't fit to raise Olivia. They were killing her. They were the reason that she was in there, too early to see the world at its greatest. Perhaps they wished that she would die so I could go back to living like a normal teenager. Didn't they know that I would die of sorrow if she went?

My body sprawled backwards and I was lying on the sidewalk, staring at the sky, watching the lightning streak down from the clouds, partly wishing that it would come down and take me. I couldn't take anymore of this. I _would _kill myself if Olivia died and I wouldn't care about anything else. I loved the gang, but even they wouldn't be able to fix the hole in my heart. There's nothing like the relationship between a mother and her daughter. Even though we can barely communicate, I know she loves me just as much as I love her. It was inevitable how much we were connected. I couldn't believe that something could ever make me feel so good after Johnny, but every time I looked into her eyes, I felt something strong. Just as strong as the currents that passed through me whenever my lips had met with Johnny's.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to go back into the place where so many people died every minute. I may have dozed off - I haven't gotten sleep in days - but the next thing I knew, a hand was shaking my shoulder, trying to get me up. Perhaps they thought I was dead because I was laying so still. The rain was still coming and now it probably looked like I had just gotten out of a pool. But I opened my eyes and saw Darry staring down at me worriedly.

"Come on," he tried to pick up my arm to get me up, but I stayed put, not wanting to leave just yet. "You're gonna get sick."

I shook my head violently and let myself weight to the ground, but knowing that if he tried, Darry would be able to carry me inside. He seemed surprised at me being out here, but was it really that surprising? I had been on the verge of breaking for so long that something had to happen soon and everybody knew it. It seemed like my big brother didn't know what to do. He was now soaked to the bone as he stood over me, and just like that, without any type of arguing or complaining, he got down on his knees and then laid down right next to me. We both looked up at the sky, for once in perfect harmony with the other. We blinked whenever a rain drop came too close to our eyes and occasionally wiped some away from our face.

For once, I was glad it was Darry who had found me. Soda would have pulled me inside while trying to tell me it would be okay and Pony would have just kept annoying me until I went inside. Two-Bit would have picked me up and Steve would have dragged me inside by my jean legs. But Darry partly knew what I was going through. He had been thrown into parenthood way too early in life too and knew that only one thing could take away the pain for a little. And that was to know that somebody else was suffering with you.

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_And if that diamond ring turns brass,_

_Mama's going to buy you a looking glass._

_And if that looking glass gets broke,_

_Mama's going to buy you a billy goat._


	27. Nothing is Worse than This

-1**Disclaimer: S.E Hinton owns.**

**A/N: Two chapters left after this one and I know exactly what I want to do! So that means 29 chapters in all… Constructive criticism anyone?**

**Happy reading and reviews are welcomed with open arms!**

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Time flew by and time stopped short. Every breath was just like a ticking bomb - one less second to breath. I slept and woke up and laughed when a joke was told. I talked when talked to and ate when I was hungry. But that was as far as my life went. The gang came and went, pretending like I was still part of the circle, but knowing that a whole other life was being led away from the confined rooms of the hospital's baby ward. Olivia grew a bit everyday and after two months of intense care, she was just a few inches short of a regular baby. Maybe one day soon we would both be able to leave and start a life. A real life. Like the one I used to have.

I was home for about an hour every week, but besides that, my friends were the nurses and other distressed parents. The cafeteria was my Dingo and the family room was my lot. Coffee was my energy source and a real shower was out of the question. My best friend's name was Olivia and she knew everything about me. I hoped I wasn't boring her with my long stories and pointless tales. After saying everything aloud, I realized my life was pretty boring, compared to somebody like Ponyboy. I had the average tale…fell in love and then he tragically died, what every book on the shelf said, except mine was real. Perhaps Olivia wouldn't care for books when she got older just because I already had given her one of the most overused plots in Hollywood. No, I don't think Pony would let Olivia hate books. He had already brought in a bunch of kiddy fairytales and read them to her. There was never much reaction out of her, but the doctor said that was normal. She only ever laughed once and it wasn't a real laugh either. It was sort of like a cough gone haywire.

I was sitting in the cafeteria now, watching people walk by; some in wheelchairs, others having big oxygen tanks attached to them and more than often, just regular people visiting some sick friend or family member. Soda and Steve were up in the room with Olivia and probably picking on some of the other parents. Steve didn't come by too much anymore, though Soda was here every day. I figured Steve had a life with Evie and everybody else. He still got to go to all the parties at Buck's and enjoy the thrill of a drag race. And I was sort of glad he didn't revolve his life around my boring one. Soda, on the other hand, worked and then came right here for about five hours afterwards. I suppose Steve just got pulled along today. I couldn't blame ol' Steve though because this routine was getting a little monotonous even to myself.

I chewed on the rubbery piece of salad absently, having already shut off my taste buds to the taste of hospital food. My life was in one big hole and I couldn't get out of it anymore. I missed the feel of sunburn and just the itchy feeling of grass when you're tackled while playing football. The baseball field came into my mind almost everyday and I wanted to just pick up a bat and glove and start playing. I missed the feel of the seams and how my arm always seemed to be torn from it's socket after pitching to all of the guys. I had always tried to throw as hard as I could, just to strike them out. I knew that I didn't have muscles like Darry's in my arms, but I did manage to throw three strikes once in awhile.

I related this whole ordeal to a baseball game. Getting pregnant was like shaking hands with the captain of your rivals. Finding out I was pregnant was like the first pitch of the game - except this pitch was a blow right into the batter's gut. And then those terrible five months were the six innings in between the start of the game. Now I was in the seventh inning stretch, tied with the team in the championship game. Olivia was up to bat and I was cheering her on from the sidelines, feeling the nervousness from the both of us. And there was her real dad - the damn Soc - up at the pitcher's mound, not giving her any grief at all, ready to throw the best pitch of his life. To hell if I was going to let my daughter strike out and lose the game after all this time.

Crumbling up my plate and getting up from my table in the corner of the room, I walked over to the garbage and emptied everything into there. I turned around and walked silently back up the stairs and through the hallways towards my darling baby girl. As I walked, I heard cries of despair, words of encouragement and yelling, lots and lots of yelling and I knew why they were yelling. As soon as you walked into this hospital it was like they handed you a little brown paper bag full of stress and on the label it said 'Open at the Worst Possible Time'. I already opened mine, if you hadn't noticed by now. The stress had flown out of the bag and was wrapping around me like a snake around its prey. I was the little mouse that has its eye's popped out. I know, it's gross, but it's exactly how I feel.

Soda and Steve were in the ward like I had left them and Soda seemed to be playing some type of peek-a-boo game with Olivia. It was the kind babies thoroughly enjoyed: where you stuck your hands in front of your face and then took them away, as if just magically reappearing. I wish it was that easy to disappear. If it was, I would be putting my hands in front of my eyes all the time, just going away fro everything for awhile.

"Hey Cherry," Soda greeted enthusiastically once he saw me creep up. Steve moved from the rocking chair so I could sit down, but I stayed standing and walked over to the incubator and grazed my fingers over the plastic above my baby. Olivia now took up double the sheet that she had when she first arrived. She was staring blankly up at Soda and I, probably having just woken up because she was sleeping when I left. I slipped my hand into the box and rubbed it over her hairless head.

"Hey, Soda," I said, there wasn't much tone in my voice that said I was actually glad to see him, but I sincerely was. "Thanks for comin', Steve." Steve nodded slightly at my acknowledgment and then went back to sitting in the chair when he realized I wasn't going to.

"How's life?" I asked bravely, having not really ever mention anything about the outside world.

Soda pondered my question for awhile before answering, as if I had asked some hard algebra problem. "Fine I guess." He paused for a little bit. "Mike came by the DX the other day."

I sort of froze and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Steve stir and give Soda a strange look. They probably had voted on not telling me about him. It wasn't like I wanted him back in my life, but sometimes I caught myself wondering a little too long where he was at the time or if he was ever going to buy me a new ketchup bottle. It wasn't anything serious, just curious, I guess. I did have a dream the other night that Johnny and Mike had battled it out, but hadn't stayed awake long enough to see the outcome.

That dreamed sort of scared me because I rarely have dreams about Johnny. I think, after all this time, I only had a dream twice, excluding the other night. And they weren't really dreams even, just sort of memories of the whole gang enjoying living together. There was one dream from before we got together and another from after. I woke up to the after one pretty happy the first time I had it, but why shouldn't I? It gave me the pleasure of my boyfriend again, though nothing could replace his warm touch.

"Oh," I pretended to sound like nothing was bothering me. "What did he want?"

"Ya should really stay away from him, Cherry," Steve said out of the blue. He usually didn't give me advice on how to lead my personal life. "He wasn't right - high or somethin'."

I looked at Soda, and he nodded sympathetically. In all the time I had known Mike, I had never seen him without Tyler or boozed up. "He was askin' for ya and the baby."

"We had to beat him down after Soda said where ya were," Steve told the story as if it was the most interesting thing that had happened in his life. "He was 'bout ta come here for ya. Actually bit me, little -" Steve continued to curse Mike out as I stared at Olivia.

What would he have done if Soda and Steve hadn't brought him down? Would he have come here drunk and taken a swing at me? Or would he be all goofy and try to kiss my a million times with those kisses that felt nothing like Johnny's.

"His mom came in after 'bout an hour or two, screamin' his name, but he had already passed out on the ground," Soda said. "Ya should have seen his kid brother - absolutely terrified."

I thought of a Tyler trying to trail behind his big brother, but being slapped back down to the ground after taking just a few steps. I didn't know what could have possibly been going through Mike's mind as he picked up that bottle. I could picture it perfectly, though, as if I had already seen a beat up Mike handling the dusty beer bottle and bringing the whole thing to his lips. Then after he chugged down all the alcohol, he threw the glass against the wall of Tyler's room, and running out of the house. And the worst part was, every time I imagined that scene, he always was muttering the name "Cherry".

"Forget 'bout it, Cherry," Soda pleaded, looking at me the weirdest way I had ever seen his face look like. "Ya seen Two-Bit when he's really messed up and he always does some stupid stuff. Mike was no different. Don't ya worry 'bout it, 'kay?"

I nodded numbly and looked at my daughter again, scared out of my mind about what could have happened to her if Mike had shown up. I just wanted the thought to disappear and it did as soon as Pony and Two-Bit walked into the room. I hadn't had this many people here together in awhile, and to think that Darry had just gotten out of work and was probably driving here from work now. The thought of an empty house scared me. The Curtis house was never empty in all my years of living there. Sure, a few times only the rats were left behind, but somebody always ended up walking in after a few minutes. My house was like dependent on all of us being there. It probably wouldn't still be standing if the gang didn't come and go.

"Hey, Cherry," both Two-Bit and Pony said at the same time and they both took a glance in at Olivia. They both seemed kind of down and I looked at the door, jokingly checking to see if some type of force was held over it. That was when I saw Darry and my doctor conversing outside and neither looked the least bit happy. In fact, Darry had kind of been in a good mood since that one day out in the thunderstorm. It was like we had come to an understanding with each other now and every time I saw him, I didn't actually wish that he was Soda or Pony. But now, the look on his face looked like he was about to punch the doctor's lights out. I quickly stepped away from the group and basically charged at the door like a bull running towards a red bandana. I opened the door and both of the adults outside stopped short in their sentence.

"Hey, Cherry," Darry said solemnly, not looking me directly in the eyes, but instead glancing at the doctor and I saw a silent war fought between them, and for once, my brother lost. He sighed and then pulled me a little bit towards him and I saw the doctor turn and walk away.

"Darry," I started, instantly getting panicky at the look on my big brother's face. "What's goin' on?"

"Cherry," he began carefully, as if trying to pick out the most fragile words in the English language. "Uh - one of Olivia's tests - uh - her heart rate isn't normal and the doctor - well - Dr. O'Connor wants to -" I stared at him expectantly, wanting to know everything and I didn't quite understand what kind of sick joke Darry was playing before I realized he wasn't joking around when he finally spit out the last sentence. "He wants ta turn off the machine. There's only thirty percent chance of her livin'."

I was at a lost for words and just kind of stood there, dumbstruck, until something clicked in my mind. I brought back one fist and then the other, having each one collide with Darry's washboard chest repeatedly. No. They weren't taking Olivia away from me. She was my baby girl - the new love of my life. I needed her. How could God be so cruel to me? My fists moved faster and faster, but Darry didn't seem to make a move to stop me, and that made me even madder. I punched harder than I had ever done before with tears running down my cheek faster than the current in the Nile River.

Soon, I felt all of the gang around me, probably ready to save Darry from my wrath, though I doubted I was doing much damage. I was so weak from being in the hospital for so long that I probably couldn't even hurt a five year old. And then I was enveloped as if a straight jacket was around me. I broke and completely fell uselessly into the chest of whoever had caught me. It didn't feel like Soda and for the first time ever, I think it was actually Pony who had grabbed a hold of me when I needed it. I couldn't take anymore of this. I just wanted to die right then and there.

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_And if that billy goat won't pull,_

_Mama's going to buy you a cart and bull._

_And if that cart and bull turn over,_

_Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover._


	28. The Last Pitch of the Game

-1**Disclaimer: S.E Hinton owns anything associated with the Outsiders.**

**A/N: One chapter left to go! Happy reading!**

**Constructive criticism anybody? Reviews are appreciated!**

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Everywhere I turned, somebody was touching me. Either in a hug, or simply having their hand graced on top of my own, I was never alone. It was now about four o'clock in the morning and I was finally the only one conscious. Darry, Pony, Soda, Two-Bit and even Steve hadn't left my side once since earlier in the afternoon when I heard of my daughter's fate. She could live or die. That was the simple way of putting it, but it was far more complicated than that. I mean, on an average day, a normal person could either live or die. You never really know what's coming - whether a car accident will take your life right away or something will take place and your life will be in danger for days like Johnny. Or you could be taken out by choice like Dally.

I wasn't sure what Olivia wanted to do. Honestly, though the doctor said something was wrong with her, I couldn't tell any negative differences in her behavior. She acted like I would expect any baby to act, but if I could ask her what she wanted, I would. If, for some strange reason, she wanted to suffer and stay on her life support, then I wouldn't have Darry sign the paper. Yes, though she was my daughter, Darry was technically legally responsible for us both, meaning he had to sign all her papers except, of course, the Birth Certificate, that might not even matter anymore in a few hours. Seven hours and counting down until the could-be end of my daughters very very short life. At nine o'clock this morning, I would be forced to pull the plug. I had to flip the switch that could kill my daughter. I could have made the doctor do it, but it was my fault she was in this world to begin with. I brought her in, so I was going to take her out the most peaceful way I could.

I got up from my rocking chair that had small scratch marks on the arms from me being bored during the day and took the few steps over to Olivia. She was laying there, with her eyes examining the sides of the box, gurgling happily, having no idea in the world what was going on. It wasn't fair. All these people around her had heard the vroom of a car or the touch of rain splashing over your body. When I'm back home, I will never take for granted the simple things in life and if I'm ever asked why I turned into a Ponyboy, I'll just grin like I have my own little secret and say my daughter taught me. And nobody would know what I was talking about if Olivia didn't live because soon after all of this, everybody would forget I had even been pregnant. The only people who might still remember were the gang, but it would be in my mind everyday. Haunting my very existence.

"Hey, Olivia," I whispered softly, reaching my hand into the incubator, touching Olivia's bare stomach softly. "Ya should have told me ya were sick, ya know I would have helped ya. We're greasers and we don't let each other down. Please, come through for me, Liv. It's not like a greaser to give up on one another and I'm not gonna let ya die. Ya hear that? I'm not gonna let ya die."

Olivia gurgle away happily on some spit in her mouth and looked at me with eyes that replicated my own and the black hair that made her look like Johnny. It was getting curlier now, though and you could tell it was going to be hard to handle in the future…if she had a future. I couldn't believe that I might have a longer life than my own daughter…my own flesh and blood. A Curtis none the less. But I guess that doesn't matter in the end. Pony and I were always brought along because we were Curtis', same as Soda and Darry, who had somewhere along the line, proven themselves greaser enough to take over the non-greasiness of their siblings. I said before that Pony and I aren't much greasers and that really shows now: in a time of crisis. I was a greaser before, even if I could never match up to Steve or Two-Bit, but now…now I wasn't one at all. Not one bit and I wondered about it all the time.

Would Johnny still love me if I wasn't a greaser? Does he love Olivia all though she really isn't his and does he mind being called 'dad'? I suppose Johnny was afraid of any word meaning father. His own dad beat him and my papa passed away, the only other father figure in his life. I wondered whether or not he ever dreamed of becoming a father one day. Or, more importantly, if he planned on becoming a father to one of my kids. I wanted kids since I was little, always taking care of my dolls or having a funeral if Darry ripped one of their heads off. Sure, having your kid's head ripped off isn't good parenting, but what can I say? I was two. At least I understood that there wasn't anything you could do to bring people back from the dead and didn't go begging my mother to sew it back together. I buried the body in the ground and I suppose my dad went back out later and dug it back up because I always buried my dolls in the exact same spot (Darry ripped a lot of heads back in the day. I'm happy to say he's nicer nowadays).

I ran my fingers down Olivia's body, trying to get into the feel of her in case I never really got to hold her in my arms. I could still remember her exact body features just like I still could with Johnny. It was amazing how I could still identify Johnny's body parts even though he wasn't here. If I ever touched a hand as rough as his, I would know right away. It was great and I planned to do the same thing with my daughter.

"I love you," I said sincerely, lying my head on the plastic over top of my Olivia. She looked up at me, with a happy gleam in her eyes. I heard somebody stir behind me and the next thing I knew, Two-Bit was sliding my rocking chair up beside me, taking a seat. He had kept word to my ranting and hadn't come in here with one hint of alcohol on his breath. I was very proud of him, because that meant he didn't drink much. He was in here almost everyday. It was sort of strange to think about because he had almost always had a drink in his hand (even if it wasn't being actually drank) whenever I saw him. Two-Bit was really smart, believe it or not, and had a lot of determination.

"Can't sleep?" he asked, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. Not that I cared much what he looked like because I had already seen him in much worse conditions. Two-Bit was the kind that looked miserable one moment, but at least cleaned up the next. Greasers don't get much farther than just 'cleaned up'. We don't have enough money to go to fully groomed unless it's an extremely special case.

"Yeah," I answered, still staring down at Olivia, with one hand left in the incubator, circling Olivia's toes. They were tiny and chubby and really just felt like little french fries. "Too worried."

"I think we all are," Two-Bit answered. I was waiting for him to make a joke, but we both just stared down at the baby with not much to say. Two-Bit's specialty was to take a practical situation and make it funny. But nothing was funny about this. Nothing funny at all could come out of losing a child unless you're a very sick minded person. And if you are, you don't even deserve to be blessed with the feeling of a child to begin with. It's the most incredible feeling ever and nothing could possibly take its place in my mind and heart.

"I know ya'll are, but it's just different. Ya don't really know what I feel. _I'm _the mother," I cried softly to a Two-Bit who sat waiting patiently for me to finish. I really didn't think he expected me to play tough girl right now and I honestly couldn't even if I wanted to. "This is my fault."

Two-Bit scrunched his eyebrows together and looked at my incredulously. "No it's not. Ya did the best ya could." It was an odd thing to say to a woman who had been caring for a child since it was first made, but I didn't understand what my friends said sometimes. But did I really do the best I could? I mean, I hadn't wanted Olivia to begin with and maybe something in my mind during those crazy months of pregnancy bliss, I had done something incredibly stupid to my baby that had made her this way. Perhaps I was the one who should be blamed for all of this. No, I knew I was.

"But it wasn't really enough, was it?" I asked stupidly. "What's gonna happen after all of this?" I imagined myself asking Johnny all these questions and what his answers might have been. They might have been as clueless as the person asking the questions was, but at least I would have had him here, right next to me as I went through all of this. That was the only thing I wanted to ask for that I knew I could never get back.

"What's gonna happen after all of this?" Two-Bit repeated my question and thought for a second. "Well, we're either gonna go home and ya can finally go ta The Dingo whenever ya went an' not have ta worry about a baby anymore. And the other option is we go home, ya have a baby strapped to ya hip and all of the gang will be there to help change diapers. Pretty simple, eh?"

"I wish," I sighed, staring weakly into the incubator. "It's really not that simple. Olivia is my life, ya know that, don't ya?"

"I've seen the way ya take care of her and all, but is she really your whole life? What 'bout me? Or am I just a piece of dirt now?" Two-Bit cracked a grin at a feeble attempt to make me laugh, but I looked forcefully away.

"No, it's just - I can't really explain it at all," I tried to form into words the way it felt to be a mother and have to worry about not only yourself, but another human life all the time. There was nobody else there who you could share your worries with without being judged just by what you said. And it wasn't even that I cared what they thought of me. It was what they thought of Olivia that really tickled my insides. I couldn't care less what anybody thought of me as long as no crap was said about my daughter. There was no reason to judge her now, when she had barely seen daylight for more than two and a half months. I wondered if people talked about me outside of this wretched hospital and what they said. Nobody had stopped by besides the gang unless it was Mrs. Matthews, who tried her hardest to try to comfort me, saying that no baby could be as worrisome as Two-Bit himself had been, but I didn't really agree. I doubt even my friend had been even half as bad for Mrs. Matthews. Two-Bit had had a dad when he had been born and no matter the reason he had left a few years after that, I'm sure that he had at least been there to help. I had no father figure for Olivia and that was the toughest part of all.

The sun was already beginning to come up, I noticed when I looked out the window. It had the perfect view of the sunrise, with all the swirling gold mists and the rays that spread over Tulsa as if a blanket was being lifted off of the city. It was beautiful and Pony was usually awake when it came up if he stayed overnight, which was usually every weekend. I looked over at his sleeping form in a chair that Soda had pulled up for him last night and his face was so serene. He looked as if he was twelve again, before puberty had taken over. I debated waking him up to watch the sunrise for the final time through this hospital window, but I decided better of it. He needed sleep badly; it showed in the big purple bags under his eyes. Besides, in just about two hours, everybody would be awake as the switch to life support was flipped down on my Olivia.

Two-Bit was silently putting his hand into the other hole of the incubator, playing with his niece's chubby toes as if they were the most fascinating things in the world. I couldn't picture Two-Bit as a dad for some reason. Just the thought of him with a wife, daughter and perhaps a newborn son was kind of scary to think of. A little Two-Bit running around the town wasn't exactly what we needed to make Tulsa a better place. But, it didn't seem like our city was going to become better anytime soon, so bring on the Keith off springs. They might brighten up my life a little from the boring tone it was drifting at now.

There wasn't much left to do besides just stare at my daughter and I had already been doing that for the past five hours and I was getting hungry. There was part of me that wanted to just get up and leave, not looking back, but I couldn't because a bigger part of me couldn't stand to be away from Olivia for more than five minutes at a time. Whenever I went home for a few hours, I was always too anxious to come back. And with only two hours left until the moment, I couldn't leave her. And I don't think anybody would leave me. That meant that either the doctor or the nurse would have to bring in food, and they had stopped doing that the first week after I had gone into labor, which had been the most painful thing I had ever gone through in my life. It would have probably been less painful if all of my bones had just been crushed by a three hundred pound man.

"Cherry," Pony was awake. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven thirty," I answered, glancing up at the clock. "Ya still have an hour and a half at sleep."

"Nah, I'm up," he said, rubbing his eyes to make them look more awake. He yawned once before pulling his chair up closer to mine. One of the other babies in the room started to cry and a nurse came over so fast it was like lightning. Nobody wanted a chain reaction to be set off with crying. That would be just about the worse thing possible, seeing as I had already gone through it more than once before. All the babies screaming their heads off for no reason and only a few nurses were in while parents were taking an outing to the cafeteria. As Olivia grew stronger, I ended up calming her and her neighboring baby down.

The baby next to us was a small little boy named Mark and he was born just a month after Olivia and was under the same conditions. His parents were hardly ever around, so I took pity on him a few times and sat around him while he was awake, just so he wasn't lonely. Every time his parents came in, they smelled so bad like alcohol, the nurses had to ask them to leave a few times. I think the state was coming in soon to take Mark away from them. I was glad too because his situation reminded me of Johnny's life. That type of thing shouldn't happen to anybody.

"Ya tired?" Pony asked, staring at my worn face and bloodshot eyes. I wondered if my face would go back to how it used to be after a few weeks home. With Olivia it probably wouldn't, but without her taking the ride home with us, I would probably get my old face back in no time.

"A little," I admitted.

"She's been up all night and ya ask if she's tired?" Two-Bit chimed in, carefully taking his hand out of the incubator to smack Pony lightly across the head. "Use ya head, kid."

"I'm not a kid," Pony moaned, not bothering to even rub his head where Two-Bit had hit him. It wouldn't have looked tuff if he did.

"Well, I doubt you're a man," Two-Bit countered and I put one finger to my mouth to quiet them down. Olivia had just woken up and her eyes were beginning to water. I quickly took her hand in my own and shook it up and down in a rocking motion. It seemed to calm her down a bit and I smiled.

"You're a good mom," Pony said out of the blue. I looked up at him with a strange expression on my face. Honestly, I hadn't even thought once about acting like a mother, I just did what I thought was right. "Nah, honestly, ya are just like how Mom was."

I smiled warmly and my eyes probably lit up. That was the just compliment I had received in a long time. Being just like Mom was my ultimate goal with my daughter. Mom and Dad had been the best parents I could have ever asked for and being compared to even one of them was the greatest thing in the world.

Just then the door to the baby ward opened and closed and in came the doctor, dressed in his usual white robe and a stethoscope around his neck. He came over to us.

"Are ya ready, Cherrytree?" he asked and I glanced at the clock. It was only eight in the morning, what the hell was he talking about? I still had an hour left before my daughter's fate was decided.

"Ya said nothin' would happen til nine," I argued. My friends stiffened a little besides me because my voice was so rough. I heard Steve, Darry and Soda stir and wake up behind me. One of them asked what was going on and Two-Bit told them. To my utter surprise, nobody came up behind me.

"I have an unexpected birth happening now and in an hour, I won't be here," the doctor tried to explain, but I didn't let him.

"Then why can't it wait til later?" I asked. Darry got out of his chair and walked toward the doctor, stepping right in front of me, flexing his muscles like he did whenever he tried to intimidate somebody. It wasn't working for Dr. O'Connor though, he had seen Darry too many times to be scared of him. As Darry tried to talk him into letting Olivia go until later, Soda came up and pulled me out of my chair, enveloping me into a hug. Pony was right beside up and Steve was behind Soda. Two-Bit managed to smooth down my hair once or twice. It took a few minutes, or maybe it was only a few seconds, before Darry turned around and gave me a looked that said we lost. Olivia was going to be cut off now. It was up to her if she was going to live or not. The last pitch of the game was being thrown.

The doctor stood away from us as I grabbed Olivia's hand and Soda still had his arm around me. Now Pony was holding me from the other side. It was as if I couldn't stand on my own. My heart was racing fast and I couldn't stop my body from shaking as if I was freezing. My hair stood on end and goose bumps tracked up and down my arms. They were probably on my stomach too, but I didn't care. Tears leaked from my eyes and soon it probably looked like Niagara Falls was on my face.

"I love you, Olivia," I whispered softly and I think I heard a murmur from the gang saying the same thing. I didn't hear though because all I paid attention to was Olivia Jonathon Curtis, gurgling happily in her cage.

And then, the doctor made a noise, probably some type of word and the switch went down.

The pitch had been thrown. Whether it was a hit or a miss was now up to the batter.

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_And if that dog named Rove don't bark,_

_Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart._


	29. So This is How it Ends?

-1**Disclaimer: S.E Hinton owns The Outsiders.**

**A/N: Over. And probably no sequel. This not may be a bit longer than the rest, but I will answer all reviews for this chapter since it is the last.**

**I feel very accomplished right now because this is the first story I've _ever _finished. If anybody has any questions, ask in a review.**

**And lastly, since I still plan to write after this, constructive criticism?**

**Oh, I almost forgot, this chapter goes out to all my readers, but especially Yusuke'sSister, who needs to take a trip into La La land and forget about the real world for awhile. :o)**

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On my usual patient stroll through my old stomping ground, memories flowed back to me like I was walking down a lane with portraits of my best and worst moments lining the walkway. The lot had countless video playbacks of football games and intimate moments with the only other guy I had ever loved. Johnny had been gone for almost sixty years now, enough time for me to brood and mourn. My late husband, the old Mike that had chased me around so many years ago, had died of alcohol poison just a month ago, leaving me alone with Pony, Darry, Soda and Two-Bit. Steve had died awhile ago in the Vietnam War, so young, only going on eighteen. I still miss his rude remarks and snide comments coming while he sat leaned back in his chair with a cigarette in between his fingers. His overly large swirls in his slicked up hair still came into my dreams once in awhile where the gang appeared just had it had been fifty-nine years ago. Us at our prime, Dally, Johnny and all. Even Mom and Dad.

I remembered the first time I had gone to the birthing ward and only seven years later, attended almost three more times. I came out with all boys after Olivia. And all Mike's, but I knew Johnny would have given me better. I can't say I don't love my children with all my heart, but they aren't doing much with their lives after their father and I gave up so much just to let them live their lives anyway they wanted, they were still here in a rundown Tulsa community. With all the technology they had grown up with: computer, ipods, cell phones, and video cameras, they could have done anything they wanted, but were stuck with low paying jobs at their Uncle Soda's gas station. I actually want back and begged Soda not to let them work their and throw them out into the real world that had me suffer my whole life, but you know how Soda was, and he's still the same way. Too nice for his own good.

Soda has a wife now, too. Her name is Rachel and she's pretty, but not nearly as pretty as that Sandy girl had been back in the day. They have two daughters that are attending college all the way up in New York. I'm surprised that my brother let them even go up there actually. With the looks of Soda and Rachel put together, they're knock-outs and just about as innocent as Soda had been in his youth. Hey, at least they didn't have to go through all the things that Soda went through. I always knew being the middle child was tough, because I was one, but it was even worse for Soda when he had a mental breakdown a few years after Olivia was taken off life support. We got him out of it though and now he was just as good as ever.

I took a turn and walked right past the alley where the baseball field was located in the middle of a bunch of buildings. I remembered catching Soda there so many years ago after having a breakdown of my own, watching him strip down a girl who had been only my age. I remembered all the events that came after that, too. All the crying I had turned to. I never really came out of that and am still just as emotional as I had been back then. It's just that I got better at acting since and my eyes don't tell what I'm feeling all of the time. They sort of clouded over after I got out of the hospital when I was sixteen. At least that's what Pony tells me. He wrote a book all about my experience and I helped him do it. It's currently going through publishing and will be released come this November. I can't wait. Social security doesn't do much with paying the bills and with Mike gone, I might even have to move in with one of my brothers. It makes me feel like such a teenager again to have to move at the age of seventy-six because of being broke.

I was now close to my destination and around the next corner was what I wanted to see. Or didn't want to see, but had just gotten used to the fact. Tombstones lined up in rows indicated all the people from Tulsa - or perhaps from other cities as well - that had been put to rest over the years. I walked past many of the graves that had eroded away to nothingness when family members had stopped visiting and went right up to the right hand corner, where four of our gang were put to rest along with my parents. I stopped at the first set first. Mom and Dad. They had flowers still arranged on top of their ground set there each month by Darry and even Soda, Pony and Two-Bit visited by themselves. We never went together. It just didn't seem right when all we would do here was talk to our dead friends anyway.

"Hey Mom, Dad," I said, setting a flower down as I said each name. "Not much has changed since last week, 'cept now I'm gonna be moving in with Darry. Money's tight and there's not much left I can do. You guys are lucky that ya left before ya had to deal with this pension stuff. It's really really annoying just because they don't give ya enough money."

"I'm sure ya know that everybody's good. It looks like they've been here already. There's not much left to say except I love yas and miss ya'll terribly. It's been so long, but I can still remember the day as if it were yesterday."

I paused, trying to think of something else to say, but came up with nothing. If there were a biography of my life, I bet nobody would read it. It would just be boring. I moved onto Steve and Dally's graves, which were right next to each other. I wonder constantly if they're as mush asses dead as they were alive. Probably. True greasers like them don't change for nothing.

I set a flower down in front of each name and said a few choice words to each of them. Everything something bad happened, I liked to blame it on them now, playing a joke on me up in heaven. I yelled at Dally for making me go broke and Steve was probably up there laughing his head off. They were so immature and knew it too. I missed them. But people like them don't live to have to deal with responsibility. People who lived like Dally or Steve don't get the chance to take care of people other than themselves. It's like a law or something up there. I told them that I loved them and then moved onto Olivia's grave.

"I love you," I said aloud, laying three flowers on top of her spot. It wasn't that I loved her more, it's just that she was my first daughter. I couldn't believe that I had outlived my own child. I suppose I became kind of indestructible after all those wicked years. Emotion just ricocheted off of me like a bouncy ball off of a brick wall. It may not be the best thing to become, but it wasn't like I could help it.

Olivia hadn't been like me. Sure, she had the same eyes, but she wasn't indestructible. She proved that years ago. I missed her though. They sweet sound of her laugh the most. It had been the most wonderful sound in the world - like hearing your favorite slow song play on the radio and you just had to sing along. You just had to laugh along with her. It was inevitable not to.

And then I sat down, right in between Olivia's tombstone and Johnny's. Mike's wasn't even in this cemetery. His Mom had made him be put to rest in Texas with his Dad's grave. From what I heard, his dad had died tragically in a car accident just like my parents, but he never liked to talk much about it. That's why I knew I wasn't in love with him. We had just too many secrets between the two of us. And what's funny is that we both liked it that way.

It must have looked strange, to see an old woman, lying down in between two graves like she belonged there, but I didn't care. It was like I was connecting with the man I loved and my daughter. I closed my eyes peacefully, taking in the bright rays of sun and feeling it warm my body. Memories slipped in and out of focus and I soon felt the darkness closing in. Before I knew it, I was losing control and the weirdest experience I had ever felt in my life occurred.

I was in my body, but I wasn't. The chirp of the birds seemed distant and though my eyes were closed, light was becoming more and more apparent with every passing present. And then I felt disconnected. I was walking up a flight of stairs, except they were clouds. Yet, I wasn't falling through them like I did in most of my dreams. I was weightless and looked down at my body. It was the same as when I had been sixteen. My hair was long and dirty blonde again instead of short wisps of grey. My stomach felt tight and nothing sagged or wrinkled. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins with each step I took up into the sky. I had the energy of a teenager again.

I don't know what I expected when I reached the top, where a pair of golden gates were waiting for me. Perhaps I envisioned God himself standing there with his arms wide open, waiting expectantly for my arrival, but what was there was even better. A boy, around sixteen years old, with a worn-out jean jacket and greased black hair that hung over his eyes. His eyes weren't lost anymore, instead they gleamed, but the change was good, not bad or disappointing. His hands moved from out of his jean jacket pockets, to stretch open.

I ran. That's was just about all I could do and before I knew it, the soft touch that I had longed for was caressing my cheek, my neck. I was in Johnny's arm before I blinked. I had missed him so much, but the feel of his body came back as so familiar. I wanted to kiss him, but it seemed too inappropriate when you first arrive in Heaven.

"I've been waiting," Johnny said quietly, whispering it into my ear as if it was the most important secret that had ever been kept from the world.

"I love you," I answered back and that was enough for the both of us. I melted in his arms, my head rested against his shoulder and in the one glimpse I had behind him, I saw my parents just the same as when I had left them, Dally was flicking his hair out of his face and Steve just stood there, not exactly sure of what to do, but smiling all the same. But all I cared about was being with Johnny. We had a lot of time to catch up on…

And then, something changed. I heard something in the distance. The cry of a baby and I was thrown out of the dream that haunted my thoughts ever since the day I had come home from the hospital.

Checking my clock, I tiredly got up and went to figure out what my six month old daughter, Olivia Jonathon Curtis could possibly want at three o'clock in the morning.

_-----_

_And if that horse and cart fall down,_

_You'll still be the sweetest baby in town._


End file.
